(Just a short chapter for now.)
"I think that's the last of it," he called.
"Same here," Ubel said. "Daws? How're you and Tosaku holding up?"
Daws crawled out of a pile of ash-stricken rubble, coughing. "We're alright. The darn monkey's still alive though."
Ubel shook his head. "Darn it."
"Hey self!" Daws shouted. "We put the fire out!"
The screen displaying the real Daws' face popped up overhead. "Thanks guys. 165 will sure appreciate what you did."
Ubel looked back at the burnt wreckage of BotM. "I hope he gets well soon, 'cause this is going to need a bit of work."
"We're handling that," the real Daws said, tugging on the zipper of his blue sweatshirt. "Another writer joined in, so we'll rebuild this in no time."
"What about the rubble?" Tosaku asked, punctuating her question with a tiny sneeze.
The real Daws waved a hand. "Turkish Turd and Baklava are going to take care of that right...about...now."
With a loud rumble, the ground under the wreckage exploded. In the midst of it was a massive armored creature with a mouth full of man-sized teeth.
"Is that...Baklava?" Ubel asked.
Daws shook his head. "No, that's just the sandworm he and Turkish Turd keep as a pet."
Ubel raised an eyebrow. "Sandworm?"
"Turkish Turd is one of Daws' alter egos," Tosaku explained while pouring herself a mug of coffee. "He always thought that the people of the sands must feel free to wander, and Turd is a manifestation of his desire to also feel that way."
"But where does the sandworm come in?" Ubel asked, watching the giant invertebrate munch on the ruins of BotM contentedly.
"Well Daws has more information about Dune floating in his subconscious than he does about the actual Middle East, so Turd is actually a Fremen."
Ubel looked at the real Daws. "You're a nerd, you know that?"
"No carp," Tosaku muttered, pouring the coffee on her head.
A chibi version of Daws with utterly blue eyes jumped off the sandworm's back, followed by a short being that resembled a giant dust bunny with arms, legs, claws, and beady eyes.
"Hey Daws," the Fremen said. "You guys can go on ahead, we've got things here."
Daws nodded, smiling. "Thanks Turd." Then he looked to the dust bunny creature. "How're you doing Baklava?"
Baklava waved his arms in the air. "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAwabalawablawablaEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe!"
As he shouted incoherently, his arms began to spin wildly, sending him crashing into the few beams and pillars that were still standing.
"And there he goes," Hatter said.
Ubel shook his head. Am I on drugs?
Daws turned to the real Daws' screen. "So self, you neglect to mention where we're going next."
The real Daws pointed behind them. "Down that way you'll find a port. Get on the first boat you find."
"Where'll it take us?" Daws asked.
"I can't tell you."
"Because we must come into conflict."
The real Daws rolled his eyes. "Becaue it says in the title 'our heroes come into contact with the most suave and airheaded rouge in existence' which of course is me."
"No, actually it's me," Hatter said. "When you first said, 'I wish I was suave and cool, I was brought into existence."
"Hey pipe down Hat-hair," the real Daws said. "Otherwise I'll write your character as Mungo Jerry for the rest of the story."
Hatter went quiet.
"Look self, I can write like you, right?" Daws asked.
The real Daws nodded.
Daws cracked his knuckles. "Then maaaaybe we can work out a bit of a deal between us."
The real Daws rubbed his chin. "What do you offer?"
Daws bounced his eyebrows up and down. "Myth in a swimsuit."
The real Daws' face turned so red the screen began to suffer from overexposure.
Ubel covered his face with his hand. "Oh sweet mother of mine, what did I ever do to deserve this?"
The real Daws leaned back. "You're going to Santa Domingo to meet with Gondolier. He'll give you directions as to where to find the abomination in exchange for the danr monkey."
Ubel perked up. "I'm in."
"Me too," Daws said.
"Same here," Tosaku said, pouring coffee on her head again.
"And Santo Domingo of all places!" Hatter said. "Let's go!"
Daws waved as they left. "See you Turd! Later self! So long Baklava!"
The real Daws waved back before finishing the spoiler tag and hitting "submit," posting the latest episode onto the BotM New Beginnings HUB.
He shivered with the willies. Myth in a swimsuit...
Addendum, sorry about that Gwen. Whenever you write on here, go back and copy what you've written every few minutes. That way if it does crash, you just have to paste it back on and keep writing.