K.W.C.E. #19-8-18-5-11 - Thy Lord Shrek vs. Agent Kamagidon: Dawn of Shrekness

[KaijuX]

VS.


Arena:


Authors: (GodzillavsJason) and [GodzillavsZilla]
Word Count: 23,355 words
Posted: December 31st, 2017
Continued from: KWCE Match #069
Editor's Notes: {KaijuX}
---

Prime Minister Shin's Office

"Is it the right thing to do though?" A cabinet member asked sounding completely emotionless, but should be full of concern. Unfortunately, no one in the room could show any emotion due to what the Prime Minister ordered and failure to comply could mean being removed.

"It is. We'll secure plenty of funds by making this deal with the Garogas. It will make further advancements to the nation of Toho," Another cabinet pointed out, sounding even more emotionless than the one who spoke before him.

"Once we announce what we have done, if we do it will be rather catastrophic. It could even be the beginning of a revolution," (Even though building a wall didn't piss enough people off to do so! Hooray for political commentary!) Yet another cabinet member pointed out, who should be terrified by this thought, but looked over at a group of eyes staring at him, thinking he was about to show emotion.

"Even if we make this deal, can we trust the Garogas to do the right thing? I mean, they're foreign to Toho and most of all: Earth," A cabinet member pointed.

An ugly, emotionless, and overall boring version of Godzilla (Why are you all booing me?! You know I'm right!) known as Shin Godzilla leaned forward in his seat out of the shadows (Wow! Much shadow! How intense and mysterious!) to directly face his cabinet.

"Trust me. The Garogas are terrific aliens. They know what they're doing and they'll make everyone happy. Believe me, it's a deal we'll all benefit from, we'll be swimming in dough," Prime Minister Shin Godzilla answered causing the majority of the cabinet to be shaking their heads in agreement, all except for one, that is.

The woman know as Lady who wants to be President kept repeating, "I want to be president" suddenly stopped. As if a new directive or meaning kicked into her robotic like daily attitude. She looked at Prime Minister Shin and the rest of the cabinet with an expression that was foreign to them.

Sadness.

Right away a few tears came down her face as she then said out loud with emotion in her voice. "You can't do this! This isn't ethical! Why are we even considering doing this?!" (Shows emotion.... but is still a one dimensional character. That's what the movie does, kids.)

Prime Minister Shin's (fake) yellow toupee nearly fell over in shock at what the cabinet member said as an assistant had to fix his (fake) hair. After that, the Prime Minister responded "Lady who wants to be President, I like you, I really do, but if you're going act like this and disagree with me, even on one thing, then I'm going to have to remove you from my cabinet. And possibly declare you an enemy of this proud nation."

"Prime Minister, please, please reconsider doing this. We can not do this! Look into your heart and tell me that you still think this is the right thing to do," Lady who wants to be President cried out causing Shin to look down at his torso for a moment before looking back up.

"Like my personality and attitude, there's nothing in my heart," Prime Minister Shin replied as he then pressed the intercom with his tiny hands and said "Guards, I want you to escort this lady out of my house I built and no one in the past ever did. Her services are no longer required."

Secret service agents entered the door and walked over to the now crying Lady who wants to be President. She reluctantly got up from her chair as the secret service agents escorted her out of the building as her cries could still be heard from the room. (I only gave her emotion because I watched Shin Godzilla a while back with the dub on and she somehow had emotion. I know, it's a miracle, that's why I added that in here.)

"Wow! I thought she would have a future in politics, but I guess since she's a woman she has no place in office. It's no wonder why I won against my opponent during the running.... and of course the supposed emails of leaked scripts she had from Toho and other studios." (His behavior alone somehow got him elected.)

"So...... I guess the deal with them will go through, then?" A cabinet member asked, wanting to know the status of the possible deal with the Garogas.

"Oh that! Almost forgot about that!" Prime Minister Shin remembered what they were talking about, sidetracked with stroking his own ego, as he then droned on. "Yes, we will make the deal with the Gaorgas as it will not only benefit the nation and its citizens, but fund the construction of the wall, which I totally didn't stop. It's getting built, I promise you that. It's just Daiei kept making excuses how they didn't have any money, so if you want to do things, you have to do them yourself. That's why Toho is the superior nation compared to everyone else.... and why certain kaiju are superior. Not racist or anything, but that's just how it is. And finally, money. I love money. It's so great. I love it even more than my own children."

"I'll give the order then. It's time to let the past die. Kill it if we have to," A cabinet member said as everyone stood up and concluded their business with each other. They then walked off to put their deal in motion.


Shrek's Swamp

“Alright everyone, back to work!” A familiar, loud Scottish voice announced to everyone in the swamp.

As soon as they heard their friend, three blind mice, three pigs, a very ugly woman, and a gingerbread man hopped off of a bench from their break and walked back to where they were supposed to be.

“Alrighty Shrek, we’ll get this all fixed today, I know it!” Gingy the gingerbread man happily called out before climbing on a ladder and getting on top of the ogre's house, grabbing a nearby hammer and nail.

“You said that yesterday…” Shrek sarcastically grumbled.

Oblivious to his friend’s remark, Gingy took his nail and aligned it with the piece of wood he was working on. The gingerbread man then took his hammer and raised it up before slamming it down on the head, humming to himself as some of the nail went through the wood.

It had been three days since Shrek and Donkey’s fight with those monsters who invaded the ogre’s home. [Or nine months and a week long delay, thanks for the wait you hack frauds!] Now, Shrek and his friends were fixing the swamp.

The water was starting to come back to the swamp and was now turning murky, just as Shrek liked it. The big, green ogre smiled as he saw his swamp turning back to the way he liked it. The others were fixing everything that needed fixed. The Big Bad Wolf set up a bucket of mud for Shrek’s shower, smiling and taking a step back while standing on top of a rock so he wouldn’t get wet as he finished it before slipping on his rock and falling into the swamp with a splash, the wolf floated on the surface, silent as he drifted.

The three little pigs planted a white sign that said “STAY OUT” into the ground in front of Shrek’s house, the three blind mice attempted to do the same with a sign with a drawing of the ogre’s face on it, but it ended up falling on top of them.

Shrek walked passed his hardworking friends and opened the door to his lovely house, walking in to see his best friend Donkey inside.

“Oh hey Shrek. Guess what I made!” Donkey eagerly said to his friend as the ogre closed the door.

“If you said you made waffles, I’m gonna kick your arse,” Shrek angrily replied, the ogre hated waffles after the day when he met the talking animal.

“Uh… Noooo…” Donkey answered, using his back hoof to move a plate of waffles under the couch.

“I’m gonna make somethin’ myself,” Shrek told his friend as he walked into the kitchen.

“You do that Shrek,” The donkey said before climbing onto the couch and pulling a laptop towards him, opening the top.

Shrek walked over to his fridge and opened the door, looking at what was inside. Eggs, milk, a slug, leftover grilled Kaishin Muba. The green ogre smiled as he reached to grab the slug when suddenly he heard Donkey yell.

“SHREEEEEEEEK!” Donkey called out, causing Shrek to hit his head on the fridge in surprise before running into the living room.

“What is it Donkey?” The ogre asked, concerned for his friend.

“The video I searched is bein' slow!” Donkey answered, sounding scared as the YouTube video he was watching continued to buffer and the comments wouldn’t show, just having the same spinning orb as the video. [Not that anyone wants to read YouTube comments anyway.]

“That’s all?” Shrek asked, annoyed as he rubbed his hurting head and looked at the laptop. “Maybe YouTube’s just down. That place sucks anyway, look somethin’ up on Google.”

Donkey clicked off of YouTube and got on Google, typing something in [don’t ask how he can type with hooves] and clicking on a link. The donkey gave a concerned look as he saw that the webpage he was looking at wasn’t working. Shrek raised an eyebrow as he saw the page very slowly load in, going down enough to see “Match 201” before, to their surprise, the screen turned white. A message popped up and said “Sorry, something is wrong with your internet or something. I don’t know, maybe it’s some guy wanting to control everything. Look at this T-Rex and a cactus instead.”

“What’s wrong with the internet? Is the Wi-Fi down?” Donkey worriedly asked as he turned to his friend.

“No, it’s workin’,” Shrek replied as he looked at the modem and saw that it was working just fine. “And I paid the bill yesterday. Hmm…” The ogre placed his finger and thumb on his chin as he thought of what was going on.

“Let’s just watch some TV,” Donkey said before turning the television on with the remote. As Shrek looked at the TV, his face turned from curiosity to anger at who he saw on the screen.


The Podium

"Yes, everyone. It is I, the kaiju who helped saved you all from the evil Net Neutrality," Prime Minister Shin announced to the audience while he stood behind a podium, his face next to the microphone.

The crowd went silent for a moment, the air heating up with the anger and frustration of the people. "Fuck you!" someone angrily blurted out.

The Prime Minister looked at his audience as he then saw them yelling at him. The kaiju leader was confused on how people could be angry with his new announcement, but he thought to himself and knew people would just hate everything he would do. They were just jealous of his plans for the great nation of Toho and being haters of his announcements on his Tweeter. Prime Minister Shin gave himself a very small smile on his face, which no could see, as an idea brewed in his head. One that would not only appropriately give credit to who came up with getting rid of Net Neutrality, but to throw someone under the bus in case it didn't work.

"As genius as this idea is," Prime Minister started, getting everyone's attention; albeit with very angry looks, "I can't say I took credit for it. That honor goes to the leader of the very terrific, beautiful, tremendous aliens known as the Garogas. Give a big round of applause for Garoga Leader, Ajit Pai.... Who sadly couldn't be here, because he's doing, and let me tell you, tremendous work on creating the perfect data for all of you internet junkies, while being on his home world."

The heat from the silent crowd swelled at this prospect. More people spoke out, shouting "Not my Godzilla! Not my Godzilla!"

The rest of the audience joined their fellow citizens in the chant as multiple news media representatives ran up in front of the crowd, with microphones held towards Shin.

"Mister Shin, Frank news here. We're here wondering how Toho would benefit from removing Net Neutrality."

"I'm gonna give you the short and simple answer. Daiei was too lazy to pay for the wall, so by removing everyone's internet rights..." Prime Minister Shin answered, but shortly after realized that it would only make him look bad. He backtracked, "What I mean is we'll now be charging all citizens, regardless of what color, or what era a kaiju is from, as it won't discriminate since I've been told that some people think I'm racist, which I'm not. We'll be charging them a little bit for certain goodies in order to help secure a yuge future for the great nation of Toho. Next question please."

"News news here. Since you mention your dealings with the Garogas before and announcing Zone Fighter as a fugitive for no real reason, have there been any updates on his status?"

"Zone Fighter the terrorist has not been found yet. I checked with the peaceful Garogas and they told me they haven't found him yet, even though I heard screams down in their dungeon..... I mean Chuck E. Cheese, but they reassured me it was just a person having fun down there, believe me."

"Sapperstein news outlet. There have been recent reports of the Garogas dealing a drug known as Garogailizer to kids. And the results of the drug are incredibly shocking to not only the news outlet, but to a good portion of the nation. They're turning our children into Garoga soldiers. How do you justify them in being allies when they could be plotting to take over our country?"

"It was back in the 70's when they did that, they changed, believe me," Shin answered, hoping that would satisfy the news representative.

"But they're still doing it. I mean, they're trying to lure a couple kids right now in that white van," The news representative pointed out to a couple of Garogas in the white van, holding out the Garogailizer to a couple of kids.

"That's just a rogue faction of the peaceful Garogas. They don't represent the whole Garoga nation. Next question," Prime Minister Shin answered.

"Emissaries daily. You mentioned a few days ago that the Garogas were chased from their home world and that only a select few are left. How is the nation of the Garogas still standing strong?"

"I.... well...." Prime Minister Shin stammered out.

"We have also received reports that Zone Fighter is an alien himself and not a member of the fictional country known as Saradia. He is the last member of an alien race, one where the Garogas committed genocide."

Prime Minister Shin's eyes started to boil with anger, an emotion that was rare to him, or any for that matter. He opened his mouth wide and out came a very loud stock roar. "You're fake news! Fake! None of that happened. This conference is over!"

The horrifying looking Godzilla stormed off, very slowly towards the inside of the capital.


Shrek’s House

The ogre, donkey, and their friends (Who decided to take another break not even an hour after the last. What hard working friends you have there Shrek.) all stood their with their mouths wide open in shock.

"Donkey, we have t-" As Shrek turned to Donkey, he saw his friends in his house taking another break. He gave them the look, one of either annoyance or anger, none of them could really tell, but it made all the freeloaders rush outside and get back to work.

Just as Shrek opened his mouth, he heard a high pitched scream from his rooftop; the ogre shrugged and looked at his best friend again.

"We're going to need to stop this. I'm not paying money for internet. I already have to fork out cash to feed all of yah," Shrek protested with annoyance.

"What are we going to do about it then?" Donkey questioned with worry on his face. He didn't want to lose the internet that had not only provided him and his friends, but so many others joy.

"Yah up for another fight?" Shrek suggested with a cocky smirk.

Donkey grew a big, dumb, beaming look on his face. "You know me so well! I'm always up for another fight!" Donkey's grin faded, replaced with confusion. "How are we going to get there anyway? Unless you want to activate your Super Saiyan powers again.... Assuming you even can."

"I.... I don't know if I can. I can't even feel that power inside of me at the moment. We're going to have to think of an alternate method of getting to the Garoga homeworld," Shrek answered, looking confused at how his awesome powers couldn't activate. (His powers are probably not activating, because the authors didn't want to explain any of it and do something..... almost as they thought a trilogy wouldn't happen.)

"This just in," A feminine voice from the reporter on the TV caught their attention, noticing that she was standing in front of a G-Force facility. "A cargo shuttle is being prepped to launch, to deliver all the supplies needed for the Garogas to activate their internet plan." (How convenient!)

Shrek looked at Donkey with a smile on his face. "You think of what I'm thinking of?"

"Ah yeah!" Donkey joyously cried out as the two raced out side only to find a screaming Gingy.

"What the hell?" Shrek and Donkey asked simultaneously, confused at what they were seeing.

Gingy whimpered as he struggled to break free from the roof after he accidentally nailed is hand to it. The Big Bad Wolf walked up to the house and saw the gingerbread man trying to get loose.

“No no, you’re still holding on! Let go!” The very ugly woman called out to the sentient cookie.

“I can’t let go! My hand is nailed onto the roof!” Gingy yelled back.

“Oh well… Shrek’s gonna go save the internet, want a sandwich?” The Big Bad Wolf replied, not caring about his friend’s situation.

“Heeeeelp!” Gingy desperately cried out.

“More for me.” The wolf shrugged and walked away, leaving the gingerbread man hanging.

Both Shrek and Donkey shrugged their shoulders as they began walking off to their destination, but not before Shrek turned around to his friends. "You know the usual. Just hold down the fort and we'll be back before you know it."


Monster Island

Loud footsteps were heard heading towards the remaining monsters on the isle. Gorosaurus, who somehow survived from all of the abuse in the fight against Shrek, came to a halt as soon as he got close to the rest of the monsters.

“You guys! You guys!” He yelled before looking at them all. “This… is all that’s left?”

Manda nodded as Kumonga looked down, wishing he had been in the battle with his friends. (Because some jackass forgot about those two. Again, don't do fights with a huge roster.) Some blue dragon named Drake kicked a boulder around in the background, nobody knew or cared where he came from, but he was as sad as everyone else.

“We also have Junior, Minilla the Mothra Larva, and Daigoro, but they’re somewhere on the island playing,” Manda explained.

“How did you even get here Gorosaurus? We thought you were dead.” Kumonga inquired as he crawled towards the dinosaur, spitting out web to patch up one of his wounds.

“I realized that I didn’t die so I burrowed over here. I knew everyone was dead. Even Godzilla, King Kong, and Ultraman. They’re all dead,” Gorosaurus said with sorrow in his voice, a small tear started forming in his eye.

“You burrowed?” Manda questioned, completely ruining the moment. “How do you even burrow? You’re like a Tyrannosaurus or something. They don’t burrow. There’s no way that you could be able to dig with your little arms. It’s almost as if someone else was supposed to be the one burrowing but you took their place because of lazy writing.”

Gorosaurus just stared at the serpent, not knowing what to say or do.

“… All my friends are dead!” Gorosaurus cried out before falling forward and sobbing on the ground.

“There there,” Kumonga chittered as he rubbed the dinosaur’s back, comforting him while patching up more of his wounds. “We’re just glad you’re alive.”

Then, as angels sang out in a chorus, a scream was heard coming down towards them. When the four kaiju saw a figure crash in front of them, the dust cleared within a few seconds as the group of kaiju saw an old face standing in front of them. To their shock and Gorosaurus' joy, it was none other than Anguirus, with a smile on his face.

"How are you even alive!" Gorosaurus yelled out in shock. "I saw you get punched into space!"

"Spent a few days with some friends in the clouds and decided to use some of my good-guy points to come back," Angurius answered earnestly.

"It's good to have you back, Anguirus! But is it possible for the rest of our friends to do that?" Manda asked, with hope in his voice that none of his friends died from the Prime Minister's idiotic commands.

"The whole being able to come back to life? Unfortunately, not. Why do you think I said spent a few days with some friends in the clouds?" Angurius stated, his friends frowning with their heads down at the prospect.

"I hope they're at peace," Kumonga mused.

Anguirus turned to his spider friend. "Yeah.... not all of them are at peace."

"How so?" Gorosaurus asked, with concern and curiosity in his voice.

"Well, let's just say we didn't know everything about our friend, Baragon. He's done some really bad stuff that warranted him an eternal stay downstairs," Angurius pointed down to the ground; nervous at the thought of all the stuff his friend did over all the years.

"Like, what kind of stuff?" Manda asked, with fear in his voice.

"Let's just say he skinned a bunch of other kaiju and wore their skin as suits to appear in several Ultraman shows in the 60's."

"Jesus Christ!" All of the kaiju yelled out in disgust at what their former friend did. [Even the dragon, who could barely hear what they were saying.]

"Wait, who's the blue dragon?" Anguirus pointed out.

"Him?" Manda asked. "Well, Drake just sort of showed up right after all of you left, and we just let him hang out ever since."

"And let me tell you! My girlfriend and I are happy to be a part of the gang," Drake said happily.

"Girlfriend?" Kumonga asked. "We haven't seen another dragon around here, since you arrived."

"Dragon?" Drake laughed. "My girlfriend isn't a dragon, she's a human." The four kaiju stood puzzled before Gorosaurus simply said "What?"

"Yeah, she's my girlfriend, but that's okay if you didn't know. She's out doing stuff and hasn't had time to say hi to everyone," Drake said, with a smile still on his face.

Kumonga looked over to the rest of his friends, made circular motions towards his face head, with one of his legs. "Crazy."

"Well, Drake, welcome to Monster Island," Anguirus simply said. Drake smiled at the warming welcome.

"Thank you kindly, but I just have one favor," Drake requested, taking a step forward.

"And that is?"

"Please, just don't be mean to my girl or treat her with any disrespect. It just breaks my heart when someone does that kind of stuff to her," Drake said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Sure thing," Kumonga openly agreed, then immediately turned to his friends and started to whisper, "We'll do what he says for now, and maybe he'll eventually leave."

"Things were so much simpler when Godzilla was around. Now we got all of this crap going on," the irritated Manda said, annoyed at the situation they're currently in.

"I know I'm the token good guy with the heart of gold, but even I'm creeped out by him," Anguirus anxiously said.

"I could really use a distraction right now," Gorosaurus demanded. Kumonga was still patching up his wounds, which were taking forever, partly thanks to the bluish dinosaur moving around so much.

"Hey! Hey!" A burly voice yelled out from under the ocean. The five kaiju turned around to see a large walrus erupting out of the ocean and landing right next to them.

"Maguma!" All of the kaiju were shocked at the new arrival, except for Drake. (Oh great, another kaiju has arrived that we now have to talk about for a while.)

"Yep, it's me alright. Ready to hang out with my friend’s old friends," Maguma smirked, crossing his flippers.

"Where have you been? It's been forever since we last saw you," Manda asked. (Yeah, same for us with that walrus.)

"Well, there was I minding my own business, when some insane doctor guy named Malik Hastings—weird name, I know—tried to set me up with his crazy daughter, or something. And I mean, not only crazy in personality, but in her goddamn appearance. She was a lion mixed with a vulture, or something like that. I just don't know. I had to fight for my own life before I was able to escape. And let me tell you, I'd hate to go up against any more abominations like that again," Maguma explained, shivering at reliving the account in his mind.

"Yikes! Sounds horrifying, but I assure you, we don't have abominations here," Angurius reassured his old friend, patting him on the shoulder.

"Thanks," Maguma smiled. "It wasn't all that bad. I found Ebirah."

The group of kaiju then saw the giant lobster or shrimp rise up from the ocean. "Sup," was all Ebirah had to say.

"Nice to see you too, Ebirah," Anguirus greeted.

(Does anyone else want to show up and drag this scene on?)

"Hello!" Another sudden, but friendly, voice was heard. This caught the attention of the kaiju, who turned around.

(Fuck!)

"Yes, and who are you?" Gorosaurus asked.

"My name is Owen the Ox, and I'm here about checking into the hotel," The mammal answered with a simple honesty. The kaiju looked at each other, confused.

"That's right,” Manda recalled, “we tried doing the hotel thing to pay for the dumb taxes the Prime Minister imposed on us," The rest of the kaiju rolled their eyes.

"I mean, he's here now. What are we suppose to do, turn him away?" Anguirus asked. He didn't want to be mean to the kaiju who just showed up.

"Well, we have to think of something," Gorosaurus commented.

The giant blue serpent turned over to the brain-dead mantis known as Kamacuras, and shortly after, looked at the new arrival.

"Why yes! We'll be happy to serve you! Here come on down and help yourself to our complementary breakfast!" Manda said while the giant ox {totally not a Sker Buffalo or anything} smiled as he walked down the hill to see his meal in the form of the green giant mantis.

"Kumonga, why?" Angurius was disgusted over seeing his friend going to be eaten alive.

"I am so.... so.... sorry everyone, but we literally have no other choice without making this awkward," Manda said with remorse.

"Our friend is going to get eaten alive! How is this not awkward!"

"I was going to eat him," Kumonga stated, rubbing his thorax with one of his arachnid limbs.

"What the actual fuck, Kumonga?!" Gorosaurus yelled out in repulsion while the others grew sick at the prospect.

"While we he eats his meal, we'll make a room out of one our old friend's room and let him stay there," Manda said while trying to devise a plan.

"He'll be sleeping in a dead kaiju's habitat! Don't you think that's a little disrespectful?" Anguirus objected at the thought of letting some stranger sleep in one of their dead friend's room.

"It sucks, I know, but we have to do all we can.” Then Manda continued in a state of panic, “And for the love of Godzilla, don't let our guest anywhere near Junior."

"Why? What's wrong with Junior?"



{Editor’s Note: Alternatively, there is also Krwlng if that suites your style.}

Away from the other monsters, but still on Monster Island [in case you forgot], Minilla backed off. A large shadow was looming over the young son of Godzilla as the song Crawling was playing. Minilla didn’t know what was scarier; the monster in front of him or his taste of music.

“Oh noes, big brother, don’t!” He cried before getting hit in the head by the Mothra Larva.

“Shut the fuck up!” Godzilla Junior screamed at his younger brother, hitting him again with the baby Mothra. “Fucking babies!”

The older saurian hit Minilla again, this time swinging the Mothra Larva at him like a baseball bat, sending him flying sideways. The small grey saurian cried as he tried crawling away.

“Please stop!” Minilla whined before getting kicked in the side.

“Shut the fuck up!” Junior yelled again as he beat his little brother with the Mothra Larva again.

Suddenly, Daigoro, donned in a pink nightgown, approached Junior, but not close enough to get herself caught in the crossfire.

“Honey, are you done beating up the little ones?” The hippopotamus monster asked, nudging the young radioactive saurian on the shoulder. He sharply turned his head towards his companion.

“No! Fuck off!” Junior shouted before turning his attention back to Minilla, hitting him with the Mothra Larva again.

“Junior, come to bed, you’ve hurt them enough.” Daigoro pleaded, grabbing Junior’s arm and tugging on it.

“No! I fucking said fuck off!” Junior snapped back, firing his blue atomic breath at Minilla in rage. Minilla cried out in the midst of this abuse.

Daigoro sighed stressfully and put her hand on his head. She hoped Junior would grow out of this phase. For the good of him, their relationship, and everyone else.

Junior just kept beating Minilla with the Mothra Larva until he tired himself out. The grey spawn of Godzilla and caterpillar kaiju quickly left the area as soon as they could find the strength in their bruised bodies. Daigoro was happy at first, but the emerald reptile just walked passed her and forcefully threw himself on their bed.


Prime Minister Shin's Office

"Businesses are looking better than ever, all thanks to the new tax plan created by me, Prime Minister Shin Godzilla," The kaiju leader said out loud to himself while typing his
Tweeter status on his phone.

Prime Minister Shin sat in his office for a few minutes, before thinking of making a tweet regarding the Net Neutrality plan. The disgusting looking Godzilla was about to send out a tweet when the intercom went off.

"Mister Prime Minister, Bemular is here, as you requested," A bored, feminine voice plainly said. Shin rolled his eyes at being interrupted during his tweeting session, which was twenty-four seven.

"This job is so hard; I never get any time to myself. It's really unfair," Prime Minister Shin complained as he then pressed his tiny hands on the intercom button.

"Let him in," Prime Minister Shin simply said, as he then let out a breath of annoyance.

Bemular took huge, unnecessary steps into Shin Godzilla's office, all the while having a big, dumb grin on his face, easily annoying the kaiju leader.

"Hi there! I'm so honored that you invited me to your office. You most do a lot of important stuff!" the easily amused Bemular said with astonishment. If Shin could facepalm himself, he would; the kaiju leader hated this creature, from the way he acted and his appearance. Most of all, he hated how he was already feeling emotion. The Prime Minister knew this was going to be a long day by dealing with this nuisance alone.

"Now I hear you didn't participate in the fight against the ugly green ogre, so I want to know why you didn't heed the call of your great nation, I mean the call of your great leader, me?" Prime Minister Shin asked.

"Sorry, what did you say?" Bemular asked. Shin Godzilla looked up with slightly more emotion in his face, disgust in particular at what the kaiju was doing. "I didn't hear you because I was mining for ear gold."

Bemular yanked the earwax out of his ear {despite the fact that he, too, has stubby T-Rex arms} as he then said "Getting rid of the gold helps me hear better."

"Uh-huh, sure it does," Prime Minister Shin replied curtly. He then repeated his question. "Oh that! I got lost. Silly me, I guess."

The Prime Minister saw Bemular’s big, dumb grin. He was honestly infuriated at the emotion the kaiju was showing (Not like you're showing any emotion too, you hypocrite!) and the lack of loyalty he had. Also the idiocy he displayed was really getting to him. Kaiju like Bemular had to be dealt with for their insubordination. As Shin Godzilla sat there for a moment, briefly playing with his toupee, an idea was born.

"Belai," Shin Godzilla started, but the kaiju then interrupted him. "Silly President, my name is Bemular."

"Yeah, yeah, who cares. I want you to turn around and look at that painting and tell me what you see," Shin Godzilla ordered.

"Okie dokie!" Bemular turned around to stare at the painting of a purple and green robot brandishing a blade while standing in a dark city.

"Now, what are you first thoughts on it?" Prime Minister Shin Godzilla inquired while he began to dig through one of his drawlers.

"An ugly and scary robot," Bemular answered, making Shin annoyed as he then pulled out a revolver.

"Uh-huh, and what else?"

"I have to say, if this was a cartoon, I would be extremely bored with it," Bemular simply replied. Shin Godzilla started loading bullets into the revolver.

"I want you to look deeply into it and tell me what else you see."

"I see something incredibly confusing and far to complex for me to enjoy."

Shin Godzilla then aimed the revolver at the spiky kaiju and fired. But to his disappointment, he missed.

"What was that?" Bemular alarmingly said. But before he could turn, the Prime Minister addressed him, "Nothing! Nothing! Just keep looking at the painting.”

Shin Godzilla fired a few more rounds at Bemular, but to his misfortune, they all kept missing. The kaiju leader struggled to put more bullets into his gun, all the while the space monster still stared at the painting, completely oblivious to Shin Godzilla’s attempted assassination.

Minutes passed as he failed to kill Bemular. Tossing the revolver aside, he screamed with a stock roar. "Screw it! I don't care if this destroys part of the capital, taxpayers will just pay for it anyway!"

Prime Minister Shin Godzilla then opened his mouth, his lower jaw splitting apart, as a purple bright light formed in the darkest recesses of his throat. He charged his beam, infused with his raw atomic power. Before Bemular knew was what about to happen, the Prime Minister unleashed his atomic beam. The beam instantly vaporized the upper half of the oblivious kaiju and the wall that stood in front of him. Before the Prime Minister could destroy any more of the building, he closed his mouth and felt the awesome energy going down into his belly.

He looked at the wreckage that he caused. The bottom half of Bemular was still standing up before it limply collapsed to the ground. The wall was reduced to nothing and parts of the hallway were on fire.

"Holy shit! What happened?" A panicked sounding voice was heard coming down the hallway.

"Nothing. Nothing. Someone got a little too angry and I had to defuse the situation," Prime Minister Shin reassured. "Someone take Bemular's remains away for Project: Fusion.... and fire the guy who panicked. I don't like it when people show emotion." (Again, you were doing that a few seconds ago, asshole.)


G-Force Base [Where is it? I don’t know.]

In the hallways of the facility, guards, staff members, soldiers, and anti-kaiju mech pilots roamed around. Some of them were there to survey the area in case of intruders; others were there because they were bored and couldn’t get on the internet due to the new Net Neutrality removal.

Two guards stood in front of a door for the room with the rocket to the Garoga planet is in. One of them was so bored, he nearly fell asleep. The only reason he didn’t slump over was the repetitive shoulder tapping from his equally bored friend.

“Hey man, you wanna get some coffee?” The guard’s friend asked, in hopes it’ll help them stay awake.

“I’d like to, but shouldn’t we be protecting this room?” The tired man replied.

“Pfft, when has anything bad happened when two guards were away? Plus, this place is filled with highly trained soldiers. Nobody’s getting in there.” His friend assured, laughing and patting the tired guard’s shoulder.

“Alright, I’m gonna leave my gun here so they know we’ll be back,” The guard said, putting his weapon on the ground as his friend did the same.

The two men walked forward before going to a hallway on the left, heading towards the break room to get their coffee.

In the hallway on the right from where the two were, Shrek put his big hand on the wall before looking from left to right, making sure nobody saw him or Donkey.

“Alright Donkey, this is our chance, let’s go in that room and get to that rocket,” The ogre said as he turned to his short friend.

“We better hurry before they get back,” Donkey suggested, ready to run in there.

[And no, there won't be an explanation as to how Shrek and Donkey got inside.]

Shrek looked around again before turning to his best friend and picking him up. He tucked his friend’s equine body under his arm, knowing his hooves made too much noise for running. A couple of unconsciousness guards in a closet a few hallways back learned that the hard way.

“This is humiliating," Donkey quietly complained as his ogre friend quickly, and cautiously, ran down the hall.

Shrek kept running, not stopping until he reached the door. He quickly opened it once he got there, spiraling around as he went through to close it as swiftly and silently as possible. When the green ogre turned around, he looked up and saw it: a white and orange rocket ship. It was almost ready to go as the ceiling slid open, showing the sky above.

Very few of the staff members were present now since they had loaded almost everything on there. Only a few [distracted] guards and a couple of people still importing the necessary items into the rocket remained.

“This’ll be easy, we’ll just get on the ship and hope no one sees us,” Shrek whispered. He held Donkey tightly and sprinted across the room, running past guards who were conveniently looking the other way, and sliding behind some boxes that just so happened to be big enough to hide the ogre and his friend.

Shrek looked up from his hiding place, noticing the loading crew were too busy talking to see him.

“Yeah man, I really don’t like that the Garogas have control over the internet. I can’t get on my phone since we’re so under funded that we can’t pay the overpriced bill, even though we have enough to build giant robots,” One of the loading crew people complained, distraught over this.

“I know, right? It really sucks.” His friend replied, sounding incredibly bored.

One of the men turned and walked towards the bunch of boxes sitting in place, grabbing one to put into the cargo shuttle. His intuition urged him that something was wrong; following his suspicions, he looked behind it and found…

Nothing.

The man shrugged and lifted the box, taking it to the inside of the rocket and placing it on top of another one.

From right behind those boxes, Shrek and Donkey hid, giving each other a high five before crawling forward to find a new hiding spot to explore the ship.

“Garoga planet here we come,” Donkey whispered as the door closed, signifying that they would leave soon.


Prime Minister Shin's Office

Prime Minister Shin Godzilla continued to work, at least in his eyes, when all he was doing yet again was tweeting stuff out. Stuff that doesn't matter to a lot of people, but to him it does, and so many other people who take the bait.

The charred kaiju leader looked up to see the hallway still on fire as he pressed the button on his intercom. "Can someone get rid of the fire and rebuild the wall that was in front of me? It's really cramping my style."

Shin Godzilla turned his attention to the phone and resumed typing when the landline began ringing, much to the Prime Minister's annoyance.

"And yet again, I'm interrupted," Shin Godzilla complained, but nonetheless picked up the phone.

"Um.... Mister Prime Minister," A concerned voice was heard.

"Drop the attitude. I don't like emotion, I shouldn't have to repeat myself every day."

"Right," The G-Force officer dropped the concern in his voice and picked up a bored attitude. "The rocket took off right on schedule, however, we picked up two life forms right as it took off in the form of a green ogre and..... a donkey."

"What?" Shin Godzilla simply asked.

"Our best guess is that the two snuck onto the rocket to stop yours and the Garoga's plan to control the internet," The G-Force officer deduced.

Shin Godzilla listened to what the officer just said and only had one thing on his mind. "If they stop our plan, then we're going to lose out on money and I don't like that."

"Wait a minute? Why the hell am I so damn concerned about them boarding the rocket, if they may just take back the internet?" The G-Force officer questioned himself before he just hung up on the Prime Minister.

"No! You're supposed to be afraid of what I'm afraid of, and then fight it for me," Shin Godzilla said on the phone, but knew it was fruitless as the officer already left.

He promptly pressed the button on the intercom. "Bring in Agent Kamagidon," Shin Godzilla ordered.

Minutes later, the bizarre looking creature with a triceratops on the bottom and some sort of thing that no one could explain on the top walked in the office. "You wanted to see me, sir?" the irked Kamagidon said, keeping his voice as boringly plain as possible.

"First off, I love that attitude, keep it up. Second off, the ugly ogre and that jackass are heading off to the Garoga planet to ruin our Net Neutrality plan. I need you to stop them," Prime Minister Shin Godzilla ordered.

Kamagidon breathed a sigh of annoyance that he had to do something yet again for the incompetent Prime Minister, much less help in completely removing something help brought him a sliver of enjoyment. None the less, he knew he had to do his job as it helped paid the bills for the last forty years since his brief career as an actor.

"Sure thing," lamented Kamagidon.

Prime Minister Shin Godzilla stared at him blankly. "I don't like this depressed attitude. Just because your career as an actor wasn't successful like mine doesn't mean you have to be an ass about it."

Kamagidon felt anger boiling in his stomach or Triceratops body at Shin Godzilla's insult, but decided to let it go for the sake of keeping his job. "Sorry, I'll keep that in mind next time."

"Glad to hear it! Now, leave and do your job. I'm already tired of looking at your ugly appearance," Shin Godzilla overtly stated while he brushed him off. Kamagidon sighed heavily, releasing a breath of depression as he walked off.

The bizarre looking monster walked down the hallway leading out of the capitol. He began to think about the upcoming battle with the ogre. Kamagidon heard what happened to the kaiju that weren't sent in to kill him and how they all failed. He wondered if he would share the same fate as them, but he did smile at the idea of the mission. He would either succeed and gain praise from the people of Toho for destroying the menace, which may jumpstart his life into several different career paths that ought to be better than this one. The other being he would perish like his other kaiju citizens.

"Either way, I'll benefit from this assignment, one way or another," Kamagidon said to himself as he opened his wings and flew towards the stars, making his way towards the Garoga homeworld. (HOLY SHIT! We subverted your expectations by including a power he never had! Unless you read the monster card..... Shit!)


Monster Island

Cargo planes flew overhead, dropping boxes down on the island. The remaining residents walked up to them, Anguirus opened one to find a recorder inside. [Remember this?!] The spiky saurian remembered this all too well and pressed the button on the devise.

"Hello, tremendous soldiers of Toho! This is your amazing Prime Minister, Shin Godzilla. Again. I once more need your assistance in defeating that meddling ogre and his dumb donkey, too. This time, those dumb-dumbs have stowed away on a rocket ship to the Garoga’s homeworld, I need you all to stop him before he can do harm to their wonderful planet. I know there probably aren’t a lot of you left, but I’m sure with your amazing powers, anything is possible.” Prime Minister Shin’s recorded voice explained before someone was heard whispering.

“What? What do you mean all that’s left are weak, powerless cannon fodder? Wait, this isn’t recording is it?... Well skre—”

Suddenly the recording ended. Anguirus put his hand on his face and shook his head.

“We’re not doing this again.” The spiked dinosaur stated. The others nodded their heads in agreement. “We’re still recovering from last time.”

“Plus, there’s no reason why we should. That ogre hasn’t done anything to us and we’ve lost too many monsters already.” Kumonga also spoke up.

Gorosaurus nodded and was about to pointlessly join in on this when he was suddenly hit in the back of the head, knocking him down to the ground.

Right where Gorosaurus stood was Godzilla Junior, with hatred gleaming in his eyes over his comrades' cowardliness. He once again held the rigid Mothra Larva; gripping her tail-end with one hand while tapping her head on the palm of his other hand, like a thug with a baseball bat.

“We’re not gonna fucking fight?!” The juvenile Godzilla shrieked, glaring at everyone as Gorosaurus struggled to get back to his feet.

“Why would we? We can’t risk fighting him again, he’s too powerful.” Anguirus explained, trying to reason with the boy.

“Because he fucking killed my dad!” Junior screamed, spitting an atomic ray at the spiky quadruped, setting the ground ablaze in a small explosion of fire. Anguirus leapt out of harm’s way.

"But Junior, we have no way to get to the Garoga planet, we don’t have a ship, and Drake can’t fly us all at once.” Manda added.

Godzilla Junior was about to retort, but looked around and saw Drake. He gave him a look of confusion as the dragon smiled and waved at the son of Godzilla.

“I don’t fucking care!” Junior hollered, raising his foot and stomping the serpent’s body, causing him to let out a screech of pain. “I need to avenge my dad and I’m not afraid to fucking kill you all to kill that fucking ogre! You just don’t get it! It’s not a phase, this is who I am and I wanna kill that fucking ogre!”

Junior saw Kumonga, Maguma, and Ebirah trying to sneak away out of his peripheral. The green radioactive kaiju swiftly threw the stiff Mothra Larva at the three, striking them all in the backs of their heads, forcing them to fall face first onto the ground. The baby Mothra looked at Ebirah with fear in her eyes as the crustacean slowly tried to crawl away.

“Help. Me.” The Mothra Larva pleaded before getting lifted into the air by Junior’s hand.

“Fucking cowards!” The young saurian scowled before turning back to the group, hitting Ebirah in the head with his tail as he did.

“But Junior, how are we going to get there?” Anguirus asked as he helped Manda up.

Godzilla Junior was about to say something, probably while saying “fuck”, but suddenly everyone’s favorite guest walked into the argument.

“Are you guys needing to go somewhere off planet?” Owen the Ox asked, wiping his face with a napkin from his breakfast. “Because I can get you there.”

Anguirus, Manda, and Gorosaurus slowly shook their heads, but Godzilla Junior walked in front of them, standing in front of Owen the Ox.

“Yes we fucking do.” The juvenile kaiju answered, causing the others to groan in annoyance.

“Alrighty then.” Owen the Ox said with an optimistic smile. “Where to?”


Cargo Shuttle

Shrek stared out of one of the rocket's windows to look at the vast abyss of space. While the ogre could understand why some people found a view like this appealing, for him it did nothing. He always preferred seeing the stars when he was lying down on the ground back at home.

"You know, Donkey, I think I've been spoiled by the Star Wars to enjoy a calm view of space." Shrek quickly realized Donkey was nowhere near to be found. "Donkey?"

"I'm still here Shrek, but did you really have let one out while we're in here?" the disgusted Donkey whined, wandering into the control room and covering his nose with one of his hooves.

Shrek looked at his friend confused. "I don't recall letting out any gas," The ogre reassured his friend, but Donkey wasn’t quite buying it.

"Well, whatever that smell is, it's really bad. And it smells really similar to you," accused Donkey.

"Donkey! I don't know what you’re smelling, but it's...." Shrek was interrupted when he started to breath in the air through the air. If the ogre was human, his skin would have turned green with sickness. Donkey knew his friend too well and noticed the smell finally caught up with him.

"I see it's finally catching up to you. About time!" Donkey called out.

"Donkey! It's not me!" Shrek gagged as he walked towards the back of the room where he noticed the smell was more potent.

Donkey followed his friend as they came across the box. The two looked at each other and gagged from the stench the box was generating. With a nervous look from Donkey, Shrek opened up the box and to their horror was the decaying body of what remained of Bemular.

"See! I told you! I didn't do anything!" Shrek yelled out, proving his innocence.

"You know," Donkey simply said as he began walking away from the box. "I seriously wish it was you."

Shrek let out a groan. "Well, what do you want me to do about?"

"Throw it out the airlock!"

"I can't just throw it out. It's obviously here for a reason. If I throw it out, then it may blow our cover when we arrive at the Garoga planet," Shrek responded.

"Well, you better think of something before I lose it," Donkey threatened as the ogre noticed his friend was barely keeping it together from the stench.

Shrek threw his arms up in annoyance on his friend's complaining. "I don't know what else to tell you Donkey, but just wait it out till we get there."

Donkey let loose a yell of annoyance. He couldn't take it anymore; he needed to get rid of the box containing the foul smell. "Don't you even think about it!" Shrek warned with anger on his giant face.

The jackass started running towards the box, with Shrek standing guard. The two were ready to fight each other, when all of a sudden they heard a voice.

"State your business," the Garoga officer said over the intercom. Shrek and Donkey looked at each, and ran towards the front of the ship, willing to forget about the smell.

Shrek looked at his friend to see if he knew what to say as Donkey just shrugged his shoulders. The ogre pressed the button. "Uh, yeah, we're here to deliver the parts for the internet plan and whatever else is on here."

There was a pause of silence, concerning the two that the Garogas discovered who they were. Then the officer spoke again, "I was told there wasn't supposed to be a crew for this delivery."

Donkey gulped as Shrek pushed the button again. "It was a last minute decision on the Prime Minister's part. He wanted extra precautions; you know how he is and all of that."

"That sounds like him. I tell yah, that's the one downside to all of this. Our internet plan isn't even finished and our communications are already slowed down," The Garoga mused.

Donkey rolled his eyes while Shrek flipped the speaker off. "Just park your ship in docking bay one-forty-two," the officer ordered.

"Alright, sounds fine by me," Shrek simply said as he piloted the ship towards the hanger.

"Also," Shrek said while he pressed the intercom. "We would like to have a squad to help decontaminate and get rid of our nasty human stench."

"Sounds reasonable, and let me say it's very nice of you humans to admit your flaws. Unlike us Garogas, of course," the officer proudly stated as he began to think about the superiority of his race.

Shrek turned off the intercom and looked at Donkey. "If I were a human, I would be very offended."

"This is the first Garoga I encountered and I already hate them," Shrek said with disgust.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" Donkey asked with a smile.

"Why do yah think I asked if they could have a squad come up?" Shrek replied with a smirk.

The rocket entered the hanger bay as the two inhabitants noticed the bright white lights along with the black floor. The ogre pressed a few buttons, the rocket lowered and landed. Shortly after, the ramp to the ship opened up as a Garoga X-Squadron raced inside to combat the disgusting stench. Shortly after, in terms of seconds (Which doesn't seem remotely possible, except for the movies just to speed things along.), Shrek and Donkey walked into the hanger wearing the squadron's armor.

"I barely fit into this," Donkey called attention to the matter as a piece of armor fell onto the floor. He pushed it in behind the ramp to prevent any of the Garogas from seeing it.

"The armor is barely keeping me belly inside, so we better make this quick," Shrek pointed out, putting his hand over the armor covering his stomach.

"So.... door number one?" Donkey asked as the two saw one of many doors leading who knows where.

"It's better to try it than to stand here and get caught," Shrek simply stated as the two walked towards the door. A piece of armor fell off of Shrek.

"Shit!"


Undisclosed Location

A small purple ripple appeared in the sky, sending ten monsters falling down to the ground, all of them conveniently landing on their feet. They were the Monster Island residents, warped here thanks to Owen the Ox.

“Wow Owen, I didn’t know you can teleport so fast. That took like three seconds. Faster than that Ultraguy.” Manda praised, looking at the ox hovering in place.

“Thanks, I get that a lot.” Owen the Ox said, content with the compliment.

Godzilla Junior looked around, sniffing the air as he twirled the Mother Larva in his hand. Something wasn’t right; he didn’t see the ogre or the donkey. In fact, Junior only saw vast deserts, which meant there was sand everywhere. And he hated sand.

Junior stopped twirling the larva, which made the caterpillar throw up silk. The radioactive juvenile turned to Owen the Ox, glaring at the mammal.

“Where the fuck is the ogre?!” He yelled as the others began to realize there was no sign of Shrek anywhere.

“Well, whaddayaknow. I must have teleported us to the wrong side of the planet.” Owen explained, looking around. “It seems like we’re in the outskirts…”

Godzilla Junior’s eye twitched as he heard they were still away from him getting his revenge.

“Then fucking teleport us to where that damn ogre is!” The saurian ordered.

“I’m afraid I can’t do that unless I get another meal. Teleporting takes more energy out of you than you think.” Owen explained again, keeping his optimistic smile through all Godzilla Junior’s verbal abuse.

Godzilla Junior turned to the other monsters.

“Fucking get him something to eat!” The son of Godzilla demanded.

The kaiju looked around for something to eat, but not seeing anything.

“There isn’t anything to eat.” Anguirus said.

“Yeah, and I’m not taking one for the team. Again and again and again and again and again and again…” Gorosaurus went on until Junior clamped his mouth shut with his hand, then threw the dinosaur down to the sand with a furious howl.

“Fucking fine! We’ll fucking walk to the Gar-fucking-oga base and fucking find him!” Godzilla Junior ordered, getting a group groan in response.

The young mutated Godzillasaurus began walking forward, motioning the others to follow him. They unfortunately and reluctantly did.

After a few minutes of walking through the desert, Kumonga turned to Anguirus.

“Do you think he knows where he’s going?” The spider asked. The spiky saurian to widen his eyes in realization; this was going to be a long trip.


Garoga Homeworld

Shrek and Donkey searched the Garoga base for anything that was related to the internet, but it seemed like everyone they searched either had nothing to offer or something they could have gone their whole lives without seeing.

The two opened up a door to see a giant bird with glasses standing over an unconscious Garoga. The bird turned its head sharply at the two and opened its beak to let out a demonic voice. "You didn't fucking see anything!"

Shrek and Donkey looked at each before they closed the door and let the bird do whatever it was about to do. (Just like them, we, the authors don't want anything to do with whatever is happening in that room.)

"Let's see what's behind door number six-hundred," Shrek said annoyed, opening the door to find a large room containing what appeared to be grass. The two got a closer look and noticed they were in a rice farm.

"Welcome to the rice field, motherfuck...." a familiar figure popped out behind the grass only to notice his two enemies from only a couple of days ago. “Ah fuck!”

"Zandolla?!" Both Shrek and Donkey yelled out in surprise.

"Don't kill me! Please, oh please don't kill me!" Zandolla pleaded as he put his shovel hands together while he got onto his knees. Shrek and Donkey looked at each for a moment before Zandolla stopped panicking. "You know what? Fuck it! Just kill me. Death ought to be better than working in the goddamn rice fields all day."

"Relax. As long you don't try anything then we have no beef with you," Shrek reassured the Terror-Beast as Zandolla then got back onto his feet.

"If you're not going to kill me, then why are you two here?" Zandolla asked.

"Long story short, we're here to take the internet back," Donkey answered.

"Both of you hate Shin Godzilla's plan, huh? That makes sense. I can take you both there," Zandolla said. This news was a delight to Shrek and Donkey.

"Well, that's great! Lead the way!" Shrek said.

"On two conditions," Zandolla insisted, crossing his arms.

"Name them."

"I want transportation off this planet and asylum at your swamp,"

"Sounds reasonable, and the other?"

"It's not only me, but I need some help rescuing my friends," Zandolla finished. Shrek rolled his eyes, with Donkey noticing his friend’s distress.

"What's wrong with saving his friends?" Donkey pestered, a little annoyed at Shrek seeming like he would refuse.

"It's a side-quest Donkey. We're already doing too much at once," Shrek explained. (Yeah, what he said.)

"Don't worry. It won't take long. There are only a few scientists there, nothing we can't handle," Zandolla detailed.

"It's just a tiny side-quest, Shrek," Donkey added.

Shrek rolled his eyes and groaned. "It's still a side-quest! No one likes those!"

"I beg to differ," Donkey responded.

Shrek let out a small roar and yelled out "Fine! But we're retaking the internet first!"

"Deal!" Zandolla said as he began to lead his new allies to where construction on the new internet plan was occurring.

"Anyway, what happened to you these past few days?" Donkey asked.

"It's a long sort of a long story," Zandolla answered. (One that'll be answered the next time we see them.)



In a luxurious room that was filled with mostly gold, from the furniture, the computers, you know what, everything was covered in gold. The Golden Garoga Leader known as Ajit Pai with lips bigger than the average Garoga leaned back in his desk chair. He brought up a large yogurt cup that was labeled as "Gogurt Zilla" up to those terrible, terrible lips, but opened his mouth, not to eat, but to say something.

"I love kaiju! Not just the men, but the women and children too! And they make fantastic gogurt!" The ugly, disgraceful alien proclaimed aloud before he started to eat his disgusting food.

"Fucking the internet and everyone is my favorite thing to do!" Ajit Pai announced as he took another bite. "I wonder what the next thing should be for me to fuck?"

Before the Garoga Leader could ponder on what else to do, a Baron Garoga appeared on his screen. "Sir. Agent Kamagidon has just arrived and is requesting an audience with you."

"How delightful!" The Gold Garoga yelled out as he got off of his chair. "No matter what I do, people will always love me! Maybe I should become Prime Minister after Shin Godzilla retires."

Ajit Pai pondered on the idea as he grew a big smile with lips that everyone would want to destroy. "I would make a great Prime Minister. And I would take away medicine from people, oh wait, that's already being done!"

The Garoga Leader let out a laugh as he then grabbed a conveniently placed lightsaber and ran off to meet with Kamagidon.

Kamagidon waited in the hanger for a few minutes as he already dreaded meeting the leader and his arrogance. If he could, he would just kill the alien and at least feel some happiness, but unfortunately he'll never be able to do so due to the rest of the Garogas gunning him down. The bizarre kaiju thought again and shrugged his shoulders, death was preferable, but none the less, he decided to do his job. (Which totally won't bite him in the ass.)

"Hello there, Kamagidon!" Ajit Pai said out loud with a smile on his face.

"Fuck me," Kamagidon grumbled, annoyed as the Garoga walked over to him.

"Maybe later, but I appreciate you wanting an audience with me. What seems to be the problem that only I can fix?" The Garoga Leader gleefully cheered as Kamagidon cringed not only by his attitude, but by the very first that was said to him. The bizarre creature was resisting the urge to vomit, but managed to keep himself together to speak.

"I'm going to cut to the chase. We've been informed that the enemies of Toho known as Shrek and Donkey have infiltrated this planet."

"Oh?" The golden alien perked with curiosity, growing a smile on his face. "They must be salty because of my genius plan to get rid of Net Neutrality."

Kamagidon groaned at the Garoga Leader's arrogance as he then saw him eating out of his big cup of Gogurt Zilla, forcing the bizarre kaiju to nearly puke.

The agent managed to regain his composure. "I recommend you don't sound the alarm so I sweep the base for any signs. That way we can ambush him and bring a swift end to the ogre."

A moment of silence passed before Ajit Pai said out loud "Nah! I'm going to sound the alarm right now!"

"What? No!" Kamagidon yelled out as the leader was jeopardizing his mission and making something that would be really simple into something far more complicated.

"I'm good. I'm just going to sound the alarm so we can kill them; Garoga style. But thanks for visiting!" The Gold Garoga said happily as he walked off while eating his gogurt, leaving a depressed Kamagidon alone in the hanger.

"I should have just killed him," Kamagidon said with depression in his voice. (I told you so!)



In a clear white room, a group of white colored Garogas worked hard on making their internet plan come true. (Why do they work in a white room if they're white themselves? It's one of two reasons: to camouflage themselves or they're racist.) The white doors opened up with the Garogas turning around to see Shrek, Donkey, and Zandolla charging in. One was instantly sent flying with a shotgun shell launched from the ogre's shotgun. The remaining White Garogas went to call for help, but Donkey turned one of the alien's heads into a puddle of brain matter with his hooves, while Zandolla drilled through another's torso like butter. Finally, Shrek picked off the last two with his shotgun, thus clearing the area.

(To answer our question, I guess it was the latter.)

"Basically what happened after my humiliating defeat of getting stuck on a tree, the Garogas picked me up and had me to do humiliating jobs. Those being tending to rice fields and being the janitor," Zandolla explained as he walked over to the main console.

"So the person who prepares the food is also the janitor?" Donkey said with a look of disgust on his face.

Zandolla rubbed the back of his shoulder and replied, "I wash my hands...... most of the time.... screw it! I never do!"

"Fair enough," Shrek simply said as he hoped the terrible Garogas would get food poisoning.

"Anyway, grab everything you see. Chances are they're part of their plan," Zandolla ordered as both the ogre and donkey grabbed anything they could see while the Terror-Beast typed away on the console.

"If you're the janitor, how do you unclog the toilets?" Donkey asked, painstakingly grabbing the parts with his mouth one by one.

Zandolla paused and turned around to face Donkey. "Hello!" The Terror-Beast said aloud, pointing towards his drill.

The drill kaiju picked up PDA's from the dead Garogas as he began entering the information on them into the console.

Shrek looked at Donkey who nodded him as he then announced, "Okay, I think that's everything."

"Good, now I need you to come over to the console," Zandolla replied as Shrek did what the Terror-Beast requested.

"What do want your password to be?" Zandolla plainly asked. Shrek hesitated, processing the question.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Your password. Once you enter it, you'll have control," Zandolla explained. Hearing this, Donkey smiled brightly and Shrek smirked at the prospect.

"I like that sound of that. But wouldn't Ajit Pai or the Prime Minister have access in case something like this happened?" Shrek asked, tempering his expectations.

"Do you really have to ask something like that? They're dumbasses and lazy. If they think it's secure even when it's not, they won't care."

"Fair enough," Shrek said as he went to the console and typed in the password.

"Excellent!" Zandolla exclaimed. "You'll have full access to do whatever you want with the internet and with the parts you gathered, you'll be able to control from wherever you're at."

"Perfect!" Shrek said happily.

"Now, let's go rescue you friends, so we can all celebrate with some waffles!" Donkey said happily while wagging his tail.

"You know, Donkey," Shrek said with a frown as Donkey grew a look of sadness. "Waffles sound like a great idea."

"Ah yeah!" Donkey yelled out as they made their way out of the room.

"By the way, you can call me Zandora now, since that's what they refer to me now for my failure."

"I am in no way calling you that," Shrek simply said with annoyance at how stupid that name sounded.

"Yeah, it's a terrible name. It ruined a perfectly decent name into something that's confusing," Donkey added.

"Yeah, I'm not a fan of it either," Zandolla agreed.



The Monster Island Remnants made their way up another sand hill. Godzilla Junior used the Mothra Larva as a scarf to keep sand out of his face. The other monsters trudged their way through the sand; they were tired, hungry, thirsty, and hot. Their bodies ached every time they moved.

Godzilla Junior surveyed the landscape, his eyes widening when he saw a metal building shine through the barren wasteland.

“We’re fucking here!” He called to the others as he turned to them.

“We’re here?!” Kumonga called out in joy before him and everyone else hurriedly looked over the hill and saw what Junior was seeing.

Godzilla Junior couldn’t wait any longer, he couldn’t get any reception to play his ‘deep' music loudly. The young kaiju ran towards the building before everyone followed suit, wanting to get out of this desert. After a few minutes of running, the monsters finally got to the Garoga base, unusually unguarded. But Godzilla Junior didn’t care as he hurriedly walked up to the door and knocked five or six times hard on the door, denting it eventually around the fourth knock.

Before the young monster could hurt the door anymore, it opened, a Garoga popped his head out and examined the kaiju.

“We don’t want any!” The alien yelled before slamming the door in their faces.

Godzilla Junior was astonished at this behavior and glared at the door. Only he could be this rude to people! The young kaiju’s spines flashed before he unleashed his atomic breath at the door, propelling it off the hinges and crushed the Garoga, splattering him between the wall and the door.

Anguirus just looked at Junior with distain.

“Are you mad?” The spiky monster asked as he walked beside the radioactive lizard.

Junior just walked inside the base, looking around as the others walked in.

“Well, let’s go find that o-“ Godzilla Junior was abruptly cut off by a taser. The young mutated Godzillasaurus screeched as he fell down, being pumped with electricity.

“Don’t move!” Another Garoga yelled as three others joined him, their guns raised at them.

The monsters raised their hands up, even Owen the Ox somehow, not wanting to get tased like Junior. The kaiju prince was twitching on the ground as the Garoga stopped tasing him.

“Where… the fuck… did you come from?!” Godzilla Junior weakly hissed as his spasms continued.

“Shut up!” One of the aliens ordered, kicking Junior in the gut.

“Come with us! You’re going to the dungeon!” Another guard ordered as two of them went behind the group, pointing their guns at their heads.

The Monster Island Remnants entered the dungeon, looking around and seeing how terrible and just plain fucking gross it was with brick walls, rats and roaches scurrying across the floor, and ugly prisoners. One was a short green alien, another was a starfish monster that also looked like a bat, and one other was some human guy with glasses and a short beard. The monsters walked past all the prisoners before being pushed into their own cell, the barred door being closed and locked.

Godzilla Junior kicked a wall, crying out as he stubbed his toe.
Anguirus sighed and put a hand on his face, more disappointed in Junior than his dad would be now.

“So, what are we gonna do now?” Maguma asked as he turned to the spiky dinosaur.

“Well—” Anguirus began before being rudely interrupted. “We try to fucking escape! That’s what we do!” The young leader announced to the others.

“And how are we supposed to do that?” Anguirus protested, frustrated with Junior’s naiveté.

“Well… uh…” Junior trailed off, not knowing what to do.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Let the adults deal with the planning.” Anguirus retorted before turning to the other monsters.

Godzilla Junior glared at Anguirus. How dare he defy him!

“Hey!” Junior cried out. Suddenly, another voice intervened.

“Perhaps I could be of some assistance,” a voice said from inside their cell.

From the shadows of the cell was a man with a scruffy beard and long hair. He got up, drunkly stumbled around before bringing himself to a normal posture and smiling as if nothing happened.

“What do you want, weird man?” Owen the Ox asked.

“Well, I couldn’t help but overhearing you, very loudly saying you want to break out. If you let me out, I can help you.” The guy explained, slurring his words as he spoke.

The monsters just looked at him, not sure if he could or not since he just looked like some drunk.

“Fuck off!” Godzilla Junior said before turning away from the man.

“Who even are you?” Ebirah asked, finally being the one to question him.

“Well, I’m just some guy who fights the Garogas.” The man chuckled before grabbing a rock, fiddling with it before tossing it aside. It hit a fellow prisoner, an iguanodon, in the side, causing him to yell in pain. “But I’m also known as Zone Fighter.”

Anguirus gave a surprised look at the man, not even recognizing him. “Zone Fighter?! What happened to you and how did you get here?”

“That’s a story for another time, but I can help you guys if you let me out.” Zone Fighter explained, patting the small kaiju on the head.

“No!” Godzilla Junior grumpily said, not even looking at the man.

“But Junior, Zone Fighter is one of the best, most noble heroes of all time, he’ll help us.” Anguirus explained to the child, trying to reason with him even though he knew it was pointless.

“Who fucking cares?” Junior growled, not caring who he is and wanting to do this himself.

“Well, Junior, I can baddabing baddaboom, kill some people for you and get some keys.” Zone Fighter explained, causing the young saurian’s ears to perk up.

“Killing people you say?” Junior asked, turning around and while everyone facepalmed.

“Yeah, I can kill some guys and we’ll be on our merry way.” Zone Fighter reiterated.

“I don’t know Anguirus, this guy seems a little crazy…” Kumonga said as he turned to his friend.

Anguirus was about to protest before he saw the man tucking a rock in his bed.

“… Yeah, maybe you’re on to something…” The spiked saurian said before Junior walked up to the guy.

“Deal!” Junior said before turning back around and firing his atomic breath at the door, causing it to fly off the hinges. [For the second time!]

Zone Fighter just laughed crazily, causing everyone to give him a weird look. The man just kept laughing before running up to their leader and kicking him in the crotch. The young saurian fell over, roaring in pain as Zone Fighter ran out of the cell, laughing.

“Fuck! Fuck! Shit! Fuck! Dicks!” Junior yelled out as he put his hands on his sore crotch, trembling in pain.

“We told you so!” The monsters scolded. [No you didn’t!]

“Shut the fuck up you assholes!” Junior shrieked, still in pain.



A gold and red tram sped through the reddish, desert landscape while Shrek, Donkey, and Zandolla sat on the seats, making small talk with each other. Shrek and Donkey were surprised on how fast they're becoming friends with a former enemy and the same with the Terror-Beast. He didn't seem to mind the duo and was looking forward to living at the swamp along with his Terror-Beast friends. These were certainly good days to come for the three.

"Attention! Attention!" A voice was heard through the speakers in the tram, gaining the attention of the three passengers. "The ogre known as Shrek and his friend Donkey have infiltrated our precious home world. All available forces are to find and terminate them."

"Yah got to be kidding me!" Shrek yelled out in annoyance over the Garogas catching wind of their infiltration.

"The jig is up, but at least we don't have to wear these dumb suits anymore," Donkey said as the suit popped off of him, taking in a sigh of relief.

"The amount of forces keeping an eye should be the same as the ones in the previous room, so we'll be grab them and go," Zandolla pointed out.

"Okay then, let's make this quick," Shrek said as he cracked his knuckles while his Garoga outfit fell off.

The tram stopped at their destination, with the three getting off. Zandolla lead the way with Shrek and Donkey following him and soon enough arrived at the door of the room. The Terror-Beast with the drill opened the door with the White Garogas turning their attention to the three. Before they can do anything, Donkey launched himself at two of the Garogas knocking them out with his hooves. Shrek pulled out two onions and threw them in two Garoga's mouths, causing them to blow up. Zandolla dealt with the final Garoga by spewing high-temperature steam, which made the Garoga melt into a goopy mess of blood and blood. (I should have just pulled a Toho and made this a stock paragraph. It's essentially the same thing.)

Zandolla walked over to the console and began typing in commands. Shrek turned over to the Terror-Beast. "By the way, I'm not carrying them. They're going to have to walk."

"Of course. I wasn't intending for either of you to carry them. I am," Zandolla replied. Shrek and Donkey eyed him with confusion.

"What do you mean by ‘carry them?’" Donkey asked

"They require delicate care as they're still early in their cloning stage," Zandolla explained as he was now pulling something.

"Cloning? What are you on about it?" Shrek asked.

Zandolla then pulled a tiny Spider-Uros out a capsule, making Shrek and Donkey's eyes widen. "My friends are just a bunch of babies right now. They can't defend each other. Isn't that right, Uros? Goochie goochie goo!" The Terror-Beast was cooing the baby Spider-Uros as it spat out web on his face, or drill in this case.

"Isn't he so adorable?" Zandolla asked with a high pitch voice. (You better vote for Zandolla as best parent of the year!)

"Uh-uh, no way! We don't have time to escort a bunch of babies. It's going to be bad enough to fight through a bunch of C-grade aliens, but babysitting? No way!" Shrek said while throwing his arms in annoyance.

"I don't see what's so bad about it. We fought worse," Donkey said as he smiled at the cute baby Spider-Uros.

"Besides, all you two need to do is provide is to escort me. I can worry about the babies," Zandolla reassured his new friends.

Shrek breathed a sigh of annoyance as he reluctantly agreed to Zandolla rescuing the babies, since they're technically his friends. "Just make it quick."

"Of course," Zandolla said as he strapped a giant, blue baby carrier on his chest and began putting all twenty-five of his friends on.

"So let me get this straight. Every time you die, you're cloned?" Donkey asked.

"Yep, it's happen to each of us at least thirty times. It's really a pain in the ass for us to keeping doing the same shit over and over again. We had lives before the Garogas abducted us. We were all part of a Fraternity, with real aspirations. I was going to be a Computer Administrator for fuck sakes!"

"That's horrible, I'm terribly sorry to hear that about you and your friends," Donkey apologized as he patted Zandolla on the shoulder.

"Yeah, maybe we can get out of here, I can get back to my actual life," Zandolla mused as he strapped the remaining baby and Garoga technology supplies onto himself.

"Ready to go when you guys are," Zandolla announced as Shrek clapped his hands.

"Let's get back to our normal lives and out of this shitty adventure," Shrek said as the three made their way out of the room and towards the tram. They were about to board the tram, but before they could react, all they heard was a slight slash of something slicing through the building. Before they knew it, the three were sucked out to the reddish desert.

Shrek groaned as he grew a look of annoyance to see a monster he never though could exist. A triceratops on the bottom, but something he couldn't even describe on the top. Shrek was on the verge of roaring while Donkey slowly got up, he has had it with all these delays and this kaiju was no exception.



The ogre turned his hands into fists, planting his feet firmly on the shifty sand. Shrek opened his mouth as he roared out, "YOU ARE ONE UGLY MOTHERFUCKER!"

Kamagidon ignored the ogre’s hurtful insult, no matter how much it made him cry on the inside, and charged towards the pair, his four legs carrying his massive [fat] body towards them. Shrek braced himself, planting his feet firmly on the ground and spreading his arms wide as Donkey jumped out of the way so he wouldn’t hit.

The odd looking monster slammed his bulk into the ogre, but Shrek held strong, holding his scythes in his mighty ogre hands as he pushed forward, leaving them in a stalemate as they tried to overpower each other. Donkey thought this was going on for too long and ran towards the monster grappling with his friend. Quickly turning around and back-kicking Kamagidon in the side with his hooves, it sent the centaur creature flying to a sand dune, covering the peculiar looking monster with sand as the mound collapsed.

“Thanks Donkey, that was easier than I thought.” Shrek complimented his friend, grinning down at him as their opponent was already down.

“Well, let’s go.” Donkey happily suggested before a group of Garoga soldiers surrounded the two.

“Hands where we can see ‘em!” One of the aliens barked as Shrek and Donkey reluctantly raised their hands.

Shrek looked at Donkey, winking as he reached behind his back, grabbing his shotgun. Just before the ogre was about to take out the weapon and shoot the Garogas, a volley of missiles exploded against his back, Shrek yelling out in pain. The ogre and the donkey looked behind them to see that it was Kamagidon.

“You’re not getting away that easily!” The strange monster yelled before clapping his scythe hands, spitting more missiles at the two. Shrek and Donkey quickly jumped out of the way, the missiles finding the Garoga soldiers instead. Body parts and blood scattered everywhere.

Shrek rolled on the ground before kneeling, grabbing three onions and throwing them at Kamagidon, but the weird monster just sliced them with ease with his claws. Donkey charged towards Kamagidon and headbutted his bottom head. The triceratops roared out and pushed forward, headbutting the equine and sending him flying back, skidding across the sand of the desert. Shrek used this opportunity to jump onto Kamagidon’s back, putting him in a headlock and pulling one of his arms back.

Donkey got up and charged towards the unusual creature again, this time not headbutting him, but instead biting one of the triceratops’ head’s horns in the attempt to break it. Kamagidon and his triceratops half screeched in agony, the bizarre kaiju swung his free hand around, trying to hit the ogre behind him.

“You smell terrible!” Kamagidon yelled as he could smell the ogre from being so close to him.

“I’m an ogre! Did you expect me to smell like peaches?!” Shrek commented as he continued squeezing harder on the monster’s throat and arm.

“You should invest in some deodorant!” Kamagidon yelled back, finally landing a successful hit and bonking Shrek in the head with the back of his scythe. The ogre screamed in pain and let go.

This gave the queer monster [Don’t laugh, I’m starting to run out of synonyms for strange/weird!] the opportunity to push Shrek off with the side of his arm, crashing to the ground with a hard thud. Kamagidon then turned his attention to Donkey, who was still trying to rip his triceratops half’s horn off. The freakish looking monster slammed the small animal in the sides with the flat of both of his scythe hands, forcing him to yell out in pain and let the horn go.

The tri-horned half of Kamagidon slipped under the comedic equine and swiftly lifts its head up, flinging Donkey in the air before Kamagidon headbutted him.

Shrek got to his feet and took notice of Kamagidon’s tail. The ogre quickly ran up to it and grabbed the appendage. The funny looking monster barley had enough time to react before Shrek started lifting him off the ground, putting his great strength to use before bringing Kamagidon down. The centaur fiend gave a confused shrill before being hoisted up, this time even higher, and then promptly back into the ground.

Kamagidon roared in pain as the attack hurt his legs. Shrek then lifted him up again, but this time turned around and slammed the unusual creature into a hill of sand. It collapsed, covering Kamagidon up to his head. Shrek laughed at his fallen opponent who struggled against the sand tomb.

“Look Donkey, it’s Sandy Dick!” The ogre joked as his friend laughed, causing Kamagidon to groan in annoyance.

“That wasn’t even funny!” He complained as he continued to try and get out of the sand.

Shrek and Donkey continued laughing before something exploded against the ogre’s back, causing him to yell out in pain.

“Shrek, we got company!” Donkey yelled to his friend as he turned around. There were now lines of Garoga tanks and helicopters in the desert, ready to shoot down the duo.

"Well Donkey, let’s kick some ass!” Shrek proudly announced as his companion smiled, ready to fight the military.

Shrek quickly threw a few onions at the tanks as they fired at him. Their shots missed, but they were easily destroyed by the large onions. The ensuing explosions left a horrible stench that killed everyone in the area, suffocating them and corroding the surviving tanks.

Donkey jumped into the air, chomping down on a helicopter before landing on the ground and crushing two tanks under his hooves. The donkey chewed on the flying vehicle then swallowed, giving a satisfied sound before leaping up and using his head to hit a few more choppers as they fired at him, but missing as usual while their comrades got destroyed.

Shrek gave a mighty ogre roar at the tanks firing at him, blasting them away with his breath as their ammunition helplessly exploded before reaching the ogre. Shrek then reached behind his back and, instead of pulling out his shotgun, he took out a sword, running his fingers down the flat of its before swinging it and cutting through several tanks, slicing them before they exploded.

Shrek then did the same with the helicopters, slicing them all in half just as Donkey leapt through them, both heroes causing them to blow up, the ones Shrek attacked crashed down to the ground, hitting the remaining tanks and detonating them on impact.

Shrek and Donkey stood victorious among the fiery remains of the vehicles.

“Well, let’s go Donkey.” Shrek suggested as the two began to walk away.

“Aren’t you for getting something?” Kamagidon asked, causing the duo to turn around and see that he was still buried in the sand.

“No, we’re not getting you outta there.” Donkey stated as he started to turn around again.

“No, not that. Just…” Kamagidon gave a depressed sigh. “Just fucking kill me.”

Shrek and Donkey gave a surprised look at the fallen monster, not expecting him willingly wanting this.

“Why would you want me to do that?” Shrek questioned, standing on one knee in front of the offbeat kaiju.

“Do it, so I don’t have to do anymore shitty things. So I don’t have to listen to Prime Minister Shit-stain again Ajit Pai-le of crap and forget about my shitty career as a one off kaiju in some obscure show.” Kamagidon pleaded, a tear rolling down his singular, bulbous eye.

Shrek gave a saddened sigh and stood up. Much to the outlandish looking monster’s surprise, it wasn’t to kill him, but to reach into the sand and grab him by his shoulders, pulling up and getting him out of the sand. The ogre put him down and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Listen, I haven’t done things I’m proud of either. I have regrets like you do.” Shrek sighed. “I killed all of those monsters who invaded my home, but I really should have found another way instead of that. They’re dead because of me and I feel awful about it now, but we can move on from our mistakes and learn from them.”

Kamagidon looked at who he thought was his enemy and felt something he hadn’t felt in a long time; emotions that weren’t anger and self-inducing sorrow.

“I don’t want to kill you.” Shrek took his hand off the monster’s shoulder and put it in front of the kaiju. “You can join us and help take them down.”

Kamagidon just stared at the ogre’s hand, confused at first before realizing that being allies with a smelly ogre would still be better than listening to Shin.

“Sure.” Kamagidon put his scythe hand in Shrek’s. “Friend.”

For the first time in years, the odd looking monster smiled, causing Shrek to smile back and grab Kamagidon’s hand, shaking it was he suddenly started to wince, but held it back by smiling more, tears starting to form in his eyes.

Donkey wiped a tear from his eye, smiling as he saw Shrek turn their enemy into a friend.

“Shrek always knows how to say the right things,” Donkey said as he turned to Zandolla, who finally caught up to them.

Shrek and Kamagidon stopped shaking hands, the ogre patting the interesting looking monster on the back before wiping blood on his pants from the kaiju accidentally cutting his hand.

“What do we do now?” Kamagidon asked, looking at the horizon.

“Now, we take a ship.” Shrek said with confidence, turning to Zandolla.

“I know where they are! Follow me!” The drill headed Terror-Beast cried happily before running back into the building with the others following suit.

Shrek, Donkey, Kamagidon, and Zandolla with his blue carrier of babies ran down the hallway, punching any Garoga that tried to stop them, knocking them out. The group knew they had to hurry off the planet as fast as possible so these constant interruptions would stop annoying them.

“I wish these damn Garogans would leave us alone!” Shrek complained as he punched another one.

“I know,” Donkey started, “it’s almost like we invaded their planet—Oh wait…”

Shrek gave him a mad stare as he elbowed another alien. “We gotta hurry before—” Shrek was silenced by the presence of another.

“Stop right fucking there!” A very angsty voice called out to them, complete with a voice crack.

Shrek and the others turned around to see Godzilla Junior standing on the other side of the hallway, holding the Mothra Larva. With him were the remnants of Monster Island: Anguirus, Manda, Kumonga, Ebirah, Gorosaurus, Maguma, Owen the Ox, and Drake. Junior glared at the ogre, staring face to face with the one who killed his dad. The others were indifferent to him, but Junior didn’t care what they thought.

“You!” Godzilla Junior yelled towards Shrek. “You ruined my fucking life!”

Shrek just stared at the young one in confusion.

“I’m sorry. Have we met before?” The ogre asked.

This infuriated Junior, knowing that the one he’s hunted all day didn’t even know him or the pain he’s caused.

“You fucking killed my dad!” Godzilla Junior yelled in anger before charging at his enemy.

The young saurian kept running towards Shrek, ready to bash him with the Mothra Larva he used as a club. He couldn’t wait until he murdered his dad’s own murderer.

Shrek just stood there, waiting until Junior got close enough to him. Once he got within feet away from the ogre, he swung his hand at the green dinosaur, back handing him and sending Junior to the ground in a span of two seconds.

Godzilla Junior felt the sting of the bitchslap and felt tears forming in his eyes as his face started scrunching. Those tears rolled down his face and wouldn’t stop.

Shrek walked up to the young kaiju, standing on one knee as he stared him in the eye. “Stay down,” the ogre whispered before getting up and looking at the rest of the Remnants.

Donkey, Zandolla, and Kamagidon took battle stances, ready to fight as Shrek looked at the rest of the Monster Island residents.

“Well, are you gonna fight us or end up like him?” Shrek asked the opposing group, pointing at Junior for the last part.

Anguirus stepped forward, causing the ogre’s group to get more anxious.

“No.” The spiked saurian spoke up, “We don’t want any more trouble. It was only Junior who wanted you dead.”

Anguirus glared at the fallen radioactive Godzillasaurus child who was crying even more now, then he looked back at Shrek. The ogre’s allies were surprised at this turn of events and retracted their battle stances.

“We’d like to join you Shrek, we would have more of a chance surviving with someone of your strength.” Anguirus continued, walking up to the ogre as the others followed.

Godzilla Junior sniffled as he saw his only friends turn to the side he hated.

“Please don’t leave me.” The young monster begged, but the other kaiju ignored him.

The Mothra Larva suddenly sprang to life, crawling toward Shrek’s group.

“I’m free! I’m free!” The baby gleefully announced as she crawled toward Zandolla who picked the larva up, cradling her with his shovel hands.

“Aww, aren’t you cute? There’s enough room in here for you.” The drill monster said before putting the Mothra Larva in the carrier, fitting her between the other babies.

Shrek looked at Anguirus and offered a hand. The spiked dinosaur put his own hand [Paw?] in the ogre’s and shook it.

“We’re going to need a ship. I’m pretty sure there will be enough room for everyone on it.” Shrek said to the group.

Owen the Ox stepped forward, getting the ogre’s attention.

“Well, we don’t have to have a ship, I can teleport us back to Earth,” The ox offered with a smile on his face.

“That’s great, let’s do it,” Shrek happily accepted.

Owen the Ox took a few steps back, getting ready for the teleportation process. The group was finally going to go home and enjoy their internet, free of Garog—

Suddenly, the fiery remains of a helicopter crashed into the building and crashed into Owen the Ox.

“Ah come on!” Shrek complained as he saw the crashed scrap heap.

“Well, the junk will do,” Donkey said as he turned to the hall with the others following, walking away from the flaming wreck in the hall, but not before they recovered the unconscious Owen.

And the sobbing Godzilla Junior.



The Garoga Leader, Ajit Pai sat in his golden room, watching Game of Thrones. He shoved handfuls of popcorn in his mouth like a savage. The Golden Garoga smiled at watching one of his favorite shows in clear 4K resolution.

"I don't know why people are going to be so upset on not being able to watch their favorite shows," The Golden Garoga said to himself as he ate another handful of popcorn. "Oh, wait! They'll only be able to watch it in 144p," The evil alien said aloud as he then started to bawl with laughter while he turned to whoever reading this while throwing popcorn at the screen. (We did a fourth wall break! We're so clever!)

"Excuse me, sir," The Baron Garoga interrupted as he appeared on the monitor, gaining his leader's attention.

"What is it? I'm trying to watch my Game of Thrones while laughing at people's misery," The Golden Garoga whined.

"We received some troubling news. Both, Kamagidon and Zandolla have turned traitor and have allied themselves with the intruders," The red alien announced.

"Meh," was the only response the Golden Garoga gave; he didn't care where their loyalties lied. He then cracked open a smile since he had a feeling they were just jealous of him getting rid of Net Neutrality. If they did cry, then they would make fine additions to the pool of people's tears that he would often drink from with one of his many plastic jugs.

"And the intruders have stolen our control of the internet. We can't access it in any way," The Baron Garoga reported. Ajit Pai dropped his bag of popcorn on the ground. The Golden Garoga fumed while twitching his head violently.

"Uh, sir?" The Baron Garoga asked with concern for his leader as he watched him continuing to shake. Finally, the Golden Garoga screamed out at the top of his lungs, "FUCK!!!!!"

After his outburst, Ajit Pai turned to the screen, with a look of anger. "Unleash Project: Fusion. Now!" he barked.

"Sir..... the experiments aren't ready yet. If we release them now, they won't function to their full potential," The Baron Garoga tried to reason, but his attempt was fruitless.

"I don't care! I want them out now, or else you'll be on the chopping block!" The Golden Garoga threatened.

The Baron Garoga could only sigh. "As you wish, my lord."

(Somewhere in here there's a metaphor about rushing stuff.)



Shrek and his rag tag group of heroes, which now consisted of the Monster Island Remnant, ran into the main complex of the Garoga base. They all had the same goal in mind, and that was to escape. They looked at the variety of doors that surrounded them, trying to figure out which one to go through when Zandolla pointed to the one on the far left.

The group, without any hesitation, ran to the door as they then entered the large white hallway with black flooring. (Wow! It's like the author or authors were really lazy to do anything else with the Garoga base..... or they just wanted to make it similar to the interior of the Death Star.) Shrek and his friends continue to run down the hallways when they heard static going through the speakers set up all around the base.

The group stopped when they heard a crazy sounding voice. "Hello?! Hello?!" The crazy man on the speaker asked as if he was trying to see if anyone could hear him, but none the less he continued. "For far too long you have oppressed my people and I, to the point of extinction. I, as the last the Peacelander will get my last laugh by making you, the Garogas, feel what it’s like to lose everything!"

"What the hell is this jackass talking about?" Shrek inquired as he turned to Donkey and the kaiju to see if they knew anything. Both Donkey and Kamagidon shrugged their shoulders while Anguirus put one of his hands up to his chin in a thinking position.

"Wait, that can't be."

"The people of Earth will know who destroyed the evil Garogas! Me, Zone Fighter! I have rigged this planet to blow up in matter of minutes by planting explosives on several core systems. And shortly after the people of Earth will share the same fate as of all you allowing this injustice to go on!" The Peacelander alien (Yeah, totally peaceful!) shouted out as he then let out a horde of crazy cries, yells, and screams that were unintelligible to any sane person.

"You've got to be kidding me," Anguirus groaned while he facepalmed himself.

"Then we can't waste any time then," Shrek said as he put his fists together. "We'll just take the rocket and hope he perishes on the planet.

"Sounds like a plan, but I'm worried we'll have to be stuck in constant firefights with the Garogas," Donkey pointed out.

"That would really suck! None of us want anything else to be drawn out!" Kumonga complained at the thought of having to get into anymore fight while they ran into the next room, which was another circular room.

Doors all around them opened up simultaneously, making the group huddle into a defensive circle, expecting the worse. Before they can do anything, hordes of Garogas ran out extremely fast, but it wasn't what they expected. They didn't have looks of anger, but faces of fear as they started to scream at the top of their lungs.

"Move! Move!" One Garoga screamed out while holding onto a box of supplies.

"Get the fuck out of me way!" Another Garoga yelled out, pushing past the kaiju.

Shrek, Donkey, and the kaiju watched as they saw the crowd of aliens run past them in fear, still screaming at the top of their lungs. "What a relief!" Ebirah joyfully said.

"Let's get a move on then," Shrek commanded, but before they could do so, the giant bird Shrek and Donkey encountered from earlier ran past them. Before it ran out of the room it turned its head back at them, making everyone stay still as they were frozen. It wasn't out of fear, but of curiosity for the unknown as they had no idea what the bird was truly capable of.

"You still didn't fucking see anything!" The bird yelled out with the same demonic voice as before. Then the winged animal ran off, never to be seen again.

Everyone remaining in the room again shrugged their shoulders as they then made a beeline for their ticket out of the planet. Zandolla continued to lead their group to salvation, when they were charging up to the one-sixty-fourth door. Before the Terror-Beast could open it himself, the massive door opened up to reveal four creations that no one thought were possible.

Shrek, Donkey, Zandolla, the Monster Island Remnant, and even Kamagidon couldn't believe their eyes on what stood before them. The creatures stared at them in a way that was all too similar as a lion looked at its prey.

"Baragon...." Gorosaurus called out in confusion, noticing one of the creatures resembled his old friend, but with a horn on his forehead that resembled a narwhal and two tusks coming out of his mouth. The creature snarled at him, forcing the allosaur to back away, but kept his distance.

The group looked at the next monster that looked extremely similar to Ebirah except the monstrosity had wings.

"How is this possible?" Manda asked as Ebirah spoke up. "Someone must have gotten a hold of my claws when I lost them in nineteen-sixty-six, because I don't recall there being another Ebirah."

Then an all too familiar roar to the Monster Island Remnant was unleashed. They noticed a Godzilla like creature, but with King Ghidorah heads as arms and wings on its back that resembled Battra's. Finally, they noticed another creature that looked exactly like one of them. Anguirus nearly fainted at seeing himself on the top half of the creature's body and the bottom half belonging to Bemular.

Project: Fusion





{Editor’s Note: Should be noted that this conflicts with what’s on the card; well my response is F—}

Before anyone could speak, Maguma screamed out "Holy fuck! There's more of them? I thought the lion was the only thing! This is terrible! What are we going to do? What are we doing?” The walrus was now panicking at the sight of the monstrosities that stood in front of them. Ebirah raised one of his claws up in the air and slapped his friend across the friend, calming him down.

"Thanks, but you ever do that again and you're turning into a five-star meal," Maguma thanked and threatened his friend at the same time.

Shrek looked at his best friend and Kamagidon as they both nodded to him. "We'll handle this."

"I know another way to get to the ship, we'll meet you there," Zandolla announced as he began leading the Monster Island Remnant away from the upcoming fight.

"Keep the ship warm," Shrek ordered.

The two teams stared at each other for a few moments, waiting for the other to strike. As if they reached a consensus they charged at each other to start an awesome fight.



Zandolla led the others into the hanger where the orange and white rocket sat when it landed. "There's our ticket out of here, boys," The Terror-Beast announced.

"You sure we'll all fit in there?" Manda asked. Zandolla turned to the serpent. "Well, if we don't then we're going to have to make room."

The kaiju made their way towards the space fairing vehicle when they heard a very familiar scream. They turn around to see a Zone Fighter walking towards them, hunched over with his arms out forward with the intent of violently grabbing someone. What disturbed the group of kaiju even more was that the last Peacelander drooling out of his mouth.

"Where do you think all of you are going?" Zone Fighter snarled, making all the kaiju take a few steps back.

"Just going to inspect the rocket before the big boom happens," Gorosaurus answered at the top of his head.

"Oh...." Zone Fighter simply uttered out before continuing, "It looks like you're all trying to escape and we can't allow that to happen."

"No! No!" Kumonga yelled out with fear in his voice as he raised his tendrils up in defense while they all backed up even more. "It's not that. We're just here to take the rocket for a good look of the planet exploding before we're consumed by the explosion."

"I guess that makes sense. I'll allow it," Zone Fighter then stood up like any regular person, or kaiju, which gave the kaiju some relief. "So long as you let me put you all in the airlock!"

The Peacelander went back to his hunchbacked state as he snarled towards them yet again. The kaiju back up even more, terrified at how maniacal Zone Fighter was acting when Zandolla slammed his fists together.

"That does it!" The Terror-Beast yelled out angrily as he began taking off the baby carrier. "Someone hold my babies because I've had it with this Ultraman knock off!"

"Knock off? I'm no knock off you Z-Tier kaiju!" Zone Fighter roared out as he got into a battle stance.

Drake took a hold of the babies and simply cooed "My girlfriend would love to see you guys. You're just so cute."

Without wasting anytime, the two foes charged at each other, with Zandolla sending his shovel hands onto Zone Fighter's head. This made the Peacelander stumble as the Terror-Beast walked towards. Right away blood came out of Zone Fighter's head as the Peacelander put his finger on the wound and saw the liquid on his finger.

Before Zandolla knew it, Zone Fighter licked the blood off of his finger. "Tasty!" This gave the Terror-Beast pause as he grew a look of sickness, if anyone could ever see it. "That's disgusting."

"But delicious for me and it'll be even more tasty when I devour you and your friends!" Zone Fighter announced as he then licked his lips.

"I preferred it when you were just a jackass," Zandolla simply replied as he delivered a kick to his mortal enemy's chest, making him take a few steps back.

"I would have loved it if you still had fear in you. Fear adds spice!" Zone Fighter fired his Meteor Proton Beam at Zandolla, knocking him down on his back. The Peacelander smiled with delight as he began to giggle while skipping towards his meal when a voice was heard.

"Zandolla, you traitor!" The Golden Garoga walked into the hanger, with a hilt in his hand. "You think you can just steal the internet from me and get away with it?!"

Zandolla weakly turned his head to his former leader as the Garoga Leader continued, "Think again!" Ajit Pai activated his lightsaber with a green blade erupting from the handle.

"I have the green blade since I'm the hero in all of this. Freeing everyone from the evil Net Neutrality! I will live on and tell everyone how I saved everyone from the evil forces of Shrek! I will....." The Golden Garoga was interrupted by the crazed Zone Fighter, forcing him to drop his lightsaber.

"What the hell?" Ajit Pai screamed out in shock to seeing The Peacelander on him.

"I never tried Garoga before. I bet you taste mighty taste," Zone Fighter snarled as he then licked his lips.

Before Ajit Pai could say anything, Zone Fighter dug his hands into the Golden Garoga's torso, eliciting a painful scream, one that echoed into the kaiju's ears. The Peacelander ripped out the kidneys, all three of them and went for the ribcage.

Anguirus, Gorosaurus, and Manda vomited as they continued to watch the bloody murder that unfolded in front of them. Zandolla weakly got up, not only from the beam he took, but from horror unfolding before him.

The next thing they saw was Zone Fighter ripping out Pai's ribcage like ripping a weed out of the ground. Zandolla looked at his newfound friends and motioned for them to get on the rocket, while he followed shortly.

Ajit Pai looked at Zone Fighter with contempt. "Choke on them!" was the last phrase he could muster.

The Peacelander continued to rip the leader apart while he maniacally laughed. Zone Fighter soon stopped his disgusting mauling of the Garoga when he heard something shut. He turned around to see the rocket door shut and the kaiju looking through the window.

Zone Fighter let out a banshee like scream and ran at the rocket. Right away, he began banging on the door while screaming out "Let me in! Let me in! I'm going to rip you apart with my bare hands!"

All the kaiju could do was sit in the rocket and watch while they watched their attempted murderer try to break. They all simultaneously began to cry as they hoped Shrek would arrive soon and save them from this monster.



All of a sudden, Shrek ran at Bemguirus, Donkey charged towards Flying Ebirah and Sea Baragon, and Kamagidon rushed to King Godzilla. Each one of them in the air about to attack each other, but a weird freeze frame stopped them for a moment like a lot of action movies do now. [Thanks a lot 300!]

Then Shrek punched Bemguirus in the face, Donkey jackass kicked Flying Ebirah into Sea Baragon, and Kamagidon slapped King Godzilla in the face with his scythe, breaking the freeze frame.

The Godzilla hybrid shot out Gravity Beams at Kamagidon. While some missed, others found their mark on the strange looking monster, sending him staggering back before clanging his scythes together, sending a volley of missiles at King Godzilla. The weapons explode against its hide, the mighty chimera roaring in pain before flying towards Kamagidon, trying to slam its bulk into him.

Kamagidon evaded however and brought his scythe down onto the mutant’s foot, slicing into it and cutting it like butter, causing it to cry out in agony.

King Godzilla then turned around and shot the not as weird looking monster with its atomic breath, causing him to yell in pain as it singed his chest. The Godzilla mutant shot another round of Gravity Beams at Kamagidon, but the kaiju put his scythe hands up, catching the blasts and absorbed them. The strange monster looked at his scythes in confusion, but didn’t have time to question it as King Godzilla was flying towards him, ready to knock him over.

Kamagidon quickly brought his scythe up and hit King Godzilla in the shoulder with it, but instead of slicing into its body, the Godzilla hybrid’s shoulder exploded, sending chunks of flesh flying. The odd looking monster looked at the writhing hybrid then back at his hands in surprise. He had forgotten he could use this ability.

King Godzilla then got to its feet, looking at Kamagidon, regenerating his shoulder quickly. Kamagidon knew that he had to work fast to kill this beast. The strange monster raised his scythe hand and brought it down one of the Ghidorah heads, still charged with electricity, the head detonated, sending red liquid spurting out of the stump, causing the hybrid to roar out in pain. King Godzilla tried to regenerate it back, but the rest of the neck got easily cut down.

Kamagidon took his advantage and sliced the other Ghidorah neck off, the appendage wiggling about and crying in agony before dying.

“Goodbye fuck-o!” Kamagidon said before stabbing King Godzilla’s head with his electric charged scythe, causing it to explode, more red blood flying around the area.

Kamagidon was about to walk away from the corpse, but a wailing roar was heard from it. Suddenly, Biollante’s head burst from the Godzilla head stump, flying up in the air before slamming its bulk into Kamagidon, knocking the centaur-esque kaiju back and then biting his top half, managing to spill blood in its mouth.

Donkey got punched in the face by Sea Baragon, causing him to yelp in pain before turning back to the monstrosity and quickly headbutting it, sending it flying back and hitting a rail, denting it. As soon as his ally was sent back, Flying Ebirah swooped in and attempted to catch the small mammal in its pincers, but Donkey leapt out of the way, causing the hybrid to slam itself face first into a sign, paying more attention to its opponent than its surroundings.

Donkey then ran over to the flying lobster […Or shrimp? Or who cares?] as it fell to the ground and bit down on one of its legs, pulling up and easily tearing it off, the hybrid screeching in pain before turning around and slapping the donkey in the face with its claw.

Donkey recoiled back, but quickly recovered as he leapt forward and bit Flying Ebirah’s face before shaking it like a ragdoll, causing the flying sea creature to screech in pain as it hit its opponent’s hide. The tenacious equine held through, however, and threw Flying Ebirah to the side.

A breaking sound was heard before Donkey turned and saw Flying Ebirah skewered on a then approaching Sea Baragon’s horn, stunning the hybrid. Flying Ebirah was killed instantly.

Sea Baragon took the corpse of its ally and pulled it off its horn before tossing it aside. The hybrid monster roared at its opponent and charged at him. Donkey let out a battle cry of his own and ran at the horned creature. The hairy quadruped expected to headbutt it, but Sea Baragon sent a punch at the last second, flinging Donkey to the side with a crash.

Donkey nearly struggled to get up, but managed to do so. The animal looked beside him, seeing that he was next to a ledge, taking notice that under them was a factory of some sort. He had one shot at this and he had to make it now as he saw the advancing Sea Baragon.

Donkey readied himself, waiting for the hybrid to get closer. As Sea Baragon began to approach him, Donkey quickly shifted to the side, causing the horned creature to keep moving forward. It would have just stopped and followed its adversary, but Donkey used his back legs to kick Sea Baragon off of the ledge, sending it falling down to the conveyer belts below. The moving platform moved the hybrid to a machine; a terrible roar was heard before it suddenly ceased.

Out of the machine, a metal box with a Gogurt Zilla label rolled out on the conveyor belt.

Donkey took a sigh of relief and took a few steps forward to help his friends before noticing the dead body of Flying Ebirah. Licking his lips, he took the corpse in his mouth and dragged it over to the side.

Kamagidon tried bashing King Godzilla’s sides with his scythes to get the fusion monster to let go of him, but it was no use, the jaws of the beast were too strong. The bizarre monster attempted to pry King Godzilla’s jaws open, but they were clamping down too hard.

Kamagidon thought he was doomed until King Godzilla was sent flying back, hitting a railing. The weird kaiju looked to his side to see Donkey with a proud smile on his face.

“Thanks, jackass!” Kamagidon joked.

“You’re welcome… whatever you are.” Donkey said back before turning his attention back to the hybrid.

King Godzilla roared at the two, using its wings to fly towards them. Kamagidon knew what had to be done and jumped up towards the hybrid, sinking his now un-electrified scythes into King Godzilla’s neck and shoulder. The hybrid roared out as it tried to get a hold of the weird looking monster.

Kamagidon pulled his lower half up, lining it up with his target and made an exact shot.

The triceratops head stabbed its horns into King Godzilla’s heart.

The hybrid monster roared in pain as it was stabbed, losing control of its flight and crashing down to the ground. Kamagidon quickly pulled his weapons out of the beast and kicked himself off, letting the monster fly down to the factory and cause an explosion, damaging the Gogurt Zilla machines.

Kamagidon conveniently landed back on the platform they were on. Sighing in content as he finally beat that thing.

“How’d you do that without breaking any bone in your body?” Donkey asked as he went beside his ally.

“I don’t know.” Kamagidon shrugged.

Suddenly, the two saw Shrek rolling on the ground before quickly getting back up. The ogre then ran back to Bemguirus, punching the fusion in the face and knocking some teeth out. Bemguirus roared in pain before firing a blue heat beam at his opponent, scorching his shirt and causing him to let out a grunt of pain. Shrek then threw an onion at the hybrid’s face.

To Shrek’s surprise, Bemguirus caught the vegetable in its mouth and chomped down on it, devouring the onion without dying like the others.

“I see you’re a man of culture. Too bad I gotta kick your ass!” Shrek said before sending a fist towards the chimera’s way.

Bemguirus would have been punched in the gut, but the crazy looking creature quickly turned around, causing the fist to hit its spiky carapace, causing the ogre to yell out in agony. Bemguirus took this opportunity to smack Shrek with its tail, sending him flying sideways. The fusion licked its lips as it walked towards the ogre, ready to finish the job. Shrek looked up and saw Bemguirus getting closer and closer.

The ogre was about to reach for his sword, ready to stab the beast, but the hybrid grabbed it before roaring in Shrek’s face. All hope for the ogre seemed lost

Suddenly though, Kamagidon stabbed Bemguirus in the shoulder with his scythe hand, causing the hybrid to roar in pain before turning around and blasting the odd monster in the chest with its beam, sending him skidding back, taking a chunk of flesh with him.

Donkey then headbutted the monstrosity in the side, causing it to fall over, getting on its back as it struggled to get up. Shrek looked at his friends, smiling and nodding in approval at their bravery.

“Time to put an end to this!” Shrek said as he got up and walked towards Bemguirus, pulling his sword up, ready to stab the squirming beast in the chest.

Unfortunately though, the chimera quickly rolled itself into a spiky ball, causing the sword to harmlessly ting on the surface. Shrek looked at the ball in confusion before it rolled forward, knocking the ogre off his feet, causing him to yell in pain.

Kamagidon readied himself, preparing to hit the ball, but the curled up hybrid bounced up and slammed into the kaiju’s mono-eyed face, causing him to roar in pain as he also hit the ground. Donkey jumped over the rolling ball, turning around as it rolled forward again. Instead of knocking the mammal down like the rest, Donkey kicked the spiky ball with his back legs, causing it to go flying towards a wall.

Bemguirus unfolded itself, its head on the ground and legs on the wall, dazed by the attack.

Shrek, Kamagidon, and Donkey approached the fallen hybrid, ready to deal the finishing blow.

“No no no! Don’t do it!” Bemguirus begged as it stood back up, stumbling a little.

“Too bad.” Kamagidon said as he brought his scythes closer to the hybrid.

“Well at least it would be an honorable death.” Bemguirus politely said, having a completely different voice and personality.

“Uh, ok.” Donkey said as he looked at the hybrid in confusion.

“No! That would suck! I don’t wanna die!” Bemguirus whined before slapping Kamagidon’s scythes. “I still fight ba—No I can’t!” The chimera cried, tears streaming down its face. The trio gave it weird looks, not sure what was going on.

“Alright, I’m just gonna kill you now.” Shrek said, aiming his sword at the hybrid.

“No don’t!” Bemguirus begged before firing its heat ray at the ogre, hitting his hand and causing him to drop his weapon.

“Son of a—” As Shrek complained about his hand getting burnt, Bemguirus started shaking violently.

The hybrid continued this shaking, both voices screaming as its eyes widened, even popping out of their sockets before going back in. Its arms flailed about and its legs moved forward, causing the trio to back away, Shrek having grabbed his sword off the ground.

“Help. Me.” Bemguirus pleaded before exploding in a shower of blood and guts, covering the area and our heroes.

The three just stood there, shocked at what happened, not knowing what to make of it.

“What was that?!” Shrek finally asked, staring at the pile of goop that was Bemguirus.

“He probably died because he wasn’t complete. I remember Ajit Pai going on about it before.” Kamagidon explained, causing Shrek to hum in interest. Donkey then walked away from the others before coming back with the corpse of Flying Ebirah.

“Can’t forget supper!” The mammal proclaimed happily, earning a pat on the head from Shrek.

“Nice thinking Donkey.” Shrek complimented before walking forward. “Now let’s go to that ship!”



The three arrived in the hanger as they then heard an announcement. "T-Minus thirty seconds ‘till detonation."

The three didn't need to say anything as they made a beeline towards the rocket. The crazed Zone Fighter stopped banging on the doors and faced the group running towards him. Zone Fighter licked his lips at the diversity of food that ran towards him. The Peacelander charged towards them, when Shrek, still running, noticed the lightsaber sitting next to the gory remains of Ajit Pai. Without thinking, Shrek willed the lightsaber to himself and activated it, with a green blade coming out. The Ogre smirked as he charged the running Zone Fighter, whom was waving his tongue, hungrily.

Shrek held the lightsaber with both hands as he swung the blade down towards the lower half of his legs. Before Zone Fighter could even notice what the ogre was planning, he felt a burning pain. The Peacelander noticed himself crashing onto the floor, landing on his stomach. He looked back to see that his legs were gone and seeing Donkey and Kamagidon boarding the rocket. Zone Fighter let out a howl of both anger and pain. He then started crawling towards the ship, with Shrek effortlessly kicking him in the head, sending him back a few feet.

Shrek ran into the rocket. "Punch it!" The ogre yelled out as Zandolla and Maguma hit the buttons. The vessel roared to life and the jets fired up as it started to hover and shortly after, flew out of the hanger and towards the stars.

Everyone was on edge on whether they would make it or not when they then saw the Garoga home world starting to erupt. Their eyes widen at the devastating effect the bombs had on the whole planet. Explosions occurred on every corner as the planet was starting to rip apart. Cracks could be seen appearing from the ship with fire pouring out of the sources.

Shrek turned to Zandolla with concern. "Are we going to make it?"

"We should be, we just need to hold out for a little longer and....." Zandolla tried to answer when a loud thump was heard on the outside of the ship.

"What the hell was that?" Gorosaurus screamed out while jumping into Kamagidon's arms, or scythes. The mutant like monster just looked at him annoyed as he then dropped him. "Ow," Gorosaurus whined.

"Shit, shit!" Zandolla panicky yelled out while pressing as many buttons as fast as he can to counteract whatever is happening to the ship.

"What is it?" Everyone simultaneously questioned, like a chorus.

"The ship is carrying too much weight, we're being pulled back to whatever is left of the planet's gravitational pull. We need to lose some weight," Zandolla answered.

Everyone looked at Shrek, making the ogre to look at them with disapproval. "Oh like I'm the only one! All of you are guilty too!" Shrek pointed out.

"See if there's anything expendable for us to throw out!" Zandolla commanded, with fear in his voice over how everything they've just down was about to be fruitless.

Everyone nodded to each other and went to find stuff they can throw out when they heard an eerie voice. One that would give anyone chills and one that was yet again all too familiar.

"I'm back!" A crazed sounding voice announced. Before the crew of the rocket could do anything, the door was ripped open to reveal the crazed Zone Fighter hanging on. (Why the hell couldn't he have just done that before! Fucking shit story telling this is!)

Shrek, Donkey, and the kaiju felt themselves losing their composure as the vast vacuum of space was starting to suck them out. The kaiju attempted to hang on to something, but were ineffective. They felt themselves flying towards the vacuum of space and worst of all; Zone Fighter.

Fortunately for everyone, Kumonga sprayed himself down with web to make him stick to the floor. Then, one by one the giant spider sprayed his allies into sticking to their respective positions. Unfortunately, the spider couldn't reach Donkey in time as the jackass was sucked towards the outside of the rocket. Before space could claim Donkey, he was grabbed by Zone Fighter who let out a howl of delight at the meal he caught.

"Shrek! Shrek!" Donkey cried out as Shrek noticed his friend in danger.

The ogre, fearful of losing his friend raced out as fast he could by grabbing a hold of each thing to prevent him from being sucked out. (You can fucking fly, ah forget it! There's no point in trying to reason with this trilogy at this point!) Shrek moved himself by grabbing pipes and handles to keep himself secured until he got to Donkey.

Shrek moved his right hand towards Donkey, grabbing his hoof and tried to pull him in, but combined by space and Zone Fighter still holding on, it was impossible.

"I always wondered what ass tastes like!" Zone Fighter delightfully said, with hunger still in his eyes, terrifying both Donkey and Shrek at his disgusting comment.

"Donkey, kick him!" Shrek ordered as Donkey did what he was told and began kicking the Peacelander. The mammal landed a kick on Zone Fighter's left eye causing him to howl in pain as his eye was bleeding profusely and to the point where it permanently blinded him. However, that didn't stop as Zone Fighter continued holding on. Both Shrek and Donkey continued to get him off of him, but no matter what they tried, nothing worked.

That is until Donkey thought of something. "Shrek!" Donkey called out.

"Can it wait till I get you out of this mess and have that delicious lobster?" Shrek tugged harder on his friend, but still failing at doing so.



"Let me go," Donkey said nonchalantly, stunning Shrek.

"Wha—what?" Shrek asked.

"Let me go. It's the only way all of you can escape," Donkey explained.

Shrek stared blankly at his friend, he was baffled on how his friend, his brother in arms could suggest something like that. "Donkey.... you can't."

"Shrek it's the only way! If you don't let me go then we're all going to die! I rather it be only me instead of all us," Donkey reasoned, trying to get his friend to let go so they can live.

"There's no Shrek without Donkey!" Shrek cried out.

"You know what has to be done," Donkey said.

Shrek took a deep breath as he realized Donkey was right. He closed his eyes momentarily as all the memories he had of Donkey flashed in his head. Their first time meeting, their many adventures, their many laughs, and their huge fight with the vast army of kaiju.

"I'm sorry," Shrek said, sadness overtaking his face.

"I know and it ain't your fault, Shrek. You always do the right thing, and you will always be my friend," Donkey said, a tear coming out of his eye.

Shrek closed his eyes for a brief second. He opened them back up as he saw Donkey and Zone Fighter floating away from the rocket and towards the dying planet. The ogre looked down at his now empty hand and back to his friend getting more and more distance from them. He watched his friend float away until he consumed by the exploding.

Shrek turned away from the planet and back into the hull of the ship. Kumonga spat web to cover it up, thus restoring the status of the ship back to normal.

Everyone turned their attention to the ogre who had his face looking down. Remorse overtook them; not only losing their friend, but the one who saved them all. What seemed to be hours of silence halted when Kamagidon stepped forward and put his scythe on the ogre's shoulder.

"Shrek.... I don't know what to say.... I'm sorry," Kamagidon tried to comfort his new friend.

Shrek gave him brief look of sadness and replied quietly. "Yeah."

The ogre walked past all the kaiju as he sat at one the chairs, staring at the stars, lost in thought at the events that just transpired while the rocket flew them back towards Earth.


Prime Minister Shin's Office

Prime Minister Shin sat in his chair, going on his Tweeter, yet again. The charred Godzilla looked up for a moment in thought before he speaking out. "I wonder if what's his face killed him? I shouldn't worry; the forces of Shin Godzilla always win, because we're fantastic."

The Prime Minister went back to typing when the landline went off. Shin Godzilla rolled his eyes as he struggled to pick it up with his tiny hands. Soon enough, the ugly kaiju put the phone next to him and answered. "What do you want? I have important business to conduct."

"Uh, sir, about the internet plan with the Garogas," The voice on the other line said.

"Oh that! How's that going? I assume amazing, like all of my other plans."

There was long pause before the agent responded. "The Garogas are dead and their planet has been destroyed."

Shin dropped his cell phone while his eyes widen. "Wha.... what?"

"I don't know if they're any survivors, but they're most likely all gone. I'm sorry," The voice said sorrowfully.

"I don't care about the Garogas! Fuck them! Are the plans for the internet okay?" Shin Godzilla asked concern over his massive fortune from the deal being lost.

"I..... Shrek and his allies have them. They now control the internet and it looks like it'll go back to the way it was when Net Neutrality was around."

Prime Minister Shin Godzilla dropped the phone. His left eye started to twitch as he then slowly opened up his mouth. "Goddamnit!" Shin Godzilla roared out, showing emotion; albeit a stock roar, which sounded extremely terrible.

Shin Godzilla stopped his roaring only to see two staff members looking at him from the doorway. The Prime Minister looked at them angrily, but grew a worried look as he realized they would potentially tell on him for showing emotion. Shin Godzilla couldn't have that happen as it would cause everyone to view him as a hypocrite. (Oh yeah, people already don't view you as a hypocrite! You keep it up! You're doing fine, asshole.)

Before the employees could do anything, Shin Godzilla fired a purple atomic ray at the two, completely incinerating them.

The Prime Minister huffed for a few second before he looked up. "I've had enough with this green terrorist. I'm declaring not only war against Shrek, but changing the nation of Toho into a dictatorship."


Shrek’s Swamp

Every one of Shrek’s friends stood around the swamp. Not just his older friends, but his new ones too. Zandolla, the Monster Island Remnants, and Kamagidon stood with him.

In the middle of the swamp was a rock with a picture of Donkey on it and written on the stone was “Rest in Peace Donkey. A loyal friend, a funny animal, and a good waffle maker. 1990-2017.”

Shrek sighed as he remembered all the good times he had with his best friend and now he was gone. Kamagidon put his scythe hand on the ogre’s shoulder, causing him to look at the strange looking monster.

“If you ever need anything Shrek, I’ll be here.” Kamagidon said, earning a nod from the green ogre.

“I need to make the Prime Minister pay for this. Not just what happened to Donkey though, but for everything he’s done.” Shrek said with pain in his voice as it sounded as if he was about to cry.

More of his friends got closer to him, putting their hands on the ogre in comfort.

“We can help you with that Shrek.” Anguirus assured. “We’ll be more than grateful to take out the real one who caused the deaths of our friends.

“Thank you all.” Shrek said as tears rolled down his cheeks, putting his large arms around most of his friends as they group hugged.

The group all stared at the sun set that closed this hectic day out. They knew that this wasn’t the end though, the war had just begun. It wouldn’t be an easy task and they wondered if they’ll be victorious, but a spark of hope would be able to light the fire to burn the Prime Minister down.

[Yes I did quote The Last Jedi, I really like that quote.]



Credits time!

Writers of this piece of shit: Alex Williams and Joseph Steinard Jr. (Basically just hack frauds.)

Edited by KaijuX. (An unwilling participant.)

Banner(s) created by Soulgodzilla. (Also an unwilling participant.)

Music provided by a bunch of people we stole...... just to create more emotion for this thing or something.

And your reward for reading this really long thing........

THE WINNER--

Spoiler:

Is an after credits scene!

Everyone: Ah fuck!


Post-Credits

"Where the fuck am I?!" Junior roared out as he found himself lying on a hospital bed. The Godzillasaur weakly got up while continuing to string curses. He looked at himself in the mirror and noticed massive scars and burns on his body.

"What the fuck?! I look like a fucking freak like those people I make fun of when I see them on TV!" Godzilla Junior yelled out in disgust, seeing his reflection.

The adolescent Godzillasaur surveyed his surroundings to find himself in a dark room with a few lights in them. "I like it, as it's edgy as fuck. But seriously, where the fuck am I?!"

"You're in a safe place now, I'm here to help," A voice answered, with Godzilla Junior turning around to see a similarly scarred version of him, but yet different.

"Who the fuck are you?!" Godzilla Jr. snarled, readying to fight someone.

"A potential friend, but you may refer to me as God Emperor Shin Godzilla."

"Like hell I am!" Godzilla Jr. angrily roared out as he got ready to fight the equally ugly Godzilla.

"You and I both want Shrek dead, because he's ruining this great nation of Toho," Shin Godzilla simply said.

Godzilla Jr. stopped in his tracks. "I'm listening."

"We're going to destroy Shrek and everyone who stands with him and I need willing allies to help me."

"You don't need to convince me, you old fuck. I'll fucking rip his intestines out and play jump rope with them!" Godzilla Junior yelled out with delight.

"I appreciate your willingness to help, but tone down the edge. It's annoying and also, put this on," Shin Godzilla ordered as he then threw pieces of clothing on him, confusing the younger kaiju.

"What the fuck is this?" Godzilla Junior asked while observing the equipment.

"It's an upgrade and also to cover your ugly appearance," Shin Godzilla answered as he looked away from the kaiju in disgust.

"Look who's talking," Godzilla Junior replied while putting the stuff.

God Emperor Shin Godzilla turned around to look at Godzilla Junior now clad in all black. "What do you think of your upgrades?"

"I..... fucking love it!" Godzilla Junior yelled out through the Kylo Ren mask that was now on his face. The adolescent was now decked in all black clothing, very similar to the edgelord in the new Star Wars trilogy.

"And I love this one, most of all," Godzilla Junior announced as he lifted his tail up and transformed into a red cross-guard lightsaber.

"That's what I love to hear. Everything that's made by me or my hundreds of businesses are always high quality. Even Shin hotdogs," Shin Godzilla replied, with his typical arrogance.

Godzilla Junior continued to adore his new look when God Emperor Shin Godzilla then walked up to him. "Come with me, there's something else I'm going to show you."

"For what you provided me, you can show me whatever the fuck you want," Godzilla Junior obeyed his new leader's command as he followed him out of the room and into the equally dark hallway. The younger kaiju couldn't help, but love the decoration of the structure of the building. It was dark and empty, just like his soul.

The two entered another room, which was also dark, but with a large window, overlooking something. The two Godzilla walked forward only to see a large, green menace that was all too familiar to Godzilla Jr. One that made him extremely angry.

He turned to Shin Godzilla and screamed out, "What the fuck is the meaning of all of this?!"

"Don't yell at me. I don't like it when people show emotion, you're going to need to be a team player, so don't do stuff like that again. But to answer your question, it's just something that's going to assist us in winning the war." God Emperor Shin Godzilla answered.

"Godzilla Junior, I introduce you to Mecha-Shrek," God Emperor Shin Godzilla announced.

Spoiler:

WINNER:
Thy Lord Shrek {Editor’s Note: I’ll be back… Next time. }

[KaijuX]

Happy New Years Eve, everyone! May everyone have a chance to enjoy the last moments of 2017--and into the future of 2018. To another year of KWCE!

[GodzillavsRayquaza]

First off, I got the joke with the match number(s).

Spoiler:

They spell out Shrek. 19 = S, 8 = H, 18 = R, 5 = E, and 11 = K

Next, where's the banner? I don't see any banner(s). Was there supposed to be one in the original post?

Anyway, the match itself was great. It was funny, I had a hearty chuckle quite a few times. I feel there was a few too many of the in paragraphs comments, some were good, but the ones that practically just explained a joke I didn't care for (Example, the paragraphs calling Shin out for being a hypocrite or asshole. The audience can piece that together themselves, and the jokes would work better that way.). But despite that, still enjoyed the match a lot.

I liked how the characters were written, Godzilla Junior and Zone Fighter were fucking hilarious.

Spoiler:

I wasn't expecting Kamagidon becoming a good guy, but I liked it. I also liked the twist with the fusion monsters showing up. Insert joke about subverting expectations here.

I don't quite know if I prefer this to the first Shrek match yet, but they're definitely close.

[GodzillavsZilla]

First off, I got the joke with the match number(s).

Spoiler:

They spell out Shrek. 19 = S, 8 = H, 18 = R, 5 = E, and 11 = K

Next, where's the banner? I don't see any banner(s). Was there supposed to be one in the original post?

Anyway, the match itself was great. It was funny, I had a hearty chuckle quite a few times. I feel there was a few too many of the in paragraphs comments, some were good, but the ones that practically just explained a joke I didn't care for (Example, the paragraphs calling Shin out for being a hypocrite or asshole. The audience can piece that together themselves, and the jokes would work better that way.). But despite that, still enjoyed the match a lot.

I liked how the characters were written, Godzilla Junior and Zone Fighter were skreeonking hilarious.

Spoiler:

I wasn't expecting Kamagidon becoming a good guy, but I liked it. I also liked the twist with the fusion monsters showing up. Insert joke about subverting expectations here.

I don't quite know if I prefer this to the first Shrek match yet, but they're definitely close.

Thanks man, I'm really glad you enjoyed it. I had a lot of fun writing Godzilla Junior and a few of the fights (I also came up with the match number )

Spoiler:

Originally it was going to be 069.2, but at the last minute I thought of the current number.

[KaijuX]

Next, where's the banner? I don't see any banner(s). Was there supposed to be one in the original post?

Kinda prefer for soulgodzilla to post the banner(s) in the thread. But hey, glad you enjoyed the match overall!

[soulgodzilla]

[GodzillavsJason]

First off, I got the joke with the match number(s).

Spoiler:

They spell out Shrek. 19 = S, 8 = H, 18 = R, 5 = E, and 11 = K

Next, where's the banner? I don't see any banner(s). Was there supposed to be one in the original post?

Anyway, the match itself was great. It was funny, I had a hearty chuckle quite a few times. I feel there was a few too many of the in paragraphs comments, some were good, but the ones that practically just explained a joke I didn't care for (Example, the paragraphs calling Shin out for being a hypocrite or asshole. The audience can piece that together themselves, and the jokes would work better that way.). But despite that, still enjoyed the match a lot.

I liked how the characters were written, Godzilla Junior and Zone Fighter were fucking hilarious.

Spoiler:

I wasn't expecting Kamagidon becoming a good guy, but I liked it. I also liked the twist with the fusion monsters showing up. Insert joke about subverting expectations here.

I don't quite know if I prefer this to the first Shrek match yet, but they're definitely close.

Thank you kindly. I'm glad you liked what GvZ and I did with this sequel.

As for the in comments, looking back now, I do agree that some were not needed.We do plan to address this in the third and final one of the trilogy, which I think people might get a good laugh out of. That was going to be addressed in this one, but due to time constraints and not finding a place for it feel right, it was removed. KaijuX, GvZ, and I will be talking about how that part will be integrated into the next story.

@Soulgodzilla.

Where's the other banner? The one with the sword?

[GodzillaFreak99]

......The fuck did I just read?

[GodzillavsJason]

......The fuck did I just read?

Something awesome.

[MechaGoji Bro7503]

I thank you Lord GodzillavsJason and Emperor soulgodzilla.

For my depression has been cured!

[KaijuX]

......The fuck did I just read?

Something awesome.

I'm just surprised he read it at all. Only teasing.

I thank you Lord GodzillavsJason and Emperor soulgodzilla.

Don't forget Master GodzillavsZilla.

For my depression has been cured!

Aww, look at that. Shrek has the healing touch... *goes to edits card* *not really*

[MechaGoji Bro7503]

I thank you Lord GodzillavsJason and Emperor soulgodzilla.

Don't forget Master GodzillavsZilla.

For my depression has been cured!

Aww, look at that. Shrek has the healing touch... *goes to edits card* *not really*

Forgive me Master!

[GodzillavsZilla]

I thank you Lord GodzillavsJason and Emperor soulgodzilla.

Don't forget Master GodzillavsZilla.

For my depression has been cured!

Aww, look at that. Shrek has the healing touch... *goes to edits card* *not really*

Forgive me Master!

You are forgiven... for now.

[GodzillavsJason]

I thank you Lord GodzillavsJason and Emperor soulgodzilla.

For my depression has been cured!

Thank you kind sir. I'm glad we're able to cure your depression.

[soulgodzilla]

I thank you Lord GodzillavsJason and Emperor soulgodzilla.

For my depression has been cured!

Always happy to cure you’re crippling conniptions.