Describe Showa Era Movie Plots Badly

[Terasawa]

Not trying to steal Tamura's thunder, but here are some similar synopses hot off the press:

1971-05-01, Garden City Telegram (KS): Given top billing in the combo is "The War of the Gargantuas"... Russ Tamblyn stars, and special effects consist of two men in monkey suits tossing toy tanks and helicopters around.

1981-09-29, Daily News (NY): "High Seas Hijack." Peter Graves, Gigi Perreau. Terrorists hijack an oil supertanker. Not a slick flick.

[Tamura]

The newspaper synopses are about as hilariously bad and inaccurate as they can get when they are bad. I'm obsessed with them.

[edgaguirus]

I like that description of Dagora.

[Gigantis]

The Dagora one killed me.

[godjacob]

Those newspaper summaries are the literal greatest thing I've ever seen in my life XD

[AllosaurHell]

Gojira: Angry sea dinosaur commits nuclear holocaust and gets killed by deadly bubbles made by some guy with an eyepatch.

King Kong vs Godzilla: Drunk ape juices on electricity to beat his scaly oppressor.

Destroy All Monsters: Space dragon with three heads gets killed by a bunch of hoodlums on Mount Fuji and gets t-bagged by the gang leader's strange son.

Godzilla's Revenge: Little kid helps a burnt Pillsbury dough boy get his abusive dad to beat up a giant toad that keeps wedgie-ing him.

Godzilla vs Hedorah: Giant sea reptile suddenly learns to fly after getting pooped on by a living pile of crap while everyone watching is high on acid.

[Voyager]

Gojira: Horribly mutated barney goes ham in Tokyo.
GRA: A second, anorexic, Godzilla appears and fights the least accurate ankylosaur since this:



KKvG: Japanese Hitler wants a big monkey to fight a big dinosaur for good ratings and cash.
MvG: Godzilla's back, and he's looking more pissed than ever. Also he just wants some lunch.
GTTHM: Godzilla and Rodan are forced to listen to some pretentious caterpillar talking about how they need to save the world from a spasmodic space dragon.
IoAM: Humans meet Humans in suits. Cookie Monster took the role of Godzilla this time around.
EHOTD: They thought CM did a great job so they brought him back, only this time he's been smoking too much weed. Not to mention he fought a big bird and glorified seafood.
SoG: Godzilla and his abomination son fight some wAcKy BuGs.
DAM: Final Wars: Before it burnt your eyes.
Revenge: The only Godzilla movie that has kidnapping, Shrek's granddad and Minya talking.
GvH: It's an acid trip where Godzilla learns to fly firehose style and fights the personification of what every little boy thinks a female private looks like.
GvG: In this movie night can turn into day at will! Godzilla and Anguirus fight a prosthetic arm experiment gone wrong.
GvM: Godzilla and Flaming Homobot fight Gigan and his Tantrum throwing brother.
GvMG: Godzilla + Dogman vs Shiny Godzilla
ToMG: Michael Bay's favorite. MGII and Muruchi fight a pissed off Godzilla.

[tbeasley]

• Father wants to study new lifeform, while his daughter schemes with her finance and lover to kill it.
  
  Reporter is stalked by large monster till his college buddy kills it for him.
  
  Bad luck follows a pilot around causing disaster, until he finally decides to end it all.
  
  Fighter with a drinking problem is kidnapped and then thrown into battle against a living flamethrower.
  
  After a monster kills their mother, twins put him into a silk straightjacket.
  
  Monsters argue whether or not it is worth saving mankind from a space monster.
  
  Astronauts get bamboozled trying to obtain the cure for cancer.
  
  A marathon dance competition leads to three castaways and a native girl stopping an evil organization with plans of world domination on a remote island.
  
  To win a bet scientist makes it snow on a tropical island.
  
  Boyfriend searches for his kidnapped girlfriend, when he finds her he rips her earrings out, later gets payback on her kidnappers.
  
  Baby monster dreams he is a latchkey kid in late 60’s Tokyo.
  
  When pollution becomes a monster that threatens the world, mankind’s only hope is a walking embodiment of nuclear war.
  
  Man’s smoking habit almost causes the world to be conquered by big cockroaches.
  
  Tired of nuclear bomb tests, undersea people send a monster to destroy the only country to ever have nuclear weapons used on them.
  
  Out of towners kidnap scientist to fix their super advanced weapon of destruction, his smoking habit ends up saving the day.
  
  Women is torn between helping her father and his friends from out of town, or betraying them and helping her potential lover, ends up committing suicide.

These are great.

[Major sssspielberg!]

Astronaut batters his girlfriend to save the world from giant monsters controlled by 3rd wave feminists from outer space

[Cryptid_Liker]

Boomer lizard attacks boomer city

Hedgehog gets on Lizard's nerves.

Lizard doesn't like Harambe

Lizard tries to take back the kids

Lizard fights G O L D because Moth forced him and Red Angry Bird to

(see above) but without Moth

Lizard goes to a Seafood Restaurant

Lizard kills Pests and adopts a kid

A zoo gets invaded

Dumb kid has a fever dream

Lizard takes pollution down to zero

Murder chicken

Murder chicken 2: Electric Boogaloo

Lizard thinks AI will take his job

AI befriends dinosaur and sends him to die

[Voyager]

Boomer lizard attacks boomer city

Hedgehog gets on Lizard's nerves.

Lizard doesn't like Harambe

Lizard tries to take back the kids

Lizard fights G O L D because Moth forced him and Red Angry Bird to

(see above) but without Moth

Lizard goes to a Seafood Restaurant

Lizard kills Pests and adopts a kid

A zoo gets invaded

Dumb kid has a fever dream

Lizard takes pollution down to zero

Murder chicken

Murder chicken 2: Electric Boogaloo

Lizard thinks AI will take his job

AI befriends dinosaur and sends him to die

Noice.

[splitz]

Gojira: A Masterpiece
Godzilla Raids Again: A Sonic The hedgehog Fan Fights With Godzilla With Accelerated Footage
King Kong VS. Godzilla: Drunk Monke
Mothra VS. Godzilla: Egg
Ghidorah The Three-Headed Monster: Godzilla Teams With A Verm And A Hippie Like Face Pteranodon For Fight Against an Alien Dragon With Spasms
Monster Zero: The Same Movie Above But With No Mothra
Godzilla VS. The Sea Monster: A King Kong Movie But With Godzilla Instead Of Kong
Son Of Godzilla: Godzilla Begins Create A Happy Family With Minilla But Humans Freeze The Island
Destroy All Monsters: Vitas Cosplayers Make A Monster Jailbreak But Humans Stop The Mind Control And Making The Monsters Fight Against The Dragon With Spasms
Godzilla's Revenge: Why Just Why
Godzilla VS. The Smog Monster: Godzilla Joins Greenpeace For Fight A Space Bubble
Godzilla VS Gigan: Godzilla And Anguirus Fights Ghidorah And A Robot Chicken
Godzilla VS. Megalon: Im Want To marry With Jet Jaguar
Godzilla VS. Mechagodzilla: Space Monkes Creates A Robot Godzilla For Conquest The World But Godzilla And A Magic Cat Destroy The Robot
Terror Of Mechagodzilla: Space Monkes Rebuild Mechagodzilla And Control A Fish

Mothra: Dont Matter If Mothra Destroyed Tokyo Lets Commemorate That she Is Now With Her Fairies

[Legion1979]

Can you PLEASE not capitalize every single word in your posts?

[godjacob]

Varan: Toho's unwanted step-child gets his one starring role and promptly chokes on his own fleeting success.

[edgaguirus]

G3HM- A dinosaur, pterosaur, and a moth walk into a space dragon.

IoTAM- If you give a Xillian your kaiju, they'll ask for your planet.

DAM- An action-packed documentary with kaiju, aliens, and spaceships.

[Cyberdra_1]

"Gojira"- Overweight tourist gets into a series of mishaps in Tokyo.

"Godzilla Raids Again"- A gritty tale of dog-training gone horribly wrong.

"King Kong vs Godzilla"- A pharmaceutical company learns the hard way when they hire an unreliable drunk to be their new spokesperson.

"Mothra vs Godzilla"- A wacky comedy romp in which a team of reporters and two unscrupulous businessmen fight over a rare object (which may explode).

"Ghidorah the 3-Headed Monster"- Lighthearted drama in which a young woman suffering from amnesia travels the countryside trying to find herself.

"Monster Zero"- Two astronauts on a distant travel to a new planet try to come to terms with their true feelings for one another.

"Godzilla vs the Sea Monster"- Miscreants shipwrecked on a tropical island cause trouble for a secret group trying to change the world.

"Son of Godzilla"- Heartwarming comedy in which a grumpy man is forced to adopt a young child, much to the chagrin of his even more irritable neighbors.

"Destroy All Monsters"- A close-knit group of friends attempt to deal with old bully who comes to town.

"Godzilla's Revenge"- Harrowing tale of a young boy suffering from a series of horrific dreams and visions.

"Godzilla vs Hedorah"- A comedy-drama in which two rivals fight over differing views on climate change.

"Godzilla vs Gigan"- The lives of numerous people are thrown into chaos upon the arrival of a new species of cockroach.

"Godzilla vs Megalon"- A chipper young man overcomes a crippling case of lockjaw and helps his new friend deal with a pair of hoodlums on a crime spree.

"Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla"- Japanese citizens band together when their jobs are threatened by the sudden introduction of a robot in the workplace.

"Terror of Mechagodzilla"- Even upon the discovery of a strange new creature, a young woman with suicidal tendencies worries those around her.