Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
- NSZ
- Xilien Halfling
- Posts: 5005
- Joined: Sat Jul 24, 2010 5:30 pm
- Location: Misaki Town
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
G'84: Shin Godzilla, except not painfully mediocre.
GvB: We're just gonna conveniently forget that cadmium exists.
GvKG: A time-travel plot so poorly written that fans debate what happened even after it's been properly explained.
BFE: Mothra but with an edgy 90's anti-hero thrown into the mix!... and Godzilla's in it for some reason.
GvMG: We're gonna tank the global economy to build an overly-specialized paperweight.
GvSG: We tanked the global economy again to rebuild our overly-specialized paperweight and make it look like a penguin... for some reason.
GvD: MUH SHALLOW '54 CALLBACKS
GvB: We're just gonna conveniently forget that cadmium exists.
GvKG: A time-travel plot so poorly written that fans debate what happened even after it's been properly explained.
BFE: Mothra but with an edgy 90's anti-hero thrown into the mix!... and Godzilla's in it for some reason.
GvMG: We're gonna tank the global economy to build an overly-specialized paperweight.
GvSG: We tanked the global economy again to rebuild our overly-specialized paperweight and make it look like a penguin... for some reason.
GvD: MUH SHALLOW '54 CALLBACKS
"But, uh, you hadn't told us to listen to you yet. So I didn't."
"No one takes the Tank Police seriously anymore!"
"No one takes the Tank Police seriously anymore!"
- Tomzilla
- Site Staff
- Posts: 949
- Joined: Fri Jul 23, 2010 9:53 pm
- Location: Seattle, WA
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
The Return of Godzilla: “A politically themed kaiju thriller that will teach you more about geopolitics than your high school history class. Somehow the human race is still here. Hot damn.”
Godzilla vs. Biollante: “Godzilla + the legalization of pot = just another day at Toho Kingdom. The movie is cool too.”
Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: “Japan, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You’re a fixed point in time and space. There’s nothing you can do to stop the mindless wibbly wobbly, timey wimey destruction. Here, have a Dorat. No, wait, I’m feeling charitable — have 3! I hope you feel better as the light leaves Shindo's eyes.”
Godzilla vs. Mothra - Battle for Earth: “Remember that nuke-proof refrigerator from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? It cost more to make that fridge prop than this movie.”
Godzilla vs. MechaGodzillaa: “Today on Maury, it’s a three-way, prehistoric custody battle over a stoned animatronic. Godzilla... you are NOT the father!”
Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla: “What happens when a low-budget creature feature from space joins forces with a rejected SURVIVOR/GANGSTER spinoff? Action figures… and lots of money, playaaaa!!!”
“Yuki had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur — WITH THE FUR! The whole club was looking at him, he hits the floor… Yuki got low low low low low…”
Godzilla vs. Destoroyah: “Previously on MONSTER BALL Z: With all life on Earth hanging in the balance, Godzilla goes Super Saiyan Godzilla and fights Majin Destoroyah to the death. Can our hero stop the precambrian menace from destroying us utterly? Can the precambrian menace stop our hero from drowning us in a nuclear meltdown?! Are we, uh, screwed no matter what happens?!? Find out... NOW!"
Godzilla vs. Biollante: “Godzilla + the legalization of pot = just another day at Toho Kingdom. The movie is cool too.”
Godzilla vs. King Ghidorah: “Japan, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You’re a fixed point in time and space. There’s nothing you can do to stop the mindless wibbly wobbly, timey wimey destruction. Here, have a Dorat. No, wait, I’m feeling charitable — have 3! I hope you feel better as the light leaves Shindo's eyes.”
Godzilla vs. Mothra - Battle for Earth: “Remember that nuke-proof refrigerator from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? It cost more to make that fridge prop than this movie.”
Godzilla vs. MechaGodzillaa: “Today on Maury, it’s a three-way, prehistoric custody battle over a stoned animatronic. Godzilla... you are NOT the father!”
Godzilla vs. SpaceGodzilla: “What happens when a low-budget creature feature from space joins forces with a rejected SURVIVOR/GANGSTER spinoff? Action figures… and lots of money, playaaaa!!!”
“Yuki had them apple bottom jeans, boots with the fur — WITH THE FUR! The whole club was looking at him, he hits the floor… Yuki got low low low low low…”
Godzilla vs. Destoroyah: “Previously on MONSTER BALL Z: With all life on Earth hanging in the balance, Godzilla goes Super Saiyan Godzilla and fights Majin Destoroyah to the death. Can our hero stop the precambrian menace from destroying us utterly? Can the precambrian menace stop our hero from drowning us in a nuclear meltdown?! Are we, uh, screwed no matter what happens?!? Find out... NOW!"
Monster Sightings Video: GHIDORAH | King of Terror!
“Everyone, deep in their hearts, is waiting for the end of the world to come.”
“Everyone, deep in their hearts, is waiting for the end of the world to come.”
- Kaltes-Herzeleid
- JXSDF Technician
- Posts: 1086
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2014 11:07 pm
- Location: The Great Tomb of Nazarick
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Godzilla Vs. King Ghidorah: How NOT to do a time travel movie.
Godzilla & Mothra: Battle for Earth: Godzilla V. Edgy Mothra: Dawn of Justice...guest starring Mothra!
Godzilla Vs. Destoroyah: Local Precambrian crustacean ruins everything.
Godzilla & Mothra: Battle for Earth: Godzilla V. Edgy Mothra: Dawn of Justice...guest starring Mothra!
Godzilla Vs. Destoroyah: Local Precambrian crustacean ruins everything.
- Ivo-goji
- EDF Instructor
- Posts: 2818
- Joined: Fri Jan 29, 2016 8:54 am
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: actually a well-written time travel story with interesting themes, fans are just dumber than a sack of hammers
Kaiju-King42 wrote: Welcome to Toho Kingdom, where every conceivable opinion, no matter how outlandish or unpopular, is a possibility among the population.
- Kaltes-Herzeleid
- JXSDF Technician
- Posts: 1086
- Joined: Thu Sep 04, 2014 11:07 pm
- Location: The Great Tomb of Nazarick
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Godzilla Vs. SpaceGodzilla: Little Godzilla learns stranger danger the hard way and his dad has to save him.
- Destorogoji
- G-Grasper
- Posts: 1234
- Joined: Tue Dec 13, 2016 2:40 pm
- Location: Toluca, Mexico
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Yamato Takeru: How NOT to do something different.
Here's my Instagram, I post photos of my figures, customs and sometimes other stuff:
https://www.instagram.com/buruno.98/
https://www.instagram.com/buruno.98/
- cmdmstudios
- JXSDF Technician
- Posts: 935
- Joined: Wed May 16, 2012 4:53 pm
- Location: Can't say or the JSDF will find me.
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Godzilla 1985: Famous lawyer is brought in to watch live feed of natural disaster while spouting cryptic messages.
Godzilla vs Biollante: Grieving geneticist's lab project goes awry while trying not be killed by hired thugs and assassins. Chaos ensues.
Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: How to cause a temporal causality, featuring androids and monsters. Chaos ensues.
Godzilla vs Mothra: Meteor causes large conflict between differing ideologies about ecological preservation and whether or not humanity should be destroyed. Guest starring a dinosaur.
Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla: Largest paternity dispute ever seen, complete with large waste of taxpayer money.
Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla: The evil twin trope needs to be in this series somewhere.
Godzilla vs Destoroyah: The China Syndrome, but much worse and featuring a really bad case of crabs.
Godzilla vs Biollante: Grieving geneticist's lab project goes awry while trying not be killed by hired thugs and assassins. Chaos ensues.
Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: How to cause a temporal causality, featuring androids and monsters. Chaos ensues.
Godzilla vs Mothra: Meteor causes large conflict between differing ideologies about ecological preservation and whether or not humanity should be destroyed. Guest starring a dinosaur.
Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla: Largest paternity dispute ever seen, complete with large waste of taxpayer money.
Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla: The evil twin trope needs to be in this series somewhere.
Godzilla vs Destoroyah: The China Syndrome, but much worse and featuring a really bad case of crabs.
Well, that's certainly a thing.
"Well, you see, the Higgs Bison is the friendliest species of the water buffalo."
"Well, you see, the Higgs Bison is the friendliest species of the water buffalo."
- Kaijunator
- Xilien Halfling
- Posts: 6005
- Joined: Sun May 18, 2014 5:19 pm
- Location: Everywhere doing everything
- Contact:
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Got two more for GvMGII:
"It's a legal battle too big for any court to handle!"
"It's a monster-sized paternity dispute!"
"It's a legal battle too big for any court to handle!"
"It's a monster-sized paternity dispute!"
If you have digital copy codes for movies you want to give away, I'll gladly take them!
YouTube!
Dillyziller wrote:Evangelion 4.0: This is (not) a joke
It opens with Shinji, Asuka, and Rei walking along the lifeless, red earth. Suddenly the ground begins to shake.
Godzilla bursts from the ground, killing the 3 pilots. Godzilla will then battle his newest opponent...
parental issues.
Best song ever.TitanoGoji16 wrote:"Do you think C-Rex and FeMUTO could make sweet love down by the fire and give birth to Gabara?"
YouTube!
- Mini-Godzilla
- JXSDF Technician
- Posts: 993
- Joined: Sat Jul 31, 2010 12:55 pm
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Godzilla '84 -- Godzilla raids yet again, but this time with more C-SPAN.
Vs. Biollante -- Feed me, Shiragami!
Vs. King Ghidorah -- If Monster Zero had time travel instead.
Vs. Mothra -- Inuyama Jonesu and the Cameo of Godzilla.
Vs. Mechagodzilla -- Baby got back brain, so the Big G must, too!
Vs. Spacegodzilla -- Rebirth of Minilla.
Vs. Destroyer -- Apocalyptic dread meets Aliens.
Vs. Biollante -- Feed me, Shiragami!
Vs. King Ghidorah -- If Monster Zero had time travel instead.
Vs. Mothra -- Inuyama Jonesu and the Cameo of Godzilla.
Vs. Mechagodzilla -- Baby got back brain, so the Big G must, too!
Vs. Spacegodzilla -- Rebirth of Minilla.
Vs. Destroyer -- Apocalyptic dread meets Aliens.
Godzilla says I should learn to fight my own battles!
- Billzilla1974
- Interpol Agent
- Posts: 580
- Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2017 2:05 pm
- Location: A portal in time.
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
ACTUALLY a badly written movie with an overhyped, overused, failure of a Ghidorah incarnation with themes that are schizophrenic, overly complicated, and ultimately lead nowhere.Ivo-goji wrote:Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: actually a well-written time travel story with interesting themes, fans are just dumber than a sack of hammers
Heisei fans are just dumber than a bag of shit.
Also, M11 did 911.
Never forget the Showa Era, R.I.P, Haruo Nakajima 8/7/2017.
Extra THICC!
Extra THICC!
- Lain Of The Wired
- Terminated
- Posts: 11515
- Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2012 4:31 pm
- Location: the Wired
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Truest statement in this threadBillzilla1974 wrote:ACTUALLY a badly written movie with an overhyped, overused, failure of a Ghidorah incarnation with themes that are schizophrenic, overly complicated, and ultimately lead nowhere.Ivo-goji wrote:Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: actually a well-written time travel story with interesting themes, fans are just dumber than a sack of hammers
Heisei fans are just dumber than a bag of shit.
Also, M11 did 911.
Never forget tadpole
- Billzilla1974
- Interpol Agent
- Posts: 580
- Joined: Mon Feb 06, 2017 2:05 pm
- Location: A portal in time.
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Thanks.Lain Of The Wired wrote:Truest statement in this threadBillzilla1974 wrote:ACTUALLY a badly written movie with an overhyped, overused, failure of a Ghidorah incarnation with themes that are schizophrenic, overly complicated, and ultimately lead nowhere.Ivo-goji wrote:Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: actually a well-written time travel story with interesting themes, fans are just dumber than a sack of hammers
Heisei fans are just dumber than a bag of shit.
Also, M11 did 911.
Never forget the Showa Era, R.I.P, Haruo Nakajima 8/7/2017.
Extra THICC!
Extra THICC!
- szmigiel
- G-Force Personnel
- Posts: 697
- Joined: Mon Sep 29, 2014 9:54 am
- Location: Detroit
- Contact:
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Scientist races against time to figure out which bird call will lure a walking nuclear disaster into a volcano, meanwhile the US and USSR argue over who gets to nuke Tokyo.
Seasoned reporter learns from past mistakes and watches monster from a safe distance.
Corporate espionage leads to the release of a walking nuclear disaster and the mixing of a rose, a dead girl, and the same walking nuclear disaster.
Time travel shenanigans lead to the creation of two monsters that battle, the loser then gets some upgrades and comes back from the future for a rematch.
Monster can't decide who he hates more, humans, his goodie two shoes duplicate, or a walking nuclear disaster.
Military uses tech from the future to build a robotic twin and gets in the middle of a parental battle between two monsters.
Walking nuclear disaster seeks payback on his space-doppelganger that put his son in a time out.
Walking nuclear disaster is going to explode, then doesn’t.
Seasoned reporter learns from past mistakes and watches monster from a safe distance.
Corporate espionage leads to the release of a walking nuclear disaster and the mixing of a rose, a dead girl, and the same walking nuclear disaster.
Time travel shenanigans lead to the creation of two monsters that battle, the loser then gets some upgrades and comes back from the future for a rematch.
Monster can't decide who he hates more, humans, his goodie two shoes duplicate, or a walking nuclear disaster.
Military uses tech from the future to build a robotic twin and gets in the middle of a parental battle between two monsters.
Walking nuclear disaster seeks payback on his space-doppelganger that put his son in a time out.
Walking nuclear disaster is going to explode, then doesn’t.
Godzilla Screen Time
http://jokercluster.blogspot.com/
http://jokercluster.blogspot.com/
- MechaGoji Bro7503
- Administrator
- Posts: 6117
- Joined: Thu Sep 01, 2016 6:02 pm
- Location: Black Hole Planet 3 branch of Majima Construction.
- Contact:
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
King Kong 1976- Kong becomes a vicious sexual predator, which explains the lack of other creatures. Also, the Iron Monger tries to protect him.
King Kong Lives- He doesnt really live.
Rebirth of Mothra- Mothra dies again, this time by King Ghidorah's cousin that no one ever talks about. Oh, and beam spam.
Rebirth of Mothra 2- Water battles, beam spam, and peeing chibi troll things all in one!
Rebirth of Mothra 3- Mothra battles Shin King Ghidorah with the boring power of beam spam!!
King Kong Lives- He doesnt really live.
Rebirth of Mothra- Mothra dies again, this time by King Ghidorah's cousin that no one ever talks about. Oh, and beam spam.
Rebirth of Mothra 2- Water battles, beam spam, and peeing chibi troll things all in one!
Rebirth of Mothra 3- Mothra battles Shin King Ghidorah with the boring power of beam spam!!
"Bang on, mate.", - Murdoc Niccals 2018.
"Right, wrong... Nobody's got a clue what the difference is in this town. So I'm gonna have more fun... and live crazier than any of 'em." - Goro Majima.
Our G-Force a Kaiju Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/g ... 1509725595
For unique discussions on Ultraman, Godzilla, and much more check out my channel Tiger Drop Films: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCng0uL ... VCg/videos
"Right, wrong... Nobody's got a clue what the difference is in this town. So I'm gonna have more fun... and live crazier than any of 'em." - Goro Majima.
Our G-Force a Kaiju Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/g ... 1509725595
For unique discussions on Ultraman, Godzilla, and much more check out my channel Tiger Drop Films: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCng0uL ... VCg/videos
- Cybermat47
- Interpol Agent
- Posts: 556
- Joined: Tue May 09, 2017 10:21 pm
- Location: NSW, Australia
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Godzilla (1984) - a giant lizard tries to murder all Humans, but just ends up saving them from themselves and gets tricked with a magnet. Gamera takes an interest in the film crew.
Godzilla (1985) - a bunch of Americans watch G84 and make jokes, while Raymond Burr wishes Toho would just cast him in a film. Godzilla has Asperger's syndrome, and goes into a volcano to find some birds.
Godzilla VS Biollante - Godzilla gets plastic surgery and tries to murder his bastard daughter.
Godzilla VS King Ghidorah - People from the future plot to confuse Godzilla fans.
Godzilla VS Mothra - a pair of environmentalist terrorists threaten Japan and bully Godzilla.
Godzilla VS Mechagodzilla - The Japanese government wastes money on a giant robot while Godzilla decides to adopt an orphan, despite interference from the orphan's step-brother.
Godzilla VS Spacegodzilla - Godzilla and a robot Mole battle a deformed, paedophilic King Ghidorah.
Godzilla VS Destoroyah - Godzilla dies from eating too much spicy food, while the Japanese Military kills Satan.
Gamera: Guardian of the Universe - Gamera finally becomes something other than a Godzilla ripoff, while Japan forgets what birds look like. Gamera murders an endangered species while laughing at the relatively poor quality of the Heisei Godzilla films. Meanwhile, the film crew is contacted by Godzilla's agent.
Gamera 2: Attack of Legion - an alien invasion is defeated by the JSDF. Features a brief cameo from Gamera.
Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris - tentacle sex.
The End of Evangelion - a teenage sex offender battles his giant colleague with a vagina in her forehead to prevent everyone on Earth from becoming orange juice. Godzilla realises that his future movies are going to be weird, but refuses to let a 14 year old masturbate to him.
Godzilla (1998) - an Iguana awkwardly recreates 9/11, while a German guy writes about how America is awesome and the French are to blame for everything.
Godzilla (1985) - a bunch of Americans watch G84 and make jokes, while Raymond Burr wishes Toho would just cast him in a film. Godzilla has Asperger's syndrome, and goes into a volcano to find some birds.
Godzilla VS Biollante - Godzilla gets plastic surgery and tries to murder his bastard daughter.
Godzilla VS King Ghidorah - People from the future plot to confuse Godzilla fans.
Godzilla VS Mothra - a pair of environmentalist terrorists threaten Japan and bully Godzilla.
Godzilla VS Mechagodzilla - The Japanese government wastes money on a giant robot while Godzilla decides to adopt an orphan, despite interference from the orphan's step-brother.
Godzilla VS Spacegodzilla - Godzilla and a robot Mole battle a deformed, paedophilic King Ghidorah.
Godzilla VS Destoroyah - Godzilla dies from eating too much spicy food, while the Japanese Military kills Satan.
Gamera: Guardian of the Universe - Gamera finally becomes something other than a Godzilla ripoff, while Japan forgets what birds look like. Gamera murders an endangered species while laughing at the relatively poor quality of the Heisei Godzilla films. Meanwhile, the film crew is contacted by Godzilla's agent.
Gamera 2: Attack of Legion - an alien invasion is defeated by the JSDF. Features a brief cameo from Gamera.
Gamera 3: Revenge of Iris - tentacle sex.
The End of Evangelion - a teenage sex offender battles his giant colleague with a vagina in her forehead to prevent everyone on Earth from becoming orange juice. Godzilla realises that his future movies are going to be weird, but refuses to let a 14 year old masturbate to him.
Godzilla (1998) - an Iguana awkwardly recreates 9/11, while a German guy writes about how America is awesome and the French are to blame for everything.
- SuperPawnageGigan
- G-Force Personnel
- Posts: 645
- Joined: Fri Jan 20, 2017 1:20 pm
- Location: Xiliens Lair
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
The Return of Godzilla: Godzilla's new hobby is bird watching
Godzilla vs Biollante: Godzilla's sister is born
Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: Godzilla meets Back to the future/Doctor Who
Godzilla vs Mothra: Mothra's evil counterpart turns good
Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla II: Godzilla has a son and almosts dies
Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla: Godzilla meet's his evil Brother and his son is cute
Godzilla vs Destroyah: Godzilla dies, fights satan, and his son looks like him and dies and is revived and toho forgets about him after that
Godzilla vs Biollante: Godzilla's sister is born
Godzilla vs King Ghidorah: Godzilla meets Back to the future/Doctor Who
Godzilla vs Mothra: Mothra's evil counterpart turns good
Godzilla vs MechaGodzilla II: Godzilla has a son and almosts dies
Godzilla vs SpaceGodzilla: Godzilla meet's his evil Brother and his son is cute
Godzilla vs Destroyah: Godzilla dies, fights satan, and his son looks like him and dies and is revived and toho forgets about him after that
8-BIT MADNESS
2 Friends having a good time.
2 Friends having a good time.
- Lain Of The Wired
- Terminated
- Posts: 11515
- Joined: Tue Nov 27, 2012 4:31 pm
- Location: the Wired
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Godzilla and his lice pals enjoy a nice cold Dr. Pepper
Godzilla gives botany a try, he doesn't like it...
Godzilla reaches out to a fellow radiation victim, it doesn't work out too well...
Godzilla and Mothra get pissed off.
Godzilla gives botany a try, he doesn't like it...
Godzilla reaches out to a fellow radiation victim, it doesn't work out too well...
Godzilla and Mothra get pissed off.
Never forget tadpole
- KaijuCanuck
- Futurian
- Posts: 3451
- Joined: Wed Jun 21, 2017 4:12 pm
- Location: The Milky Way
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
DVD: That thing attacks that other thing, and then you see the Tristar logo.
- SoggyNoodles2016
- Moderator
- Posts: 6133
- Joined: Wed May 30, 2018 7:37 am
- Location: My parents' basement
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
Godzilla vs Birds.
Genetic Engineering leads to a pissed off reptilian monster and clones. I repeat, #Speilberg'sahack
Doctor Who as a Godzilla movie.
A divorced couple and their daughter reunite their family after being involved in a death battle between two gods and a radioactive monster.
Questions we were supposed to ask: is life better then artifical life? What is family? Who is the real villan? Question we did ask: Why the fuck does the robot look like Godzilla?
And who says the Showa era ended?
Worst. Heartburn. Ever.
Also, fish.
Genetic Engineering leads to a pissed off reptilian monster and clones. I repeat, #Speilberg'sahack
Doctor Who as a Godzilla movie.
A divorced couple and their daughter reunite their family after being involved in a death battle between two gods and a radioactive monster.
Questions we were supposed to ask: is life better then artifical life? What is family? Who is the real villan? Question we did ask: Why the fuck does the robot look like Godzilla?
And who says the Showa era ended?
Worst. Heartburn. Ever.
Also, fish.
Last edited by SoggyNoodles2016 on Mon Jun 25, 2018 12:50 pm, edited 1 time in total.
RIP Evan.
- Dawsbfiremind
- EDF Instructor
- Posts: 2958
- Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2017 7:59 pm
- Location: My writing desk
Re: Describe Heisei Movie Plots Badly
For some strange reason I want to sig this.SoggyNoodles2016 wrote: Also, fish.
goji89 wrote:With skills like this......I wonder too.Dawsbfiremind wrote:People have asked me how I can want to be a writer
TK drinking game official rules.MechaGoji Bro7503 wrote:Holy mother of Bagan we actually are stuck in limbo.
https://www.tohokingdom.com/forum/viewt ... 0#p1564587