Varan, the Unbelievable,
the Americanized version of Great Monster
Varan, is a movie that can really only offer
one concrete thing: a newfound appreciation for
the Japanese version. Varan, the Unbelievable
is about as bad as it gets in terms of Americanized
monster movies; it is a butchered corpse of a
film that truly deserves just about the lowest
score one can give. Perhaps a lot of the trouble
can be attributed to the lackluster Japanese version
of the film; however, Varan, the Unbelievable
makes Great Monster Varan look like Seven
Samurai (1954) in comparison. In fact,
the two versions are barely the same movie as
it is. The entire plot, which was at least solid
in its original form, was completely butchered
and replaced with a Z-grade story surrounding
the exploits of Joe Western-wannabe Commander
James Bradley and his painfully stereotypical
wife/secretary Anna. Not only was the plot brutally
murdered, but the original footage was so butchered
that minutes and minutes of monster action were
subtracted, including one of the more interesting
scenes that displays Varan's most unique ability:
a modified glide. To add insult to injury, one
of Akira
Ifukube's most brilliant scores of all time
was hacked from the film and replaced by stock
music. In the end, a modest film with only a few
unique and momentous additions to the kaiju genre
was robbed of every last breath of life and stripped
of the few things that made it watchable. Varan,
the Unbelievable is simply a complete mess.
On the island of Kunishiroshima,
Commander James Bradley was assigned to scout
a location for a secret chemical test. A remote
lake, bordering an ancient tribe of mysterious
natives, was confirmed as the perfect body of
water in which Operation Shizuka could be performed.
The experiment, designed to make traditional methods
of distillation a thing of the past, could potentially
contaminate the water. Therefore, the natives
would have to be evacuated, but their resolve
to stay put hindered the progression of the experiment.
They were convinced that the test would disturb
the Obaki, a monster of tremendous power, who
lived in the depths of the water. In the end,
force was ultimately deemed necessary, and the
military base in the nearby city of Oneda dispatched
troops to enforce the exodus of the villagers.
As a result, the press bestowed upon Bradley the
unsettling title: "The Tyrant of Kunishiroshima."
Public opinion, combined with his wife's dissatisfaction
with this course of action, ultimately led Bradley
to call off the relocation procedures. Surely,
the villagers could be kept safe from any of the
experiment's side effects as long as they were
kept away from the lake. On October 17, the tests
were conducted. The Japanese Self-Defense Force
launched the anti-saline charges into the lake,
and in a very short period of time, the lake became
the scene of a fish kill. Water samples were analyzed,
and it was revealed that something was obstructing
the natural settling process in the lake, thereby
disrupting the experiment.
Meanwhile, a JSDF troop sat down
to have a cigarette, when suddenly he witnessed
the approach of a gargantuan monster. He began
to shoot, to no avail. In the shock of the moment,
he simply dropped dead. The following morning,
a giant footprint was discovered in the vicinity.
Almost simultaneously, the JSDF began to fire
upon the lake, for the grotesque head of some
unknown creature began to break the surface. The
monster retreated, and returned after five long
hours. Commander Bradley finally witnessed the
horror himself. This time, the monster did not
retreat… He began to topple the forests
and Earth, killing those unfortunate enough to
lie in his path. Military vehicles were overturned,
and sheer chaos ensued! James Bradley, Anna, and
Captain Kishi were all cornered in a cave near
the hills, trying to escape the jagged claw of
their terrible reptilian oppressor. Luckily, flares
were dropped from above, and the remarkable light
display distracted the monster long enough for
his trapped quarry to escape. The scaly gargoyle
began to travel North toward Oneda.
Twenty miles from shore, Varan
began to engage in battle with the JSDF. Evading
an array of shells and ammunition from the sea
and from the air, the beast easily pushed through
all of the defenses that the military could muster.
As night fell, Varan came ashore in Oneda. F86F
Saber Jets attacked from above, while 15mm Howitzers
and missile launchers attacked from below. Flares
were dropped, in an effort to distract the creature
as a plan of attack is put into play. The anti-saline
charges, which were responsible for Varan's awakening,
could potentially aid in his defeat. A truck,
filled with the special chemical, was sent out
onto the runway of the airport. As Varan approached,
the truck's payload was detonated, and the monster
absorbed the dangerous chemical. Returning to
the sea, the monstrous reptile could take no more.
It descended from view into the cold depths of
the ocean…
Though the chemical obviously took
effect, no one could confirm the creature's demise.
One thing was certain, however: if the monster
were to ever return, there was finally a weapon
powerful enough to defeat him!
The plot itself is so different
from the original version, that the drastic differences
justify the claim that this is could be considered
a different movie altogether. The original plot,
which consisted of a scientific investigation
to the Kitanami River region and the unintentional
reawakening of Varan, was removed. In its place,
a clumsily put-together tale about an anti-saline
experiment that goes wrong on the fictional Kunishiroshima
Island was added. In fact, Varan's approach to
Tokyo is replaced with Varan's approach to the
fictional city of Oneda, and Haneda Airport becomes
Oneda Airport. Varan isn't even referred to by
name in this version. He is occasionally called
"Obaki", which seems to be the American
version's equivalent of "Baradagi".
The differences don't stop just at the locations
and events, however. Several cast members from
the original version only appear in brief stock
footage cameos, with their motives and origins
completely changed and their usefulness to the
plot all but entirely diminished. There is one
redeeming value to this, however, and that is
the lack of dubbing.
This all wouldn't be so bad if
the add-in actors weren't so painfully out-of-place,
their motives so tenuous, and their dialogue so
terrible. Of all the actors, Myron Healy deserves
the most blame. His role was filled with so much
Western-style bravado that by today's standards,
his performance is absolutely laughable. With
his dramatic tone, his slow and deliberate dialogue,
his arrogant mannerisms, and of course his "you-never-look-cooler-than-when-you-dramatically-pull-out-a-cigarette"
attitude, his character is the epitome of cheese.
It also doesn't help that he has to explain the
plot through narration, adding a completely unnecessary
dimension to an already unnecessary array of edits.
Then, of course, there is Tsuruko Kobayashi...
whose dialogue and mannerisms ooze with an ethnocentric
and sexist subtext. Apparently, it is not her
place to: a. give an opinion, b. have an independent
thought, or c. get within even a parsec of danger.
Then, of course, there is her dialogue, which
was obviously written in the screenplay to accentuate
broken English. Had writer Sid Harris simply written
in the necessary verbs, Kobayashi's performance
would not be so groan-worthy. However, one can
see that Sid Harris really was bent on accentuating
broken English in the Japanese actors, as the
style of Derick Shimasu's dialogue is strikingly
similar to that of Tsuruko Kobayashi's. Speaking
of Derick Shimasu's character, his inclusion in
the film is rather mysterious. He seems to only
show up at the beginning, and poses no true necessity
to the plot. He doesn't even act as comic relief.
As time goes by, his character completely disappears,
leaving one wondering: what happened to him? Clifford
Kawada is the final add-in actor in this film,
and luckily he almost saves the acting... almost.
Unfortunately, he's not given much to work with,
and the audience learns very little about him.
Quite simply, his job is to translate the lines
of the Japanese actors in the stock footage from
the original film. Other than that, he is given
so little development that it is shocking to realize
that basically, he is one of the three main characters!
We do learn only one minor thing about Kawada's
character, and it is very odd: he seems to support
the suppression of the freedom of the press in
his native country. Apparently, the government
should put restrictions on news stories like those
which depicted Healy's character as "The
Tyrant of Kunishiroshima". It's just a little
odd to have him bring this up, but one can guess
that it does show some tacit comradery between
his character and that of Myron Healy's. Despite
it all, the dialogue that Kawada is given isn't
nearly as corny as that given to his fellow actors.
Special effects-wise, this movie
is far from terrible. The effects are mostly taken
from the original footage, save perhaps the stiff
prop of the giant claw used in the cave scene.
The scenes chosen are actually some of the better
and more realistic selections from the original
version of the film. There is little to no emphasis
on Varan's floppy, rubbery carapace at all, for
example. However, one can declare that the American
filmmakers went too far when Varan's flight scene
was, unfortunately, deleted. In the Japanese version,
Varan reveals his "flying-squirrel"
flaps and seems to fly by means of a modified
glide. Though it was a fun scene, the realism
factor did lack. Despite it all, this is one of
the abilities that makes Varan so interesting,
and its exclusion is disheartening to those who
just want to see the creature fly. The mysterious
winds that accompany Varan's presence are also
diminished to only a brief shot in this version
of the film. His roar is also completely changed
from a Rodan-esque roar to what sounds like tires
skidding on pavement. This is yet another change
that is definitely not for the better. Overall,
the special effects are decent. There is nothing
that really stands out.
The music in this film is, in a
word, average. The transitions are terrible, as
several times there aren't even fade-outs, just
sudden halts in the score. As far as the music
itself is concerned, there are no real lapses,
but there are no real successes either. There
are some particularly groan-worthy moments when
the music tries to match a traditional Japanese
quality when accompanying a Japanese character.
In the end, it just screams "stereotype!"
When one watches the Japanese version of the film
and realizes just how many of Akira
Ifukube's brilliant pieces were cut, it chalks
up one more disappointment for the American version.
Varan's native theme, a very eerie piece that
is easily one of Ifukube's best (and a section
of which would be ultimately be altered into Rodan's
theme), is almost completely missing. Only a brief
section of the theme is heard early on, a hint
at the excellent score that could have been. Another
brilliant piece, which accompanied the military
offensive in the Japanese version (and would later
be used in subsequent kaiju movies), was also
cut. Sadly, such a teeny tiny amount of Ifukube's
score remains in the American version. In the
Japanese version, it was one of the film's only
redeeming factors, and the lack thereof in this
version brings the movie down a notch.
Finally, the editing in this film
is not very skillful at all, and scenes are shuffled
about and rearranged in a manner that is not only
confusing and seems to lack a sense of chronology,
but also creates spontaneous and jittery cuts.
This not only permeates the stock footage from
the original version, but also permeates into
the American footage as well! It really detracts
from the professionalism of the movie, and can
be quite a distraction to the viewer.
In the end, Varan, the Unbelievable
is a failure in the kaiju genre. While the original
version at least had some excellent pros, the
American version is simply filled to the brim
with cons. In fact, those who happen to pick up
a copy of the American version will likely be
paying close attention to the timer on their VCR,
because one hour and eight minutes of this movie
feels like watching grass grow. Do yourself a
favor: if you haven't seen the American version,
don't! You won't be missing anything, and your
opinion of the movie will be much greater if you
simply watch the original Japanese version.
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