help with a stroy

[dogora]

hey im writing a gamera story and ive finished chapter 1
but i dont know what to do next tell me what you think

The coming


What happens when life ends. Death. What happens when planets die. What happens when universes die. There is nothing.


Gamera lover of children, protector of human kind was asleep.

He was having a nightmare, bats, giant , ravonus, blood thirsty demons of the night. "gamera has long fearerd bats because of his experiences with gayos. "

They were chaseing him he cahght sight of his mother as he fell , being hunted by all his deadly meories.Jiger, Viras, Zigra all screaming and taunting him.
He awoke his slumber, something was wrong…. !

London 12:pm unkown location

a angry voice was shouting, "Jasmin. Jasmin were the hell have you been"

"Im here darling."

The angry man turned, his name was Brandon Tooms.
the head of OMEGA .protection against kiaju ,don't you know.
He was plump, grey haired,
and about 40.
a strict bisness type.

Jasmin how ever was the opisite.
Head pilot.
Blonde messy hair. expensive clothes and pale skin.
Strict piss taker type.

"and?"said Tooms in a slighty more placid tone.
"ive been out, you know haveing something called f. u. n. doubt you ever heard of it."said jasimne
"Hrmph .. Yes well there has been some odd hapenings near the Japanese cost"
"Yes?and?"said jasmine a little bit curios.

"Give me time!" Sapped tooms, "right now you remember the attacks in japan ?"

"Uhh when Godzilla attacked, or maybe when the Gappa family got pissed or…"
"Be qwiet."interrupted Tooms.
Well near were gamera first surfaced in japan, they have found some beached wales, six of them all in a row on one tiny beach,.anyhow our scientists say that they were fleeing a creture of some sort." said an exhausted Tooms.
"Wich is?" enqwierd jasper?
we have reason to belive it was Viras.


so that is chapter one i wrote a few months ago when i was 13
i just want your opinion on it i plan to use monster viras barugon and maybe zigra or gurion as well as a special monster!

thanks.

[megalon]

this is really good you should try and do more.
my one complaint is that gamera dosent really do much but get scared so thats a shame.

[Grayshot954]

First of its Story no stroy. Good concept but you need some major grammatical revisions. For instance: Tooms shouted, "Where the hell have you been?"
Things like that.

[King Caesar]

Oh my...this really...really needs work. Grammar, spelling, and paragraphs (which really needs some work). Like, do you know quotations marks? They're those little double apostrophe things next to the return key on the keyboard. Use those at the beginning and end of when people talk. Also, I'm confused when I read this...I never should be.

Sorry if I just sunk down to being a douscher, but what needs to be said needs to be said.

[dogora]

First of its Story no stroy. Good concept but you need some major grammatical revisions. For instance: Tooms shouted, "Where the hell have you been?"
Things like that.

thanks and sorry my dyslixia "see i cant even spell that" stops me from notecing that.
and do you think i should bother with chapter 2

[King Caesar]

Y'know, if you can take a little heat and want to go down that path that leads to artist heaven, then yes. This is a learning experience, and most (if not all of us) are here to help you...granted, some can be rather nasty...but it's better than sugar coating everything they say.

[Hedorah]

this is really good you should try and do more.
my one complaint is that gamera dosent really do much but get scared so thats a shame.

What were you reading? I'm not saying this guy is terrible, he just needs a LOT of work done on it. But yeah like KC said, fix it up and try again.