Transcending fate...

... need we say more? Armor Mothra is the quintessence of awesomeness. Clad in mithril, he was forged in the mines of Moria (if we are to give credence to fan fics). Armor Mothra always knew he was virtually unsurpassed, and he soon discovered that his true calling was convincing everyone else of what he already knew. Whenever someone even begins to question an iota of his greatness, he swoops in!

Armor Mothra's diet consists of iron, bronze, steel, and awe. His main hobby consists of appearing at the most inopportune times to flex his shiny, mothy pecs. Some say that Armor Mothra's transcending fate could wow even the Russian judges at the Olympics. Time will tell.

Armor Mothra can be found on Armor Infant Island, which is what he calls Infant Island. If you'd like to reach him, be sure to offer him a gift of pure adamantium!

Lepidopterogigas ferrum (Elias, 1998)

From the earliest memories of Super Ancient Spain comes a daring rogue, the likes of which the world has never seen before. In what is now Málaga, Andalucía, Spain, Don Jenaro Montel Bágan and Doña Ricarda Merino gave birth to a son, Don Ricardo Gonzalo Pedro Montel Bágan y Merino. You can call him Don Bagan for short.

When he was a lad, he lived a privileged life. He had the manliest of manly Pura Raza Española stallions, the handsomest sombrero cordobés, an impressive space titanium fencing foil (of which he has recently acquired a twin), and a scarlet and charcoal cape woven from the finest imported Byzantine silk. His mother trained him in the art of self-defense, but warned him that he would suffer defeat if his foe's cause was nobler than his. Bagan became a local hero and fought many of the great villains of legend, including the infamous Doña Villana de la Ciudad del Mal, the ever cruel Don Cosquillas Con Una Pluma, and the dreaded Don Gases y Flatulencia. His trademark monogram was scorched into the very minds of his vanquished foes.

Eventually he began to travel the world, and decided to briefly settle in Super Ancient China, specifically Yiling (present-day Yichang). One day, Bagan was awoken by a call from the future. An unnamed alien race requested his help to defeat an outlaw of immense power, the ferocious Don Super Godzilla. Always willing to accept a challenge, Bagan traveled to December 22nd, 1993 and fought his foe valiantly in front of the Diet Building. For the first time in his life, Bagan was defeated! He soon realized that the alien invaders had tricked him, for Bagan knew full well that he would only ever suffer defeat if his foe's cause was nobler than his. When the battle was through, Bagan befriended Godzilla and was brought to Monster Island, where he settled on the Islet of Sassafras, a few hundred meters from the main island. He has made his home in the present, but frequently slips into the past to see his mamá y papá.

Bagan's diet consists mainly of gazpacho and plato alpujarreño. His main hobby is fencing. In the past, he had very little time for the ladies, but as of recent, has chosen to make himself known as such a mujeriego to make even Don Juan blush.

As noted earlier, Bagan's permanent home is located on the Islet of Sassafras. Nevertheless, he has often been found wandering the Tabernas Desert, seeking to help those in need of defense. Para la Antigua España y los kaijus!

Pantemporalis andaluciensis (Ogata, 1993)

Only a monster with a sexy quotient of 1,000,000 earns the right to the title Studly Saurian.

Baragon journeyed to the Imperial Capital of Andromeda with a group of fellow LARPers in 1976. He was sorely unprepared for Chancellor Gabara's coup, and was forced into exile on Earth early into the conflict. Due to the fact that exile is as boring as all get-out, Baragon began sifting through tome after tome to develop a keen skill at healing. Within time, he became a bona fide physician of both spiritual and physical prowess.

Baragon's diet consists chiefly of beluga caviar, fillet mignon, and lobster tail on the side... cuz he's so dang rich! His main hobby is badminton. His style is so precise and refined, that some believe him to have once wielded a Glowy Sword. Their suspicions are spot on!

Baragon currently resides at the Kaiju General Hospital on Monster Island, but often vacations on his own private Islet of Baratopia. Cuz he's so dang rich!

Canicularisaurus monoceros (Togami, 1965)

Yo ho! Yo ho! The life of a legitimate gift card salesman for me...

Captain Hector Bar Battra, the Scourge of the Seven Skies, is a larva well-acquainted with the ancient art of piratin'. After a brief stint as a swimming pool service technician aboard the S.S. Lido Deck, he acquired his own ship in 1992. An English Galleon that would later come to be known as the S.S. Bootylicious, his dealings aboard this vessel have become the stuff of legends... the gooey, maple syrupy stuff. Of course, he doesn't want anyone in a position of authority to know of his illicit activities. As such, he recently consulted a certified public accountant by the name of Hedorah Stewart Konigsberg. At the financial expert's suggestion, he went public with his company, Battra's Amalgamated Trading Team Retail Associates, or B.A.T.T.R.A. Inc. Little did Hedorah realize that his client's business was simply a front organization, and without knowing what he was getting into, he quickly accepted a full-time position in the accounting department. Aboard the Bootylicious, Captain Battra and CPA Hedorah sail the many winds, holding true to the Bootylicious Mission Statement: "To loot ports, seize ships, and generally cause piratey mischief, all under the guise of an aftermarket gift card distributor... arr". In actuality, Captain Battra always returns what he loots, and makes the majority of his capital off his lucrative contracts with retail giants. Unclaimed buried treasure makes up for the remaining 10% of his profits. When it comes right down to it, Captain Battra is just out for the weird thrill of bringing the golden age of piratin' back to the mainstream. He's a sucker for the old school.

B.A.T.T.R.A. Inc. offers a summer internship program that is second to none, which may or may not fall in the summer months depending on a wide number of unpredictable variables. Little Godzilla, Varan, and the Giant Condor have all experienced the excitement of this potentially educational opportunity, yet have gleaned very little usable experience. Nevertheless, a fun time was had by all.

Captain Battra's diet consists primarily of Granny Smiths, McIntosh Reds, Ginger Golds, applesauce, apple pie, and apple crumble. His main hobby is synchronized swimming. He also enjoys a challenging crossword puzzle from time-to-time. Some historians argue that Battra sailed under Blackbeard between 1717 and 1718 aboard the Queen Anne's Revenge. This theory comes from a rather peculiar entry in Blackbeard's diary, "Insufferable row on deck; a great creeping thing to blame. Wormlike, but a mighty fine sailor... first mate material, says I."

Battra can be found aboard his flagship, the S.S. Bootylicious. Don't bug him during crossword time, which is between 4:00 PM to 1:00 AM daily, by the way... arr.

Lepidopterogigas obscurus (Saegusa, 1992)

Fellas, one word of advice for you. Don't ask Biollante to wear the gold bikini!

Biollante is an amalgam of Godzilla cells, a rose, and a girl named Erika. Upon realizing she had become a kaiju, Erika was at first reluctant, but she soon realized the world of monsters had its perks. When she was offered the option to have her old body cloned and her soul inserted into the Erika replica, she ultimately declined. She was quoted as saying: "Why would I want to that?!? I'm the coolest frickin' plant monster ever!"

Eventually, she decided she would take a trip into outer space, where she fought with the rebels during the Galactic Kaiju War (1976-1983). There, she met the dashing, daring, and actually rather chicken-livered Han Guirus Solo. She dragged her delusional boyfriend back to Earth after the eventual rebel victory, but they ultimately went their separate ways.

For a while, Biollante authored prizewinning nonfiction literature. Her most recent works include Botany and Feminism, a Tale of Plant Life and Freedom and A Rose Lined with Teeth is Still a Rose. In early 2012, she married Monster X, and both continue to look after their biological daughter from an alternate future, Celebi. The recent birth of Celebi's counterpart in our timeline, Serebii, has only added to Biollante and Monster X's wedded bliss.

Biollante's diet consists of water, sunlight, and soil. Her main hobbies are visiting lakes, dematerializing and rematerializing, space-travel, intergalactic politics, and also horseback riding. She is the founder and CEO of Chimera Corp., based in Seoul. Some people are under the misconception that Biollante doesn't visit Dr. Shiragami as often as one would expect, but this is far from the truth. They go bowling on Saturdays.

Biollante can be found residing in a villa with her family on Monster Island, but she does keep a summer home in Lake Ashino. Again, don't even bring up the gold bikini...

Botanisaurus shiragamii (Saegusa, 1989)

Black Moth is a surfer dude at heart, with a hairdo that might be a few decades behind the times (and a taste in music that lags even further). Does this bother the loveable pixiu? To quote Black Moth, "Umm, like... no? Maybe?"

The result of brain swapping and wing grafting, Black Moth has only one goal in his life: to do his job to the best of his inability. He began his career as a humble busboy at Le Restau Romantique, and through hard work, grit, and determination, he managed to snag his current position as Assistant Head Waiter!

Black Moth's diet consists almost entirely of cat food and birdseed. Whenever Black Moth isn't serving geriatric soylent foodstuffs (don't worry, they're just tofu molds with food coloring), he can be found surfing/skateboarding/sitting. One common misconception is that Black Moth is a 100% pure "Valley Guy". This is rather inaccurate according to Black Moth, who was quoted as saying: "As if! Whatever!"

Black Moth can be found residing at latitude zero, aka the equator. Be sure to bring your Clueless-to-English Dictionary whenever you visit.

Aquilaleo pixiu (Malik, 1969)

Celebi's story is a bizarre one that has taken many unusual twists and turns. On January 8th, 2013 in an alternate timeline, Veruca Celebi Organa-Xavier was born to Biollante and Monster X. She had already grown very powerful by age four, when she suddenly received a warning signal from the past. Years prior, on March 19th, 2011, someone had sent a message warning the world of 2017 that a weapon of immensely destructive power, the Dimension Tide, had been armed by Manda to destroy the planet! With enough time to spare, Celebi used a time travel trick to duplicate herself and instructed her clone to move everyone off-planet before the black hole gun fired. She then declared her intentions to return to the past and unravel the unfolding mystery.

In order to prevent Manda from becoming suspicious of her activities, she feigned a sociopathic desire for world domination tempered by silly weaknesses. To protect her parents' counterparts in this timeline, she initially hid the truth about her background. Meanwhile, she secretly deputized a spritely creature of mysterious origin, Mew, as her first and most loyal lackey. Vegeta filled the position of second most loyal after he lost most of his body to mercenary Ro-Man and was transformed by Celebi into the cyborg Jet Jaguar. This small gang of freedom fighters knew that Manda had meant to draw a powerful time traveler to the past so he could exploit his or her powers. Celebi's mere presence was a means of springing the trap.

Manda's motivation was quite unusual. He was rather unhappy with the way the Galactic Kaiju War (1976-1983) had concluded all those years ago, and wished to return to that time to ensure that he would become the Emperor of Andromeda. Kidnapping Monster X and locking him in the Cinema 77 Dungeon, he prepared for Celebi's arrival by lining the walls with unobtainium. When Celebi came to rescue her dad, Manda began to drain her abilities, but the vastly more powerful Biollante had already begun to fully unravel the mystery and arrived just in time to defeat him. Celebi's history and Manda's plan were brought to light within the span of only a few moments, and for a time, it seemed as though the only obstacle left was to destroy the Dimension Tide. Its exact orbit was a carefully guarded secret, and after the fight, Manda claimed that he couldn't recall the coordinates. After extensive research, Celebi discovered the position of the Dimension Tide, and unleashed a full assault on the orbiting satellite shortly after Biollante and Monster X's wedding on January 28th, 2012.

Manda was under careful surveillance for several months, but there were gaps in intelligence where Manda seemed to simply disappear. Jet Jaguar revealed that just before he fought and lost his battle against Ro-Man, he had been closing in on the plot of an unknown villain whose actions were shrouded in mystery. Celebi had, at that earlier time, supposed a connection with Manda, and now Jet Jaguar's information seemed to confirm it. However, there were aspects of the plans of Jet Jaguar's quarry that didn't quite match Manda's blueprints, and they finally deduced that Manda must have been in the employ of an evil mastermind. Whoever this nameless villain was, he or she was certainly behind both the world annihilation aspect of Manda's plot and Ro-Man's attempt to silence Vegeta. Jet Jaguar had held a theory close to his vest for a long while, for he had come to the conclusion that the evil mastermind might be evil masterminds: the Shobijin. In order to prove the theory, Mew was commissioned to write a book under an unusual pseudonym, explaining the step-by-step process required to build a cobalt bomb. Meanwhile, Celebi would apparently use the tome to build the titular doomsday device and set up an auction to lure out Manda's puppeteer (or puppeteers). Oddly, both Mothra and King Caesar bid on the mass extinction weapon, but Celebi agreed with Jet Jaguar's theory and assumed that Mothra was the correct lead. With the "cobalt bomb" sold, all she would have to do is sit and wait.

It wasn't long before the masterminds revealed themselves, for the sadistic Shobijin were behind the whole enchilada, or so it seemed. Prior to detonating the device, they relinquished their control over Manda's mind and sent him on his way. Unfortunately for the twin fairies, the bomb turned out to be a trap. They admitted to Celebi that they had concocted their terrible scheme because they felt that their belovèd Mothra was unappreciated by the rest of the world. Had the original plan worked properly, they would have destroyed the Earth and placated their servant Manda by joining their mind control with the time travel abilities he would have sapped from Celebi. With these powers combined, Manda would have surely become Emperor of Andromeda. Meanwhile, the Shobijin plot for revenge would have been well underway with the Dimension Tide armed to detonate several years in the future. Celebi revealed to the Shobijin that their assumptions about the world's indifference toward Mothra were the result of a misunderstanding. Contrite, the twin fairies agreed to do a favor for Celebi before they even knew what she was going to request. Celebi asked that the Shobijin use their powers to help her become Empress of Andromeda. Few things have genuinely shocked the Shobijin in the course of their long lifetimes, but this definitely made the list. The reign of Darth Mechagodzilla and Son soon came to a close; and the Andromeda Galaxy was now Celebi's!

Jet Jaguar, still reeling from his defeat at the hands of mercenary Ro-Man, was not forgotten by Celebi. Now that she ruled Andromeda, she was able to employ millions of spies to track down the rogue mercenary. As a result, Ro-Man fled to the Milky Way Galaxy. An intelligence source finally revealed that the robot monster was only a few miles from Celebi's Earth Base. The rematch began, and Jet Jaguar quickly turned the tables on his foe. Ro-Man's furry guise was shed and his robotic limbs torn asunder. Celebi rebuilt the robotic ape and dubbed him Mechani-Kong. After convincing him to join her side as the third loyal lackey, Celebi decided to target the source of Mechani-Kong's incredible power, the Calcinator Death Ray. Scanning the rogue satellite, Jet Jaguar soon came to the conclusion that it could only be destroyed by someone with a power level greater than 9 trillion. Biollante, being one of the few kaiju with a power level in that general range, was asked to take care of the job. In a flash of rosy plasma, she reduced the satellite of horror into a veritable pyrotechnic display. Celebi began to bask in the glow of complete and utter victory, but her mother implied that a greater evil might still be out there. Someone may have influenced the Shobijin...

Celebi consulted her secret intelligence lackey, Little Godzilla, and finally asked him if what she had long suspected was true. Was he the one who originally called her from the future? Confirming her suspicions, he told her the full story as he knew it. He also added that he might have a clue to the new mystery. He had consulted Mothra about the possibility of a greater evil, and she revealed that "the other bidder" might have information to help them. Celebi recalled that King Caesar had also bid on her "cobalt bomb" and quickly gathered the other lackeys to question him. Caesar regaled them with the story of a mysterious, feline creature who had been feeding sinister suggestions to the Shobijin. This situation alarmed King Caesar enough to make a bid for the cobalt bomb. He also noted the shadowy figure's peculiar obsession with spiders. With this information in hand, Celebi realized that Kumonga might hold the answer to this perplexing puzzle. Kumonga informed Celebi that the mystery cat had very recently claimed he would become extraordinarily powerful to impress the gargantuan spider into falling madly in love with him. At that very moment, Celebi and the lackeys sensed an energy transfer of astronomic proportions and rushed to the location of the disturbance. The greater evil was finally revealed...

... Katz Kandy.

This evil feline used an immense amount of unobtainium to absorb Radian X-7's virtually bottomless well of energy. Biollante, having long kept her "third eye" on the situation, suddenly sensed that Celebi was in danger and rushed to protect her. One of the very few kaiju with enough strength to contend with a power as great as the one Katz absorbed from Radian, she fought her feline foe! During the battle, Katz reveled in the fact that he had fed fell suggestions to the Shobijin merely for his own amusement. Though it appeared as though Katz had gained the upper hand, Biollante absorbed his most powerful attack and vanquished him with her Hybrid Tea Assault! Radian X-7's energy was returned to him, and Katz pleaded with Biollante and Celebi to show clemency and allow him to become their housepet. Shortly thereafter, Celebi convinced him to become her fourth loyal lackey, and the Dimension Tide Wars (2011-2012) were finally over.

For far too long, Celebi was involved in conflicts well beyond her years, but with the help of her friends and family, she prevailed. And now she has a little sister, Serebii, who is actually her counterpart native to this timeline. All of the many things Celebi has learned she can pass on to her younger sibling.

Celebi's diet consists of such oddities as peanut butter and sardine sandwiches and such not-so-oddities as peanut butter cups. Her favorite hobby is ruling the Andromeda Galaxy. Some say that Celebi's Andromedan Revenue Service levies one of the most reasonable taxes in the cosmos. At only 1%, this is probably true. Nevertheless, her salary from the Andromedan Tax comes to the equivalent of about one quadrillion dollars per year.

Celebi can be found at Organa-Xavier Villa on Monster Island, or at Celebi's Earth Base in the John Boyd Thacher State Park, or in the Imperial Palace of the Andromedan Capital. She is quite happy to receive anybody as her guest. Missionaries are welcome.

Astrobotanicus tachyon (Elm, 2011)

Deutalios is the result of bioengineering gone terribly right, much like the cubic watermelon... if that were the result of bioengineering... which it isn't.

Originally cast for a brief role in Godzilla vs. Biollante (1989), Deutalios thought he would finally make something of himself in the film industry. Sadly, he was canned during early script rewrites.

So he sought his revenge!

When that inevitably failed, he guzzled latte, espresso, cappuccino, and every other form of unnecessarily expensive caffeinated beverage until his very DNA became a mild stimulant. Unable to stem his own hyperactivity, he realized that his only recourse was to become an announcer at organized sporting events.

Deutalios' diet consists chiefly of pixie sticks, purified high fructose corn syrup, and double mocha latte's with cream and nutmeg. Calzones with ricotta cheese instead of mozzarella are also among his favorite foods. It was once thought that if you looked hard enough, you could find a picture of Deutalios on a 100 dollar bill. This has since been proven false, as people were mistaking Ben Franklin for Deutalios.

Deutalios currently resides in the historic Coffee District of Seattle, or sometimes deep within the sugar mines of the third moon of Rigel VII.

Pisciratus shiragamii (Saegusa, 1989)

Gabara's diet consists mainly of beef jerky, Doritos, and Mountain Dew. Oh! We mustn't forget the calzones. His main hobbies include electrokinesis and alchemy. Some say that the Rock of Gibraltar was one of Gabara's creations... to which he responded, "WHAT?!? Seriously, that doesn't make any sense."

Gabara can be found residing in his winter residence in Titusville, Florida; or his summer residence in the The Dark Tower of Gabara-dûr, in the Lands of Mist, in the Deepest, Darkest Reaches of Villainland. The latter residence is located in the Southern Hemisphere... we'll let you figure out why that was not-so-great planning on Gabara's part.

Anthropotanystropheus gabara (Konigsberg, 1947)

The Giant Condor was born to even gianter condors in 1963 on the Island of Letchi. For reasons we cannot explain, the Giant Condor remains three and a half years old to this very day.

The Giant Condor's first encounter with stardom was a brief role in the 1966 movie: Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966). Immediately thereafter, his agent suffered temporary amnesia, and as a result, the Giant Condor fell from stardom. In the mean time, he began to devour anime and digest manga. Eventually, the Giant Condor became the first scavenger bird in history to be inducted into the Otaku Hall of Fame. Near the turn of the century, Yu-Gi-Oh! became his primary source of entertainment. To this day, he can quote any line Bakura spoke throughout the entire series.

Nowadays, he pops in and out of public perception. His shrill voice, inquisitive nature, dominating presence, and borderline sociopathy are indeed forces with which to be reckoned. The Giant Condor's diet consists not of carrion, as some avid ornithophiles might reckon. His sweet tooth is absolutely legendary, for this cute little buzzard could down a boatload of chocolate in 8 minutes flat. His main hobbies include building scale replicas of Akihabara, zooming in on Akihabara with Google Earth, and learning how to write "Akihabara" in kana. It is said that the Giant Condor simply adores putting adhesive-backed googly eyes on just about everything. This is only partially true; simply remove the words "just about" from the previous sentence for clarification.

The Giant Condor lives with his parents on Letchi, and for similarly vague reasons, they too never age.

Superteratornis aurantius (Caldwell, 1967)

A tenured professor of Reptilian Psychology at Harvard University, Godzilla is certainly one of the most fascinating enigmas in all of Monsterdom. His face reflects unbridled ferocity, but his personality is certainly far more sophisticated than one would expect. Not only is he licensed to practice law on Monster Island (and Massachusetts), but on a more clandestine level, he has also performed undercover work for several government agencies. Nevertheless, his most exciting exploits have been his dealings with fellow monsters.

The Godzillasaurus is a creature with an unusual biological quirk. This type of dinosaur quickly reaches adolescence within a year of its birth, yet it never grows any further unless acted upon by some external stimulus. On July 25th, 1946, a Godzillasaurus named Gojira began to mutate into adulthood as a result of the Baker test during Operation Crossroads. When Eleanor Cthulhu learned what had happened, she rushed to Lagos Island in Bikini Atoll to see if her young friend had survived. Discovering that Gojira had transformed into an adult, the two soon fell in love and married. By the end of the year, their son Godzilla hatched. The family had moved to a safer island, and Godzilla was raised with loving care by his parents for the better part of a decade. Only the brief War of 1953 interrupted this period of peace. In 1954, Gojira was growing frustrated with the slow development of Godzilla's atomic heat ray. Sadly, this culminated in a rash move. He quickly regretted stomping on Godzilla's tail, because the resultant energy blast scarred Gojira from head to foot. Apologizing for his lapse in judgment, Gojira rushed to Tokyo to invest in some much needed plastic surgery, but Dr. Serizawa thought him a threat and used the oxygen destroyer to skeletonize the monster. Concerned with her son's safety, Eleanor Cthulhu enrolled Godzilla in the Komandorski Kaiju Boarding School, where he began classes in early 1955. While she worked with the contrite Japanese government in an attempt to convert Gojira's bones into a cyborg, Godzilla began acclimating to his new surroundings. He developed an Eastern European accent and an interest in Eastern European culture. In 1969, a young kaiju named Gabara began to mercilessly bully Godzilla. Culminating in a stomped tail, Gabara soon felt the same sting of regret that Godzilla's dad had experienced years earlier.

As is the case with Godzillasaurs, Godzilla's adolescence continued indefinitely until one fateful day in 1979 when a nuclear accident in the Bering Sea transformed him into an adult. One of his friends from school, Armor Mothra, revealed that he was a time-traveler. In order to help Godzilla adjust to the sudden change, he offered to bring him on a grand tour through the era of his childhood as an adult. Returning to 1954, Godzilla's mere presence alarmed a Japan that had just experienced the rise and fall of Gojira a few days earlier. Serizawa's clone (don't ask) attempted to use a second oxygen destroyer, but the device backfired. Fortunately, it only caused the scientist a bit of eyestrain. Godzilla's anger began to swell at the belligerent antics of humans, and he decided to destroy human civilization. When 1955 rolled along, he planned to make Osaka the first target of his boiling wrath. Little did he realize that another monster named Anguirus was preparing to go through with a very similar plan. Godzilla and Anguirus clashed off the coast of Japan and then in the very heart of Osaka for supremacy, but they both eventually decided to join forces. After talking it over for a little while, they decided that humans were just misunderstood and abandoned their plans for a joint global assault. From that day on, they became the best of friends.

Over the next two decades, Godzilla found himself in numerous situations that called for conflict resolution. During his campaigns, he fell for the gigantic arachnid Kumonga, although it turned out to be an unrequited infatuation; he apologized to Gabara for scarring him with his atomic heat ray; and he even found his past self and helped prepare the young lad for the future. When Gojira's cybernetic transformation was complete, Godzilla helped him break the mind control of the Black Hole Aliens who had seized an opportunity to brainwash the newly completed Earth cyborg. Then, between 1975 and 1984, Godzilla drifted out of the spotlight. He refused to take part in the Galactic Kaiju War (1976-1983), unlike some of his relatives. It was only when a time-traveling Miki Saegusa convinced him to buy a pogo stick in 1983 that things started to heat up again. He bounced his way through several new conflicts during the late '80s and early-to-mid-'90s. During this time, he fell in love with a girl named Takoyaki Cthulhu (no relation to his mother). They married, and Little Godzilla was born in 1993. Little Godzilla grew swiftly to adolescence within a year's time, where he currently remains. During the late '90s, current events cooled down to a simmer. Godzilla bought a Mercury Sable, and when a new era of conflict arose, he drove the family sedan through the early '00s. Ultimately, he used the quality automobile as a bargaining chip to resolve the Faux Xilien Invasion (2004). From then on, things have been much quieter.

There have been a few notable events in recent years. For one, Godzilla appeared in the little known 2005 movie Gabara X Monster X X Godzilla X Anguirus XX, which was in Albania's top 20 for two consecutive weeks. On July 31st, 2006, a miscommunication with one of the Mothra Larvae led to an incident where Godzilla had to have his stomach pumped. They have since buried the hatchet. In 2007, a brief military coup shook Monster Island when Ultimate Black Hole Duck attempted to create the position of Monster in Chief in a bid to end the Continuing Vacancy of the Office of Daikaiju President (1981-Present). Duck's brief reign was not only plagued by belligerent policymaking, but he also violated the terms of the Monster Island Constitution on several occasions. The Island of Representatives, a small islet near Monster Island where the legislature meets, was under siege for weeks. Fortunately, Godzilla arrived, toppled the coup, and restored order.

After Gabara sent numerous letters to Godzilla flaunting the success of the then new Kaiju Kritics franchise during late 2008 and early 2009, Godzilla and Anguirus decided to temporarily take control of Cinema 77 and locked the hosts in a dungeon. In a bizarre behind the scenes twist, Ultimate Black Hole Duck toppled the coup and convinced Godzilla and Anguirus to release their prisoners earlier than planned. The next few years were punctuated with occasional bursts of excitement. Around March 24th, 2009, Godzilla endured Moguera's unpleasant time share sales pitch on Tyddeel Island, off the coast of South Africa; in September of 2011, Godzilla briefly hosted Wheel of Fortune; and on May 5th, 2012, Godzilla survived late stage Meltdown Syndrome when Dr. Baragon Van Horn used Faith Healing to prevent catastrophe. Contrary to popular misconception, Godzilla did not experience Meltdown Syndrome in 1995 (in the Toon Timeline, that is).

As a result of his numerous victories throughout the mid-to-late-20th and early 21st centuries, Godzilla has long been considered the honorary Monsterweight Champion of the World. As most of his well-known campaigns ended with peaceful resolutions, he was quite surprised to face a fierce, albeit weaker adversary in Gorosaurus on January 19th, 2013 in the boxing ring. Although Godzilla retained the title, Gorosaurus (aka the Mondo Island Mauler) earned a great deal of respect from the bout.

It should be noted that since Godzilla is one of the most famous of all kaiju, there have been a lot of false rumors swirling around about him. First, he never worked for the radio station MPR in 1934. Second, he never attacked the UN Building in 1999 during the Kilaak Invasion (although his past self was warped to the present to fight King Ghidorah, his current self was in New Kirk City with Anguirus enjoying a beautiful day in Middle Park). Third, he never befriended a man named Mr. Shindo; this is non-canon and based on a rather fanciful story Gabara concocted about his return to Earth following the Galactic Kaiju War (1976-1983). A number of other misconceptions come from one Arnold Johnson, who was the curator of the American Museum of Natural History during the 1960s. He falsely suggested that Godzilla's brain was approximately the size of a peanut, that Godzilla's best character in the Super Smash Bros. series was Jigglypuff, that Godzilla didn't know the difference between a viola and a violin, and that he was a cross between a T. rex and a Stegosaurus. How Mr. Johnson knew about the Super Smash Bros. series decades before anyone else is a true mystery, but it doesn't make his claims any less false. Jigglypuff was only Godzilla's second best character, and that was only in Super Smash Bros. Melee.

Godzilla's diet consists mainly of nuclear reactors...

We're just kidding, the man needs protein after all! Godzilla is a fan of numerous exotic cuisines but has a particular soft spot for palak paneer, which he likes to wash down with a cold can of Dr. Pepper. His favorite hobbies include playing video games (his all-time favorite is Super Mario World) and keeping his Dad out of trouble. Some say that Godzilla's brother SpaceGodzilla was the best man at his wedding. This is actually false, as Biollante acted as her brother's best woman. They're progressive like that.

Godzilla can be found living on Monster Island with his wife and son. If you'd like to pay him a visit, just remember to avoid stepping on his tail.

Godzillasaurus yamanei lagosensis (Terasawa, 1991)

A tiny little seven-and-a-half meter gorilla fought an equally diminutive theropod in the early 1930's. That was mere child's play! Gorosaurus has been fighting massive monkeys on Mondo Island for many moons (well, technically a massive ape, but I was going for alliteration).

A year after Gorosaurus' ape-boxing career ended in the late '60s, he retired to Monster Island and opened his own sushi bar. Decades passed relatively peacefully, with the Galactic Kaiju War (1976-1983) proving to be only a minor distraction. On December 3rd, 2006, he returned home for some well-deserved rest after a hard day's work. Then, he heard a buzzing. Megaguirus, the monstrous dragonfly, had invaded this silly saurian's bedroom. In a fit of ferocious phobia, he grabbed his novelty flyswatter, and began a long, long chase that would take him through several toons.

His preferred meal of choice is the Wendy's Kids Meal. His hobbies consist of "flyswatter badminton", which he occasionally plays with his friend Baragon.

In an unusual twist, Gorosaurus and Megaguirus are now happily married! Who would have guessed?

Gorosaurus mondoensis (Who, 1967)

In the late 1890's, "mystery airships" were reported throughout the western United States. Some were bona fide UFO sightings while others were simple misidentifications. Hedorah's flying form was among the phenomena reported, for this visitor from afar had stumbled upon his new favorite vacation destination, Earth. A short while into his first visit, he journeyed to Europe and discovered an underground tar pit on the Italian Peninsula. Dubbing his discovery the Konigsberg Subterranean Asphalt Lake, it quickly became his favorite haunt. You must understand that tar baths are considered a luxury by Hedorah's alien race, which inhabits artificial satellites in orbit around Cygnus X-1.

During his longest stay in the early twentieth century, he attended the Komandorski Kaiju Boarding School to further his education. Built in 1928 by Eleanor Cthulhu, the institution's campus not only included K-12, but also offered a progressive college dedicated to enriching the minds of adult kaiju. Graduating in 1936 with a degree in accounting, Hedorah shortly thereafter became a member of the Kaiju Institute of Certified Public Accountants (KICPA). Unfortunately, he had trouble securing employment during the Great Depression and returned to Cygnus X-1 for a few more years. When World War II broke out, he rushed back to Earth and fought alongside the Allies in Europe. After V-E Day, he departed for home to rest. A few years passed, and in late 1947, he once again visited Earth, specifically his favorite underground tar pit. This time, an unusual being emerged from the bubbling goop. Kept alive by radioactive mutagenic nanobots for 230 million years, the creature Gabara had stepped into a strange new world. Taking the unusual kaiju under his wing, Hedorah enrolled the super ancient reptile in the K-12 program offered by his old alma mater, the Komandorski Kaiju Boarding School.

During the 1950s and 1960s, Hedorah became a well-known and well-respected CPA. He used his earnings to purchase his very own business, the Cygnus Buffet in Atlantic City. When Jimmy Kamacuras finished setting up Monster Island in the late '60s, Hedorah purchased his very own home on the isle and began following the harrowing exploits of Godzilla. By the time he met Godzilla in 1971, Hedorah had become one of the nuclear saurian's biggest fanboys. Their meeting inspired Hedorah to plan a run for the Monster Island Congress, but he decided that he would wait until 2006 in order to develop a solid rapport with the Monster Island community. When 2004 arrived, he decided to run a bit earlier than planned, due to his popularity among fellow kaiju. Running under the Kaijucratican ticket, he won the race against the incumbent Seamonsterian, Congressman Gezora. Shortly after the election, the Faux Xilien Invasion began. He was drafted by the alien invaders, but like most of the monsters, he had become a pacifist and harbored very little interest in the aliens' bid for conquest. He helped his fellow monsters seek a peaceful and swift resolution to the conflict.

Two years came and went, and election time once again found itself on Hedorah's doorstep. His opponent this time was the wealthy Ebirah. The campaign started jovially; Hedorah even caricatured himself in his own ads as a bit of self-deprecating humor. Although Ebirah desired a positive campaign as well, his party ran a multitude of mudslinging ads without his permission. In the end, it all boiled down to this: Hedorah was the anti-plutocracy candidate, while Ebirah was the anti-taxation candidate. The election resulted in a tie, and since each candidate earned at least one vote, they would share the seat according to the rules of the Monster Island Constitution. Though they were at opposite ends of the political spectrum, they worked hand in hand to better Monster Island by concentrating on bipartisan legislation to help their constituents. After two years, they both stepped down, and Hedorah began working as an independent CPA. He continued to look after the Cygnus Buffet, but eventually, he decided he wanted more stable employment.

On March 5th, 2011, Hedorah responded to a help wanted ad in the newspaper and soon became Captain Battra's accountant aboard the airborne galleon, the S.S. Bootylicious. Upon perusing the Bootylicious' books, he quickly became suspicious of various piratelike entries, but Battra ultimately convinced him that there was nothing to be concerned about. His time aboard the ship has been mostly peaceful, with one notable exception. During the weekend of April 16th, 2011, he had a close call when the vessel almost crashed. For reasons that may be too complicated to explain here, an unlicensed kiwi was piloting the craft.

Hedorah's diet, contrary to popular misconception, does not consist of pollutants. This was a misunderstanding based on his fondness for the "garbage plate", a local favorite of Rochester, New York. An adherent of Messianic Judaism, he has sometimes been accused of breaking dietary laws by indulging in such foods. It should be pointed out that the observance of kashrut is a subject of continued debate among this religious movement. Hedorah's hobbies consist of collecting albums from his favorite artists (e.g. Yukio Keuchi) and playing the occasional game of Battleship. He also thoroughly enjoys flying the S.S. Bootylicious when the captain is busy with some other pursuit. A fan of current events, he always keeps his eyes on the news.

Hedorah can be found living peacefully on Monster Island, or traveling the world with Captain Battra. If you'd like to reach him, remember not to make any physical contact unless you're wearing a HazMat suit. The kaiju of Cygnus X-1 are unusually caustic.

Pollutiorana extraterrestris (Cthulhu, 1928)

• Doubling of power level.
• Deepening of the voice, with slight incidents of cracking.
• Growth of new hair in places where hair was not previously present.
• An increased interest in female kaiju.
• An aversion to health class.

When Keizer Ghidorah learns to embrace these changes instead of shunning them, he too will become a man (er... kaiju).

Astromonstrum cryptotricephalus (Otonashi, 2004)

There are some who claim to have seen a rather well-educated kaiju matching King Ghidorah's description during the Galactic Kaiju War (1976-1983). This was a clever ruse. In order to escape Darth Mechagodzilla's insatiable wrath, Captains Destoroyah and Larva decided to create an elaborate avatar utilizing state of the art special effects to draw the ire of their sithy commander. Voiced by Captain Gigan, the Ghidorah avatar proved to be just the scapegoat that frightened Imperial officers needed. Nevertheless, the design for this unusual kaiju was based on a chaotic creature that had been known throughout various parts of the cosmos. There really was a King Ghidorah, but he was far different...

Awakened by the Nebulans, King Ghidorah was once a dormant organism encased in a rubylike crystal. He proved to be untameable in the beginning, and it was actually the Xiliens who were the first to develop the technology necessary to control the beast. In fact, it was this technological gap that led to the end of the Alien Alliance by the early '60s. The Controller of Planet X unleashed King Ghidorah in what is now known to have been an Xilien sneak attack in 1964, but he was swiftly vanquished by the combined efforts of Godzilla, Rodan, and a Mothra Larva. The following year, the Xiliens revealed themselves to Planet Earth and clumsily attempted a second onslaught, to no avail. With an Xilien change in command, the creature's services were retired for anything but self-defense for the remainder of the decade. However, the Nebulans had finally developed the level of technology required to control the space dragon's mind. While the Xiliens were on holiday during the better part of 1972, the Nebulans attempted to conscript Ghidorah and use him during their own Earth invasion campaign. Godzilla, Anguirus, and a dissenting Gigan repelled King Ghidorah, and the Xiliens recaptured the monster and imposed temporary sanctions against Space Hunter Nebula M. By 1974, battle armor was developed for Ghidorah that essentially made him a Mecha-King Ghidorah, as it were. Repelling the brief Black Hole Alien Invasion of Planet X in 1974, Mecha-King Ghidorah proved to be a valuable example of cyberorganic military technology.

In 1991, the Futurians tricked both the people of Earth and Planet X into allowing them to rent Mecha-King Ghidorah for a short while. When the Futurians showed their true colors, the Xiliens used the Futurians own time travel technology to send Miki Saegusa into the past to convince Godzilla to buy a massive pogo stick. This gave Godzilla enough time to retroactively gain enough skill to use it as a weapon and subdue Mecha-King Ghidorah in the present. With the Futurians defeated, the Xiliens transported Mecha-King Ghidorah back to Planet X. His battle armor was temporarily retired.

In 1999, the Kilaaks rented the golden hydra, claiming he was going to be used during an infrastructure project in the asteroid belt. It turned out that conquest was on the minds of yet another alien race. Planet X managed to warn ten of Earth's monsters ahead of time (in the midst of false reports of their attacking major cities), and King Ghidorah was quickly subdued. Alas, the battle was so savage that the very Earth opened up and swallowed King Ghidorah alive for two full years! Hirotoshi Isayama was hired by Controller Namikawa of Planet X to unearth the hapless hydra, and he was finally able to escape back into space. King Ghidorah returned to Planet X of his own free will, where he has since gone into retirement.

King Ghidorah's diet consists of Three-Layer Lasagna, Three-Layer Cake, and nonalcoholic Three-Layer Beverages. His favorite hobby is knocking stuff over. Some say that Ghidorah's three heads represent the Freudian concepts of the id, the ego, and the superego. The final verdict on this matter is inconclusive, not because we're necessarily editorializing Freud's theories, but instead because the idea of tying King Ghidorah down for a psychological examination would be an overwhelming challenge, to say the least.

King Ghidorah can currently be found living near the equator of Planet X. If you'd like to visit him, be sure to wear a Faraday suit.

Tricephalohydra aureolus rex (Murai, 1964)

He's sporting a bucket cap!

... and complimentary-colored suspenders...

The peak of 20th century technology, Kiryu really only wants a few things out of life: a nice place to sit when he's in the park, a newspaper consisting solely of the "funny pages", and a metal detector for beachgoing entertainment.

In 1946, Little Gojira was transformed by the atomic bomb into Big Gojira! He soon became enamored of a lovely Cthulhu, and they had a child named Minilla. After an accident during Minilla's kaiju training, a heavily-scarred Gojira journeyed to Tokyo in 1954 to research his options for reconstructive surgery. Humans, incapable of learning to live alongside 50-meter products of scientific folly (typical...), contracted the services of a man by the name of Dr. Serizawa. "One-Eyed Johnny", as Serizawa was known among the scientific community, came up with a splendid idea: "destroy all the oxygen atoms without prejudice, and liquefy anything organic". Dr. Serizawa decided to use this weapon against the nuclear nuisance. After a split second, all that remained were bones. Gojira's son, Minilla, continued the legacy. Minilla eventually became Godzilla, married a different Cthulhu, had a son of his own, Little Godzilla.

Between 1955 and 1974, the Japanese government discovered a way to turn Gojira's bones into a cyborg, and guess what. He came back to life!

Kiryu (or "Grandpa Gojira" as he prefers) acts very much like a kaiju who's been through a lot, and he has a lot to share! His diet consists mostly of bran and prune-based beverages. His hobbies include yelling at televisions, talking to cashiers (for three to four hours at a shot), fishing in the Dead Sea (it's the exhilaration of a day on the sea, don't ask him to show you any of his trophies), returning cans he's found on the side of the road for nickels, complaining about the high price of WD-40, going berserk, and other related pastimes. Some say his eyes glow red just before he has a flashback. This is actually correct, and one would highly recommend giving Grandpa Gojira some space during these and similar episodes.

Kiryu could be found residing in the luxurious Daikaiju Springs Nursing Home with his wife until very recently, when they both suddenly remembered where they hid their nest egg! They decided to purchase their own cottage on the north end of Monster Island. Visit Grandpa Gojira if you like, but let us warn you of one thing. If he asks you to pull his finger, don't... for the love of all that is decent, don't pull his finger!

Godzillasaurus yamanei odoensis (Tabata, 1954)

Above is the only available photo of Little Godzilla. The chief reason photos of Little G are so elusive is due to his protective dad, Godzilla, who has been long opposed to the relentless and infamous Ashinoko Paparazzi (which consists mainly of Deutalios armed with a Sassio S880 digital camera).

Born on Adona Island to Ms. Cthulhu and her husband Mr. Godzilla, Little Godzilla quickly grew in body and spirit. From an early age, he was an impressionable child. Luckily, his straight shooting friend Varan kept him clear of mischief (e.g. the whole "prodigious potion" fiasco). Little Godzilla soon discovered the internet and decided it was about time to allow his career as a rocker to finally take off! Donning a purple wig and a grating Sharon Osbourne-esque accent... he became a hit sensation in mid-2007 with his YouTube exclusive series: Little Godzilla's Thrash Session. Despite winning the Cutest Toho Monster Ever award (which was issued to him solely by his ever-supporting mother), Little Godzilla decided to abandon his YouTube channel and focus on "just being a kid".

Little Godzilla's diet consists mainly of home-cooked meals (like a big lump of mashed potatoes with a smiley face made of gravy and a whipped butter nose). Many people think that one of his main hobbies is basketball. This is completely, categorically, and undeniably false. He likes to play Gojiball... which is a basketball variant somewhat like "Horse"... but with the word "Goji" instead...

Little Godzilla has been known to occasionally visit Birth Island. If you'd like to reach him, please go through our mutual friend Ms. Miki Saegusa.

Godzillasaurus yamanei cthulhu (Saegusa, 1994)

Maguma epitomizes almost everything you could hope to be.

Born to King and Queen Waldorf of Marineland, young Maguma was once known as Tusky Waldorf. As time passed, Tusky realized he was no ordinary walrus. The glowing green eyes were the first indication, and then his eventual growth to 50 meters proved to be a further curiosity. Eventually, Marineland in Niagara Falls was no longer able to house him (and Marineland in St. Augustine wasn't even about to try), so he was released into the sea in 1981. Immediately, he swam for the Antarctic, where he slept for the better part of a year. When humanity decided to alter the orbit of Planet Earth in 1982 (just to see if it could be done), Maguma awoke from his slumber and asked: "Hey, what's the big deal?" Because humans are prone to be unfriendly toward giant walruses (macroödobeniphobia), Maguma was fired upon, so he said: "You guys are mean; I'm going to the Arctic!"...

... which is where he resides to this day.

Maguma is a lacto-ovo vegetarian, which means he can eat almost anything, except meat. He does make an exception for tube worm sandwiches. His main hobbies consist of singing the Marineland theme, narrating anything upon which he can get his hands, and watching movies alongside the Kaiju Kritics (as an interesting side note, he tried out a German accent in his first Kaiju Kritics appearance so as to confound and confuse the audience... but he became weary of the deception and now you hear his true voice). One misconception about Maguma is that his self-imagined nickname derives from the term for subterranean, molten rock. This is not true; it actually derives from his love of magazines that feature Uma Thurman.

Magazines + Uma Thurman = Maguma

The Arctic Circle is Maguma's current home, although he is considering remodeling it into a triangle... like what they did down in Bermuda.

Macroödobenus antarcticus (Tazawa, 1982)

A scientific expedition to Guyana was launched in July of 1994 to investigate rumors of a new species. The creature had long been reported, but was often dismissed as a mirage. Unfortunately, the pocket-sized monster was captured on July 5th and transported back to Kanto for further study.

Prior to a series of incidents that rendered the island uninhabitable in the late '90s, Mew was secretly held captive in a mansion on Cinnabar Island. Fortunately, the creature found a means to escape prior to the disastrous incident that resulted in the mansion's destruction on September 1st, 1995. Though it disappeared for several years, Professor Oak came into possession of photographic proof and DNA evidence from the expedition and officially described Embryofelis guyanensis, or Mew as it was nicknamed shortly after its capture.

Scattered reports trickled in for a few years, but without any solid leads, interest in the case ran cold. Eventually, the fetus-like feline made itself again known to the world in 2003. Little did anyone realize that it had been gathering an immense amount of power, enough to match even the likes of a daikaiju. To prevent trophy seekers from risking life and limb to pursue this enigmatic rarity, Mew was declared a protected species by the end of 2003.

Living a mostly solitary lifestyle, Mew was rarely sighted until 2011, when it finally met a kindred spirit in Celebi and became her ally during the Dimension Tide Wars (2011-2012). Even after the conflict's resolution, Mew continued to stand by Celebi as her greatest friend and ally.

Mew's diet consists of such culinary delights as Rare Candy Calzones and beverages from the Rooftop Square vending machines in the Celadon Department Store. Its favorite hobbies include reading, writing, and being super adorable. Some say that Mew can learn just about anything. This is only mostly true, as it fully admitted to having just as much trouble as the rest of us programming VCR displays during the '90s.

Mew can be found living in and around Cerulean City, sometimes appearing to people who experience minor teleportation glitches. Contrary to an old legend, it never hangs out on, in, or under that abandoned truck parked near Vermillion Harbor.

Embryofelis guyanensis (Oak, 1996)

A sentient, suspicious star named Gorath hurdled through the vast reaches of space for eons until it came within dangerous proximity of the planet Earth. When it encountered Godzilla's thermonuclear heat ray, Gorath exploded and changed into Monster X. Timing couldn't be worse, for the Faux Xilien invasion was well underway. Halfheartedly, Monster X joined the invading aliens, but quickly accepted Godzilla's peace terms.

Monster X and Gorosaurus became roommates for a while, and the former tried his hand making videos where he held the world for ransom. When that failed, he decided to attend a taping of Obscure Monster Chat, where he began to collaborate on a project with Gabara that would ultimately become Kaiju Kritics! In a few short years, he not only found himself married to Biollante, but was also taking care of their daughter from an alternate future (Celebi) and her counterpart from our timeline (Serebii).

Monster X's hobbies include amateur filmmaking, square-dancing, movie reviewing, and various other wholesome activities. His all-time favorite food is the humble turkey leg, and his all-time favorite dessert is the not-so-humble banana split.

Monster X lives in a villa with Biollante, Celebi, and Serebii on Monster Island. He can be contacted via email at monster_x04@yahoo.com. Feel free to email him! Go on! Go ahead!

Astromonstrum cryptotricephalus (Otonashi, 2004)

Adorning postcards and stock photographs around the world, Mount Fuji is the ubiquitous mascot for the Land of the Rising Sun. It wasn't until 1974 when a certain man by the name of Masahiko Shimizu was instructed by a frustrated Professor Hideto Miyajima to "look out the window and stare at Mt. Fuji for a while" that the mountain finally revealed its anthropomorphic visage and extended a humble request for friendship. For you see, Mount Fuji, like other volcanoes of the world (e.g. Mount Kilimanjaro, Mount Vesuvius, and the Yellowstone Caldera), had become very lonely after years of inactivity. And Masahiko, like other supporting characters in Godzilla movies (e.g. Hiroshi Jinkawa, Takashi Shima, and the Yellowstone Caldera) also became very lonely after a time of inactivity. As such, the two joined forces and fought crime in the Shizuoka and Yamanashi Prefectures (exclusively). It was a buddy movie that practically wrote itself, and it did. The script also submitted itself to several prominent directors.

Mount Fuji's diet consists mainly of the asthenosphere. Its favorite hobby was once the act of volcanic eruption, but it tired of that in the early 18th century (1707-1708 AD to be precise). Some say that Mount Fuji's decisions can best be described as ingenious! This is a common error, as its decisions can actually best be described as igneous!

Mount Fuji lives in the Chuubu region, just west of Tokyo. You can visit if you'd like, but Mount Fuji will be far less likely to visit you. You know... because it's a mountain.

Archaeomontanus sapiens (Shimizu, 1974)

Responsible for Kenneth A. Arnold's famous UFO sighting in 1947, Mr. Poupon is a high-profile Grey with a delightfully friendly disposition (although his preference for intense telepathic communication can be a bit unnerving at times).

Born in the Zeta 2 Reticuli system, Mr. Poupon was always a bit of a rebel. At an early age, he realized that he wanted to move to Earth, specifically the Great Basin Desert. So, he simply packed up his things and left in his Class 7 Saucer, which he dubbed Charlene. Retrofitted with the best gravity amplifiers that he could buy from the Hopkinsville Goblins, it has proven to be a remarkable vessel that has consistently avoided capture by Earth's militaries. He does have to return home to Zeta Reticuli for the occasional refueling, but this has given him an excellent opportunity to conduct trade with high-demand Sol commodities that he has collected from Earth (e.g. grape soda). This has proven to be quite lucrative, which allows him to pursue his expensive hobby of collecting various types of interstellar spacecraft.

The NavCom aboard Charlene has been programmed with cutting edge spatiotemporal manipulation algorithms, allowing Mr. Poupon to travel through space, time, and dimension. He has often visited Earth's past, where he even met a young Gabara (when he was still a Tanystropheus during the Triassic Period, that is). One of Mr. Poupon's favorite interdimensional destinations is an alternate universe where the Earth's Mesozoic and Cenozoic Eras are flipped. Despite all of his seemingly constant traveling, he really does prefer our here and now. A sociopolitical activist, he has made several appearances on Coast to Coast AM to discuss personal causes, such as his support for anti-smoking legislation. Due to his preference for telepathy, he speaks almost exclusively through an interpreter during such appearances.

Mr. Poupon's diet consists mostly of fruit-on-the-bottom yogurt; he just can't get enough of the stuff! His hobbies include telepathic Sprechgesang set to the melodious Scruggs style tunes he tickles out of his Deering banjo. He also likes older AM radio that has traveled through space for a few light years, and his ships are equipped with very powerful receivers that practically render inverse-square law a nonissue. A strong adherent of Christianity (as evidenced by the Ichthys on his favorite flying saucer), he has spread the Word throughout space and time.

Mr. Poupon can be found living in the Great Basin Desert. If you'd like to reach him, just flag him down when he flies overhead. He's an upbeat kind of alien; you'd like him!

Ravus extraterrestris (Friedman, 1978)

One of the most cryptic denizens of Monster Island is an entity known simply as Radian X-7. Here's what we know: it's a sphere of some sort, and it's sentient. Everything else is pretty much up in the air. Several complicated theories have been proposed to explain its origin, but none of the answers satisfy all of the questions. M-theory may hold the key to its existence, but we must stress that it is still far too early to tell for certain.

Radian X-7's diet consists of some unknown form of nourishment. Its favorite hobby also remains yet to be identified, if such a being even possesses a hobby as we understand it. Some have argued that Radian X-7 is a 7-dimensional hypersphere; however, this may be completely inaccurate as we are only capable of comprehending a minute fraction of its true form.

Radian X-7 can be found floating around Monster Island, but it is only witnessed on exceedingly rare occasions. Although it is said to communicate with the monsters, even they're baffled about specifics.

Sphera caerulea (Konigsberg, 2011)

Fear can be struck into the hearts of men in many ways. Some fear guns, others fear pointy things, and still others fear Carrot Top... but only one creature can strike such a chord, that all who hear the plural proper noun to follow this increasingly suspenseful sentence (and the accompanying colon) will undoubtedly wet their rubber pants: fairies! Fairies are scary, dude... and none are quite so scary as the Shobijin.

Long ago, like, almost a thousand years ago... the Shobijin were the dominant race on the planet. However, due to their diminutive height, many were unable to adjust to the expansion of the much taller, heavier-footed humans. So, they fled to Infant Island. There, they were forced to confront a tribe of enormous Infant Alligators, the reptilian race for whom the island was so named. It was a bloodless coup, and the gators were forced to journey to a more peaceful and inviting land known as Florida. Meanwhile, the vampire plants and near-skeletal turtles of Infant Island were still a major problem. Therefore, the Shobijin gathered a following of yuppie refugees from Tokyo who gladly donned red makeup (for effect). They helped the fairies build a 3-megaton proton bomb. The immensely powerful explosive device was designed to rid the island of the vampire plants, but sadly the explosion was too great, and it awoke a denizen of the subterranean deep... Mothra.

Mothra was, at that time, a single caterpillar, but her power was unsurpassed. She surveyed the now half-damaged isle, filled with sadness. Meanwhile, another monster by the name of Butterflyra appeared on the other side of Infant Island for no apparent reason. The thinly-thoraxed, featherless antennaed abomination angered the Shobijin, and the thicker-thoraxed Mothra forced Butterflyra to flee the island. The true masterminds behind this act of war were the Shobijin fairies, for they convinced Mothra that Butterflyra was to blame for the dreadful state of Infant Island... and Mothra believed them, because they had notarized documents to prove it. They were forged.

Eventually, Mothra unraveled the web of lies and confronted the Shobijin. Mothra apologized to Butterflyra and now keeps a more careful eye on her fairy friends...

... and that brings us to today! The diet of the Shobijin consists hugely of decaying carcasses, rotting tomatoes, and smashing pumpkins. Their main hobby is kicking butt and taking names. It was once believed that the Shobjin enjoyed toying with their victims before they made their finishing move... this has since been proven false, as they never tend to quite make that finishing move.

The Shobijin currently reside on Infant Island (aka Mothra's Island), which they have rented out to numerous yay-for-profit organizations... such as Gerber and Pampers. If you'd like to visit the Shobjin fairies, be sure to write your will in advance.

Homo minimus (Chujo, 1961)

To what extent do the words: "Welcome boys... to your doom!" make you want to cry for your Mommy? Kame no Gaikotsu, or as his friends call him, the "Skeleturtle", is all kinds of creepy wrapped in one pale, sunlight-deprived package. Originally a traveler of the South Pacific currents, Skeleturtle stopped off at Infant Island to rest his bones decades ago. Then, the Shobijjin detonated their 3-megaton proton bomb.

Afterwards, he became pale and dubiously proclaimed himself to be a walking skeleton. The radiation from the blast led to him developing an unusual power: instant guitar playing skills. Eventually forced off the island by the Shobijin, he plays at a number of seedy and not-so-seedy establishments, and can be seen on those annoying video display screens at the Hard Rock Cafe. When his hit solo Dude, Seriously, Don't Make Me Come Over There and his follow-up Come On, Seriously, I'm Not Joking won him a total of 10 Grammies (don't ask us how), he decided to retire. He frequently makes up stories in order to gain some semblance of pity, which he immediately destroys with his manic mood swings. It might be hormonal, or it might be just for show. At any rate, this dude is weird.

The Skeleturtle's diet consists mainly of mineral water, honey, and white diamond truffles wrapped in edible gold leaf. His main hobby is coming up with lists of potential hobbies. It is sometimes believed that the Skeleturtle is now completely skeletal. This is actually very far from the truth; have you ever seen a turtle skeleton? And have you ever seen one blink? Watch the Infant Island arrival scene in Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964) and zoom in; you'll see! You'll all see!

Skeleturtle can be found living in Southern California. Stop by to hear some sweet licks, and perhaps he'll even let you leave!

Caretta skeletos (Chujo, 1961)

Your local used car salesman... is there anyone in the entire world in whom you can place more trust? Titanosaurus was once the amazing discovery of the brilliant Dr. Mafune about 15 years prior to 1975. Unfortunately, Dr. Mafune's fellow scientists regarded his claims of discovering an extinct archosaur as lunacy, despite the glaring fact that Godzilla, Anguirus, and Rodan were already confirmed by 1960.

Failing to win over Grandpa Gojira, Titanosaurus went into hiding in 1975. He took on several odd jobs in the coming years. Some sighted a rather tall and scaly lounge singer in Reno. Still others claimed to have witnessed a red, reptilian door-to-door salesman in Albuquerque. There were still other sightings of a semi-aquatic dinosaur running a convenient mart in New Brunswick. The total sum of these short-lived jobs is ultimately irrelevant; he has indeed found his true calling: selling used cars. Carrying the latest assortment of Ford Pintos, he has carved himself a niche that cannot be undermined (even by the most boisterous of Hyundai dealers).

Titanosaurus' diet consists primarily of steaks. His personal favorite is a medium-rare 12-ouncer with all the fixings. His main hobby is haggling prices that he has purposely set far higher than the accepted market value. It was once believed that Titanosaurus had the most annoying roar of all kaiju. This has since been challenged by another contender, Gabara.

Titanosaurus resides off the shore of Japan. If you'd like to reach him, make him an offer!

Haliotitanosaurus mafunei (Ichinose, 1975)

A pair of red-trimmed off-white butterflies were found living in Siberia, despite the fact that their native habitat is Japan...

This led scientists to wonder: "Who cares?"

Varan was born near Kitami in Hokkaido. When he became too large and too heavy for the local schools to accommodate, he and his family moved to Monster Island. A posh school in Connecticut did have enough acreage to accommodate the boy, but due to the fact that his maximum airspeed is Mach 1.5, it would have taken a while to make the entire trip. Fortunately, Montgomery Scott's transporter solved this minor issue.

When he is at home on Monster Island, he tends to hang out with his buddy Little Godzilla at the playground. A straight shooting kind of a guy, Varan tends to get his friend out of numerous pickles (for example, the "prodigious potion" incident and that one time that Little Godzilla clicked on one of those "You're a Winner!" banner advertisements). While Little Godzilla brushed with fame on YouTube back in '07, Varan broke into the amateur political punditry game on the 24-hour T.K.-MBC News Channel. To make some extra spending capital, Varan holds down a management position at Beast Buy. There's not much to say here except that his video game records are posted in the break room.

Varan's diet consists of cheeses... often the ones that reek the worst. His hobbies include Gojiball, NPR, video games, chess, and oggling older ladies (due to his raging hormones). Some people claim that Varan dislikes being called a "triphibian"; however, he has been quoted as saying: "I don't know how it can be an insult if it's neither offensive nor misleading... "

Varan can be found at 958 Itami Avenue on Monster Island, and sometimes in Wisconsin (that cheese obsession again).

Dracovaranus patagium (Sugimoto, 1958)

The one hundred and forty-first child of two hundred, Zilla was always considered unique. From an early age, he often perplexed others due to his heavy accent. It wouldn't be so out-of-the-ordinary, but it doesn't even sound like he's from New York City.

Around the time of the Faux Xilien Invasion of 2004 (codenamed: Operation Cattle Driver), Zilla was drafted into intergalactic service to wreak havoc on Sydney, Australia. His primary objective: steal the didgeridoos and challenge random strangers to knife-sizing competitions. Ironically, those very actions made him a national hero, and every May 19th in Sydney is now considered Zilla Day. After the Faux Xiliens inevitably failed (they're not quite as awesome as the real Xiliens), Zilla bid a fond farewell to Sydney and made his way to Hudson Bay, where he developed a gripping fish addiction within the first week. By the second week, he was in Fish-Eaters Anonymous. Since week three, he has been completely fish free!

Zilla's main diet consists of TV dinners and the trays they're packaged in. There is the occasional fish stick, but we suspect that those are actually made of processed algae. The turf to his now occasional surf, the gyro is also one of his favorite foods. Zilla's main hobbies consist of track-and-field and hide-and-seek. Some people say that Zilla keeps an iguana as a pet, to which he has been known to respond: "Yer seriours? Do you peorple keep orther peorple as perts?!?" A translation is on its way...

Zilla currently resides in Toronto, where he has been known to climb the CN Tower... just for the fun of it.

Leptogigas tatopoulosi (Chapman, 1998)