| There was a time once that
I would have said, without any hesitation in my
voice, that Masato Harada's Gunhed
(1989) was simply the worst movie Toho ever had
its name attached to. Today, though, I would like
to revise such a statement by saying there is
a new “champion” for such a title,
as Kujakuoh, a joint venture between
Japan and Hong Kong, is quite honestly a rather
wretched production across the board. In fact,
nothing really goes right here. From a heavily
convoluted storyline, to tepid characters and
acting performances, the movie just can't
seem to catch a break; consequently, the most
honest praise one can give to it is that at least
the special effects and music weren't horrendous.
In terms of the plot, the movie
starts with the emergence of Ashura at an
excavation site, a young girl said to be the
key to awaken the monster Hell King. Her advent
sends out a grave warning to both Kujaku and
Kong Chue, who travel to modern Japan in anticipation
of her reappearance. With the same mission,
the two end up meeting at a dinosaur exhibit
where they believe Japan's Hell Gate
is located and, sure enough, the dinosaurs
inside seem to have come to life of their
own accord (complete with Gamera's roar
no less). The pair manage to save the life
of a female employee named Saeko as they destroy
the dinosaurs, although the two have trouble
working out their own differences. The three
end up going to a dance disco club afterwards,
where Ashura and her escort Raga attack them
amongst the crowds. Following the assault,
the three venture to Hong Kong where they
believe Ashura is headed. The hunch ends up
being correct as they have another confrontation
with Raga, who reveals her true form: a monstrous
creature with extendable limbs. After a tough
battle, the two manage to best the monster
and rescue Ashura. Divided on what should
become of the young girl, whose very survival
threatens the Earth, the group travels to
Kong Chue's temple hoping to find a
solution that could spare the young girl yet
keep the monster Hell King from ever emerging
to destroy the world.
As is apparent, the overall
plot is fairly straightforward, yet it draws
the storyline out to painful levels due to
all of the detours taken along the way. To
make matters worse, most of these “detours”
are needless and frequently random in nature.
One of the best examples of this is when the
poltergeist start emerging from the Big Mac
container, in what must be one of the most
undesirable product placements ever. The creatures
venture onto the sidewalk where only Kong
Chue and a dog, apparently, can see them.
Suffice to say, the dog makes a quick snack
out of one of them and... that's it.
They only show up for one more scene, which
happens briefly at the dinosaur exhibit, and
then are never brought up again. Apparently
these creatures just kind of follow “evilness”
around, possibly trying to give the movie
a Ghostbusters type of vibe of a
city under siege by the supernatural; however,
it falls flat with how little they are used.
Another one of these types of random sequences
is when Kujaku and Saeko first land in Hong
Kong and try to take a taxi to the hotel,
only to have the driver fare them around town
as he openly mutters about blackmailing them
(uh huh…) and then demands his fee according
to the car's counter. The scene ends
with Kujaku using his magic to turn the counter
back to zero, as they run away without paying.
Something that, I can only assume, was supposed
to be humorous, yet falters with the only
funny moment being when Saeko opens the door
suddenly and smacks one of the taxi driver's
friends who is hanging around.
Not to get bogged down too much
in the little details, the main story is fairly
confusing at points as to where its going, made
only worse by the “spiritual babble”
uttered by Kong Chue and Kujaku to try and make
them seem more supernatural. This also hurts the
overall pacing as the movie tends to leave the
viewer behind once or twice as they are expected
to play “catch up.” The overall flow
makes it difficult to tell when a particular scene
might hold any relevance either, or be another
random red herring. To be fair, there is one enjoyable
part of the movie, which is a fairly long and
well-choreographed fight that occurs just before
the climax; however, it does little to save what
is otherwise a production begging to have been
featured on the Mystery Science Theater 3000
show.
Still, no matter how weak and
convoluted a story is, a production might
still save face if at least the characters
are interesting. Not surprisingly, though,
Kujokoh catches no such break, as
its cast is incredibly flat and uninspired.
The two monk characters, Kong Chue and Kujaku,
are the leads here. Their personalities clash
at first, with Kong Chue appearing to be cocky
and Kujaku being the stereotypical “straight
arrow” who is intended to play off his
more rash partner. Their relationship takes
a very rosy turn though via a very convenient
plot revelation near the end of the film that
they are, in fact, twin brothers who were
separated shortly after birth (one's
going to have to ignore that Yuen Biao and
Hiroshi Mikami look nothing alike). This gives
the two an excuse to work together during
the climax, although makes this union ring
hollow with the audience as it wasn't
properly developed to make anyone really care
that they have now settled their differences.
As for the rest of the lead cast, well it
gets even worse. There is a rule of thumb
for the main characters of any movie, especially
if one is not going to spend time developing
them: make their purpose obvious by the film's
end and, for the love of god, don't
make them aggravating for the audience to
watch. In this respect I'm speaking
of Saeko, who inexplicably tags along for
the entire adventure, even across several
countries, yet does nothing but make the audience
wonder why she is still hanging around. She
is especially aggravating at the start of
the movie, and during the whole disco sequence,
which in itself is just such a horrible and
out of place scene that it's hard not
to burst out laughing.
In regards to the acting, unfortunately
the performances are pretty awful across the board.
To be fair, since this is the US version, all
of the Japanese parts have been dubbed into Chinese
to match their Hong Kong counterparts; however,
that still gives no excuses to the Hong Kong born
Yuen Biao or Gloria Yip. Both of them, and a lot
of the other cast, seem to switch through differing
emotions sporadically, almost as if the characters
themselves were bipolar. Since this is such a
widespread occurrence, it seems to point at weak
direction, as director Nam Nai Choi seems over
his head on this production. It was interesting,
though, to see Hiroshi Mikami more in his youth,
an actor who is most familiar overseas for his
lead role in Parasite
Eve (1997). Would have been even better,
though, had his performance been at least more
energetic and genuine.
As for the production values, well
they are the movie's strongest point, but
that's not saying much. The special effects,
for example are nothing to praise here. What's
so unfortunate, though, is that the budget was
obviously at least fairly modest for a special
effects film outside of the US, displaying elaborate
pyrotechnics and a lot of claymation. The production
in general is also fairly loaded with special
effects sequences, although it appears to have
been going more for quantity over quality. The
incredibly stiff and unimpressive dinosaur props
tend to lead the way in that regard. Granted,
they are supposed to be reanimated from props,
but that doesn't mean they couldn't
have moved more convincingly. It does lead to
a rather humorous moment, although unintentional,
where Kong Chue fights the very stiff Tyrannosaurus
Rex by somersaulting onto the head and punching
it repeatedly in the face.
The sets in this production
are fairly gigantic, although aren't
that impressive in terms of detail, with Raga's
lair looking at times more like something
one would expect to see as a stage on a live
performance. The music, by Micky Yoshino,
doesn't fare much better than the technical
effects sadly. The primary theme, which plays
during the Poltergeist sequence and the visit
to the Ocean Park amusement grounds, is probably
the best of the lot as at least it's
kind of catchy, even if it does sound like
a stereotyped “oriental theme”
that one would expect to find as a default
on a Casio. The rest of the score, though,
is completely unmemorable, sifting into the
background where it's hard to even notice.
The movie's song, played during the
journey to Kong Chue's temple, is fairly
painful as it's conducted in English
with pretty poor results and, to add insult
to injury, given center stage treatment in
a lengthy sequence without dialogue or sound
effects.
In closing, Kujokoh is
one of those rare movies that one just has to
wonder “where was the quality control?”
How did something this uninteresting and convoluted
actually manage to get released in theaters? To
be fair, I have only seen the US version of the
film though, which is shorter than the Japanese
edit by thirteen minutes. Could those thirteen
minutes of footage have led to a better film?
Most likely, although Kujokoh ranks so
lowly that the movie is pretty much stuck in that
situation where there is only one place left to
go: up.
|
(0.5/5)
