I’ve been writing stories for decades.
“Wait a minute,” some of you must be thinking. “Tom, aren’t you 24-years-old?”
As a matter of fact, yes. Yes I am.
“So you’ve been writing since you were, like, four?”
Hey, it’s not like I’ve been writing good stories for decades! Since my childhood, I’ve made some minor improvements in my spelling, grammar, and creativity. So I’m a little better than that one Godzilla comic I made back in pre-school. Even though I’ve gotten older, one thing remains the same, and that’s my undying love for kaiju eiga!
As fans, we love our monsters. We especially love our giant monsters. And we especially love it when our giant monsters fight it out inside a miniaturized city. It’s one of the biggest reasons why we watch these movies. Oh sure, we’re also fans of the plot, the characters, the symbolism, and all that other fancy stuff that makes us sound like credible moviegoers. But let’s not kid ourselves. Monster action is what keeps us coming back for more!
But not even the films can captivate us forever! We want more! We’re tired of seeing Godzilla defending Tokyo from King Ghidorah for hundredth time. Y’know what we’d really like to see? Godzilla versus Gamera! Rodan versus King Kong! I’d pay to see those fights on the big screen. Odds are we never will though. Bummer! Don’t worry! We have alternatives. You can always make a cool animated short. You could always to write a screenplay, maybe even pitch it to Toho if you have the right contacts. Hey, why not ask some artist to whip up a drawing? Matt Frank would be the right guy to ask. If you’re really desperate, why not start a discussion with other fans, and argue over what would really happen if these monsters fought each other to the death? All great ideas. Really, they’re all fun, innovative, and memorable.
Oh, right! There is another alternative.
Many years ago I founded the M.W.F. (Monster Wrestling Federation). It was a very popular attraction to my now extinct website. But like all great things, it had to end. But it’s legacy lived on when I started working for Toho Kingdom. I was tasked with breathing new life into what was formerly known as the T.M.W.F. (Toho Monster Wrestling Federation). But when I officially joined up, it had a different name…
It’s called the K.W.C. (Kaiju War Chronicles). It’s part of this really cool, popular little website called Toho Kingdom. It’s about monsters expressing themselves in the best way they know how: fighting. They do this in stories written by the fans for the fans. We’ve been writing these stories for several years now.
So imagine my surprise when Anthony Romero, the owner and founder of Toho Kingdom himself, offered me money for all of my hard work and dedication. Wait, what? That’s not what this is about? Then why the hell am I writing this?! Oh. Oh… OH! Oh come on! That’s what this is about?!
Well, apparently I’m supposed to provide some backstory behind Toho Kingdom’s 2011 April Fools Event. Sorry about all that buildup. I’m sure you were expecting something epic. Blame the purple snake running this operation for ruining the moment. Anyway, I better get back to doing my job, the one I don’t get paid for…
Every year we do something different for April Fools. There’s always a different theme. This year Anthony asked if I’d be interested in doing a KWC inspired prank. Now I’ve been toying with the idea of writing a parody story for years. But I lacked the motivation and inspiration to pull it off. Until now — err, more like two weeks before April Fools. That’s around the time Anthony asked if I’d be interested in doing this.
That’s when it all fell into place.
After exchanging ideas, I went to work. I had only a few rules to follow.
Rule #1: Do NOT stop writing until the story is complete.
Rule #2: Do NOT stop to fix spelling or grammar errors.
Rule #3: Do NOT plan much. This must be as spontaneous as humanly possible.
Rule #4: Bend SOME of these rules.
I had a blast writing this. I really really did. My friends would tell you I’m a jokester at heart. I love making people laugh. One of my favorite ways to make people laugh is by poking fun at myself. Because I can totally take it. So I wanted to parody the very things I love most about this fandom.
I love talking about kaiju. They’re fantastic characters. They are to humans what humans are to everything else. Tragic, terrifying, powerful, and larger than life. Yes, they usually star in campy films, and look fake as hell (there are a few exceptions). Whatever. I love these characters. Whether I’m discussing who’d win between Destoroyah and SpaceGodzilla or brainstorming why Godzilla is one of my favorite characters, I’m passionate through and through!
Some would call my passion an obsession. They’re probably right. So instead of having a nervous breakdown while watching every Godzilla movie ever made — did I mention I’d be in my custom-made Jet Jaguar costume during this time? — and hack into Toho Kingdom out of grief, I poke fun at myself (and a great deal of others) to relax.
Before writing for the K.W.C., I asked Anthony if I could use non-Toho beasties. He broke my heart by saying no. Oh well. Not a big deal! All was not lost! I’ll just include some cool cartoon kaiju… Oh, right. They weren’t allowed either. So I had to rely on sneaking them into our stories in the most subtlest ways. (Quickly, go read past matches in the vain hope of finding these fake easter eggs! I’ll wait.) So that’s one reason behind the inclusions of Evangelion, Cthulhu, Big O, and the Cloverfield Monster (just to name a few) in this year’s April Fools event. I also wanted to use ’em because I’m a fan of all those characters and thought they’d be perfect for the crazy storyline. I also wanted to shine the spotlight more on the ‘underdogs’ of the kaiju world: Gabara, Zilla, and Jet Jaguar. That didn’t happen quite the way I wanted. But it was fun making them super-powerful, regardless.
I cannot forget another K.W.C. tradition. It’s one we’ve all become accustomed to. Need a hint? It’s the banners! My longtime friend and collaborator, Christian Salabert, started making the K.W.C. banners years ago. Since then we’ve recruited other photoshop artists: Goji girl and Varan58. They’ve proven how irreplaceable they are to the site time and time again. One in particular helped me make the April Fools banner (it IS tradition). While Goji girl will help shed more light on her involvement, I will say this: I asked her to make a really bad banner. Instead we got a hilariously awesome banner. That’s just a testament of her incredible skills.
Before letting you go (because you can’t leave without me giving you permission), I’ll clue you in on the interesting format and writing style I implemented in the April Fools Match. Anyone familiar with screenwriting would recognize it. I’m a screenwriter myself. Several years ago, I wrote a very short Godzilla screenplay. It was so bad, it was really bad. By really bad, I mean worse than the K.W.C. matches Anthony wrote. So ever since then I’ve been very wary of doing a screenplay on kaiju. Because the failures of my past continue to haunt me even to this present day (I’m totally using this in a future story since it sounded gothic, ominous, and tragic). Almost every Godzilla fan has at one moment in time thought about writing and/or directing a feature length Godzilla film. We all secretly want to become Ascended Fanboys. So why not write like one? That’s really the gist of the plot: a Godzilla fan is writing a parody screenplay about a Godzilla fan writing a screenplay with him as the main character in the hopes of becoming famous.
Thanks for reading and enjoy the show! It’s so totally becoming a film someday.
On the Toho Kingdom forums, you’ve might’ve noticed how the KW.C. has its own subforum. It allows its readers to give us feedback, ideas, and fights they’d like to see (avoid telling us who should win though). We’ve had many memorable discussions. So you’re welcome to join us there. Maybe you’d be interested in writing for the KW.C. yourself? If so, go there now, and find out more information!
Goji Girl’s editorial commentary:
“When I got the request to do this banner, I had to pick up my hanging jaw up off the keyboard. Who knew these guys could come up with something so preposterous, so silly, so unfathomable… I just HAD to take this up. This isn’t a request you get everyday. It also hit me, I could do whatever the hell I wanted. So I did: I started off with getting a work-of-art of a background (A blocky city – drawn by a child, no less). Then came the images, and they had to be state of the art! So I got all that together (If you look at it, you’ll notice that their all mostly crummy toys, incomplete images, and video game models. Hell, there’s one that I didn’t even bother clearing the background to), and I slapped ’em on in the most bizarre and random of positions my feeble little mind could muster. Then came the title, something I didn’t necessarily come up with it, but I got to pick that cheesy “Oreos” font (Betcha didn’t realize that!). And, huzzah! Twas done, and I sat in awe at the comical thing. It made no sense in the least – and I loved every second of it.”