Zillo saga discuss how you like no like?

[Zillo13]

ehe thanks for the help i understand its gonna be hard but ill try

[King Caesar]

You got some bare descriptions, but it still needs a lot of improvement. Maybe a little more practice. Take a look at some of the fan fics by guys like HayesAJones, Gojira21, and MothraRocks. Perhaps a revision in how you're writing would help. Script-mode is a very weak, cheap, and unfortunately fast way to put out work. I urge you to return to a traditional method. It would help you out a lot.

[Zillo13]

yeah youre right its just i get alot more out this way thats all my descriptions suck badly i usually join someones and try my best there thats how i practice but ive been out of fan fics for a while so i need to get better again

[King Caesar]

:lol:
yeah youre right its just i get alot more out this way thats all my descriptions suck badly i usually join someones and try my best there thats how i practice but ive been out of fan fics for a while so i need to get better again

I think you're first step is cleaning up that grammar in your posts... ._.

[Zillo13]

true XD so any way ya can help either than a remideal english grammar class? XD

[Zillo13]

anyways i just want to try a godzilla fan fic with other kaiju fans thats all i have a story with a freind but its almost done..... but i want to start over and try it out

[Gojira21]

You know if you any help, im sure one of us (Me, KC, MothraRocks, e.t.c) will be glad to help

[MothraRocks]

Basically what these guys have been saying...just practice and improve. Double check grammar. Make it a reasonable length, and don't do script version; it's such a cheap way of producing a story. Example:

Godzilla: *roars and fires an atomic blast*

Mothra: *cries out and dodges*

Godzilla: *roars and bites leg*

Mothra: *cries out and begins flapping wings*

While this could possibly work for a movie scene (with A LOT more detail added) it just doesn't suffice for reading. Now look at what it could be turned into if written as a proper story:

Godzilla glared at the giant moth godess before him, her wings containing multiple colors, causing a slight breeze every time they moved downwards. The mutant lizard roared out in disgust at Mothra before firing his atomic ray, energy seemingly pulsating from the blue beam.

Mothra, quite alarmed, let out a chirp as the ray quickly approached her before swiftly descending below its range. Enraged, Godzilla aborted his current assault before roaring out again in pure rage. Before Mothra could react, the monster king bit down on one of her many legs, cries of pain emitting from her mandibles. Re-focusing, Mothra began to flap her wings, releasing golden scales into the air. Godzilla tried to ignore the poisonous scales as they filled his throat, but to no avail; the demonic lizard let go and cried out once more as Mothra began to create more distance between the two.

As you can see, this make a much more interesting read. While I didn't state exactly where the battle was taking place, or at what time, it gives the reader enough information to create a mental image.

[Zillo13]

man thats awesome i have to try like that ill post next in the story like that

[Zillo13]

i posted another part of the story please read did it look better?

[MothraRocks]

Better in terms of detail, but grammar is still a problem. Try to use commas, capitalization and more. Also, when someone speaks always start a new line. Try to expand beyond just a paragraph for each installment. I'll get you a link to other FFs to show you the structure.

[Gojira21]

That was better, besides some runon sentences and a few gramatical errors it was better. Here is an example out of your story


Orginal :in anger tianosaurous began his counteroffensive as he swung open his tail in a swift motion began swinging his tail to make hurricane gale force winds making the airspace around him unflyable.

Improved: In anger, Titanosaurous began his counteroffensive. He swung his tail in a swift moiton which created strong hurricane force winds, making the airspace around him unflyable.

Basically broke it down into two sentences, added some commas to break up ideas, and captailized beging of sentences and names. Now you can add more descriptive words in their like MothraRocks showed but i was just showing examples of improving the structure.

[MothraRocks]

http://www.tohokingdom.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=9704

http://www.tohokingdom.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=18&t=8338

Notice the structure. Multiple paragraphs, lots of detail, new line every time someone begins speaking... stuff like that. But it was much more enjoyable this time around.

[Gojira21]

Biased!!! no example of mine!! Lol no jk, im probably not the best example i have some minor grammaticals errors also

[Zillo13]

i see ill try harder its just i go by paragraphs so you can see what happenes ill try again hehe sorry if im frustrating all of you

[MothraRocks]

It's fine... but are you just hitting "Post Reply" and then typing out your story? Or are you typing it in Microsoft Word?

[Gojira21]

No, im not frustrated lol and its alright. Going by paragraphs is good way to show what happens just seperate the dialogue parts (when characters are talking) and you will get better! Just work at it

[Zillo13]

just post reply i also posted another except how was this one?

[MothraRocks]

SO much improvement since the last few chapters. That's good. Still a little bumpy around the grammar part, but you're getting there. Just a question: Why was it good he was found in the battle place of Godzilla, Kiryu and Megalon?

[Zillo13]

crap i meant like she was lucky shes alive since she was in the battle zone oops