Hyper Era Discussion

Moderator: GodzillavsJason

User avatar
godzillafan1954
Futurian
Posts: 1943
Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:43 pm
Location: Confidential.
Contact:

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby godzillafan1954 » Tue Sep 04, 2018 5:15 pm

Titanoterror98 wrote:Not bad! I can see what the others were saying: the characters could use more descriptions, Spikesaurus needed more foreshadowing and detail, the transitions could have been clearer, the human plot could have been fleshed out more, and maybe go into a little more detail about where the human scenes take place, and maybe the history of this world and its Godzilla(s). But other than that, I thought it was a fun read! I like that you put some pathos into your story, like the little moments between human characters, like the military meetings or Natori and his mom, or Godzilla attempting to protect Junior as he goes into meltdown. I also like the atmosphere you built up at the beginning, and the energy of the fight scenes! I think that if you can pay attention to your criticisms but focus on what you did right, you could be telling some good kaiju fiction before you know it!

Thanks man! :huge:
Titanoterror98 wrote:BTW: I know some of the guys on here compared Spikesaurus to Bagan, but as I was reading, I couldn't help but think of him as an Anguirus offshoot. Was that intentional?

No, mate. Not at all.
I don't have a signature and I never will.

User avatar
godzillafan1954
Futurian
Posts: 1943
Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:43 pm
Location: Confidential.
Contact:

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby godzillafan1954 » Thu Sep 27, 2018 7:04 pm

I don't have a signature and I never will.

User avatar
MinorBone Good
Samurai
Posts: 175
Joined: Sun Mar 11, 2018 8:41 am
Location: Back From Vacation!

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby MinorBone Good » Mon Oct 15, 2018 1:32 pm

I really enjoyed it! Though I think everything zoomed by too quickly for my tastes, I think a slightly slower pace would help! Keep going, dude! :D
Still doing this, MinorBone? Yes, I need the Promotion: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC12MYs ... yToZiFXS_w

" No One's Better Than You! "

User avatar
godzillafan1954
Futurian
Posts: 1943
Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:43 pm
Location: Confidential.
Contact:

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby godzillafan1954 » Mon Oct 15, 2018 3:00 pm

MinorBone Good wrote:I really enjoyed it! Though I think everything zoomed by too quickly for my tastes, I think a slightly slower pace would help! Keep going, dude! :D

Thanks man!
I don't have a signature and I never will.

User avatar
Dawsbfiremind
G-Force Lieutenant
Posts: 2956
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2017 7:59 pm
Location: My writing desk

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby Dawsbfiremind » Fri Oct 26, 2018 9:34 am

Sorry gfan. As you guessed, I've been a wee busy.

Many people here have said my thoughts: relatively solid action coupled with pockets of superb description carries this story. Think of the description like having a couple of big bobs of jelly on a pb&j - most of the bites you take are just peanut butter and when you do get the jelly it's a bit too much. Spreading the proverbial description jelly would be the first step to improvement.

All in all a pretty good story man! :huge:
goji89 wrote:
Dawsbfiremind wrote:People have asked me how I can want to be a writer

With skills like this......I wonder too.

MechaGoji Bro7503 wrote:Holy mother of Bagan we actually are stuck in limbo.

TK drinking game official rules.
viewtopic.php?f=14&t=26072&start=2080#p1564587

User avatar
godzillafan1954
Futurian
Posts: 1943
Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:43 pm
Location: Confidential.
Contact:

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby godzillafan1954 » Fri Oct 26, 2018 5:38 pm

Dawsbfiremind wrote:Sorry gfan. As you guessed, I've been a wee busy.

Many people here have said my thoughts: relatively solid action coupled with pockets of superb description carries this story. Think of the description like having a couple of big bobs of jelly on a pb&j - most of the bites you take are just peanut butter and when you do get the jelly it's a bit too much. Spreading the proverbial description jelly would be the first step to improvement.

All in all a pretty good story man! :huge:

Thanks, brudda!
I don't have a signature and I never will.

User avatar
Dawsbfiremind
G-Force Lieutenant
Posts: 2956
Joined: Mon Jan 02, 2017 7:59 pm
Location: My writing desk

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby Dawsbfiremind » Fri Oct 26, 2018 5:40 pm

godzillafan1954 wrote:
Dawsbfiremind wrote:Sorry gfan. As you guessed, I've been a wee busy.

Many people here have said my thoughts: relatively solid action coupled with pockets of superb description carries this story. Think of the description like having a couple of big bobs of jelly on a pb&j - most of the bites you take are just peanut butter and when you do get the jelly it's a bit too much. Spreading the proverbial description jelly would be the first step to improvement.

All in all a pretty good story man! :huge:

Thanks, brudda!


Sorry it took so long.
goji89 wrote:
Dawsbfiremind wrote:People have asked me how I can want to be a writer

With skills like this......I wonder too.

MechaGoji Bro7503 wrote:Holy mother of Bagan we actually are stuck in limbo.

TK drinking game official rules.
viewtopic.php?f=14&t=26072&start=2080#p1564587

User avatar
godzillafan1954
Futurian
Posts: 1943
Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:43 pm
Location: Confidential.
Contact:

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby godzillafan1954 » Fri Oct 26, 2018 5:43 pm

Dawsbfiremind wrote:Sorry it took so long.

It's good, my Dororo.
I don't have a signature and I never will.

User avatar
Zarm
E.S.P.Spy
Posts: 4618
Joined: Tue Jun 28, 2016 3:21 pm
Location: USA, East Coast
Contact:

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby Zarm » Mon Nov 05, 2018 7:34 am

I'd echo the crowd; there needs to be a bit more descriptive passages- scene-setting details and the like, to slow the pace down and give a little more detail- in the human interactions. A little more buildup to Spikeasaurus, for sure. I clearly have nothing original to contribute. :) But with a bit of a more measured pace, it makes a nice collage of elements, a hybrid of showa, heisei, and millenium in combination. A good concept!
KaijuCanuck wrote:It’s part of my secret plan to create a fifth column in the US, pre-emoting our glorious conquest and the creation of the Canadian Empire, upon which the sun will consistently set after less than eight hours of daylight. :ninja:

The Zone Fighter campaign is funded and complete, with translations in progress! PM me if you want to be part of the Facebook updates group.

Maranatha!

User avatar
godzillafan1954
Futurian
Posts: 1943
Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:43 pm
Location: Confidential.
Contact:

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby godzillafan1954 » Mon Nov 05, 2018 10:40 am

Zarm wrote:I'd echo the crowd; there needs to be a bit more descriptive passages- scene-setting details and the like, to slow the pace down and give a little more detail- in the human interactions. A little more buildup to Spikeasaurus, for sure. I clearly have nothing original to contribute. :) But with a bit of a more measured pace, it makes a nice collage of elements, a hybrid of showa, heisei, and millenium in combination. A good concept!

Thank you, Zarm!
I don't have a signature and I never will.

User avatar
godzillafan1954
Futurian
Posts: 1943
Joined: Mon Jul 27, 2015 2:43 pm
Location: Confidential.
Contact:

Re: Hyper Era Discussion

Postby godzillafan1954 » Thu Dec 20, 2018 1:33 pm

Last edited by godzillafan1954 on Thu Dec 20, 2018 1:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I don't have a signature and I never will.


Return to “Beginning Writers”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests