Match 148:
By: Joshua Reynolds

It was a dark and scary night. Rain fell like a heavy thunderstorm despite it being the middle of a dry spell on Monster Island, however that works. It was the coming of a God. A true God. Not something just with the word ‘God’ thrown in its name for some reason – but a true being of ultimate power. No, not Bagan. He has enough of those stories. Not Utsuno or Orochi either. It was a thing that’s very name sent wave after wave of terror down the spines of those that heard its name. And those that saw it would often be crippled in unequalled fear…

Giant Condor.

Destoroyah fell from the sky in ruin. Its body limp, broken, and bloody. Wings missing, face mangled, and horn stuffed down its very throat. Its gurgling carcass slammed hard with a bolt of lightning. SpaceGodzilla and Bagan looked up, unbelievable power cackling in their toothy muzzles. They fired. Twisted beams of energy swirled like ice cream before vanishing in the clouds.

They hit nothing.

Something hit SpaceGodzilla from behind, knocking him down. Bagan, his cruel eyes narrowing on his ally, slumped his jaw in disbelief. The back of the space saurian’s skull was cracked open and his brain matter splattered everywhere. Bagan’s body surged with cosmic might, but the unseen attacker swooped in low. A furry of pecks impacted its face like a nightmarish jackhammer. The titan of terror screamed in fury. His limbs flailed as if having an epileptic seizure. Then all went dark as the Giant Condor tore out his eyes! He screamed like a schoolgirl and fell back with the frenzied condor hissing and cawing. It gulped down his eyes and went back to work, shredding the armor as if it were made of cheap tissue paper.

Bagan’s face was skinned.

Its face smeared in the blood of the three terrors, the condor’s wings unfolded and it flapped once. Gracefully, the angel of death flew high. Following behind it, a meteor-like shot of white goop fell on the bloodied remains of Bagan and SpaceGodzilla…

Dawn came quickly the next day. Oh, and an alien invasion too!

The monsters fought hard. Monster X lifted Varan over his head and threw him. The lizard smashed into the charging Gorosaurus. The skeletal thing bellowed in fury as a dark shadow – belonging to Grand King Ghidorah – passed over. The serpent launched bolts of golden lightning upon the beach, sending Kumonga and Baragon flying back dozens of meters…

Not far away, the commotion reached the condor’s ears. The bird’s eyes slowly opened and blinked. Its blood thirsty beak opened and closed. Its wings flapped and like a bellowing rocket, the avian flew high…


The bird’s body tore through the hydra’s chest and back, spewing entrails like a demonic volcano. The space dragon’s body broke in half, showering the battlefield with blood. As the waterfall of blood and guts fell, Monster X looked up…

The Giant Condor landed on his shoulders! Its beak ripped into his eye sockets several times, pecking away and removing them. The alien fell back, limbs flailing as the condor’s beak jackhammered its face. The movements of the twisted kaiju began to lessen as the beak began to touch and rip out bits of his brain. The condor’s wings spread as it fed. Not far away, Godzilla snarled. His eyes glared and tail slapped the ground…

Nuclear energy began to dance upon his spines.

Sensing this, the condor turned its blood-soaked face. It dropped a piece of X’s brain matter. Godzilla fired. The condor lifted up, dodging the atomic ray. The king kaiju fired again, but the bird spiraled around the beam. Its talons outstretched… and ripped into his eyes too! Godzilla screamed like a little girl as he fell back, the condor perched on his snout. The talons continued to slash and grind, tearing up his face, until another echo challenged the god. The familiar cry of Anguirus barked loudly. The brave kaiju charged, ready to aid his ally.

The condor leaped into the air, allowing Anguirus to run directly into Godzilla. Unable to see or know what happened, Godzilla wasted no time in thinking his friend was his target. He fired point blank, blasting Anguirus into the air. The condor caught Anguirus’ tail and flew around. Using the spiked carapace as a mace, the Giant Condor clobbered every monster in sight with it. Monsters of all types fell to their knees until the god returned its focus on Godzilla. The Giant Condor launched Anguirus into Godzilla, a nuclear detonation following because science.

Enter Rainbow Mothra.


The island began to erupt from the epic-ness. Rivers of lava flowed, swallowing the charred remains of Godzilla and Anguirus as Rainbow Mothra focused on the destructive god. The divine insect fired countless beams, but the condor ducked them gracefully.

And then Biollante came. And Iris. And Gamera. And Zone Fighter. And Ultraman. And a Giant Dr. Serizawa! And every other monster on the roster that I am currently too lazy to look at! The condor beat them all. In a matter of minutes, the fiery island was littered with broken corpses. The Earth’s mana began to weaken from the toll of the fight, thus the GYAOS CAME! An entire SWARM!?

Yeah, an entire swarm OF GYAOS HEADED BY IRIS!

Flying into the upper atmosphere, the condor was chased by every flying kaiju ever. EVEN ONES NOT ON TOHO KINGDOM, LIKE THE GAPPA AND SHOWA GAMERA AND THE BALTANS!!! Even SHOWA GODZILLA came out of nowhere and took flight BECAUSE HE CAN FLY TOO!

The condor watched the attackers near and arrogantly flapped its wings once. Thousands of bodies pelted the Earth’s surface from the shockwave, some striking the planet’s molten core. But no, this act did not satisfy the feathery god and it flew in a split second to the Earth’s moon. It called loudly and flexed its wings.


As the swarms of surviving kaiju recovered to the air, they looked on in terror! The legions of kaiju had but a second to spectate before the MOON hit them. Their bodies were crushed as the moon descended upon the Earth – especially Monster Island.

The moon hit, crushing the entire island and every kaiju on it and thus every kaiju on Earth, because such a small island can contain millions of giant monsters. Then the Earth blew up too! Everything was dead! EVERYTHING! Expanding its wings, the condor coolly turned around. The god placed a pair of sunglasses over its eyes and looked at the thousands of stars surrounding it. It was a big universe to…


Pieces of flesh flew in every direction as a yellow flash engulfed the condor. Its wings floated gently apart while its head spun into the darkness of space, its glasses now fused to its head.

Watching the carnage of its attack, Heisei Ghidorah looked on with contempt. Its three heads gazed upon the destruction of Earth then at the god’s remains. The beast unleashed a screech that even the vacuum of space could not silence and proclaimed a simple statement to the entire galaxy. It would be a cold day in hell before something as pitiful as the Giant Condor won a K.W.C. Match. At least before it did…

King Ghidorah (Heisei)
King Ghidorah (Heisei)