An Hour at the Cheshire Café discussion.

[Demon Lord Gira]

Yes, I am still alive (Albeit barely), and yes, I am still working on Promised Heir despite several infuriating setbacks (Most notably the loss of my laptop).

While I struggle to get the Promised Heir up and running, I decided to do a short piece based on the old BotM crew, before things went to hell and they wound up in the multiverse struggle. Who knows, maybe I'll turn this into it's own fledged story of its own if I can find the time and resources.

[GodzillaFreak99]

What is BotM?

[Demon Lord Gira]

What is BotM?

Battle of the Multiverse. It was an RPG in the roleplay section, and one of the few that actually saw it through to the end.

[MorgansTShirt]

Since people here seem disinterested in actually discussing and analyzing literature, and since you're the closest thing to an active writer here anyway, I think it will be interesting to take in and review your Cheshire Cafe.

Admittedly I prefer weird stories, but as it stands I think your writing is very clear and concise, and most of your sentences have a pleasantly lulling flow. The narrative is good at directing the reader through various details, and the characters demonstrate their personalities quite clearly. Overall a solid effort.

But I think there's a certain flatness and artificiality in your overall composition. There's something that isn't quite three-dimensional about the characters. Maybe it's the dialogue, which feels kind of cheesy and forces stilted exposition through their teeth. It feels like something out of an exaggerated anime or an overly-dramatic stage performance; I don't feel real people but rather crude actors trying to appear like people, which can take me out of an otherwise engaging story.

And the situation you've written for them isn't a bad idea, but there's something about the way it's written that feels off. Maybe the first conflict came out of nowhere too quickly, so I could barely get a feel of the characters or setting before this sudden drama was tossed in the air and rained down heavily thereafter. In the middle of the story I caught myself thinking "Why should I care about any of these strangers who just thrusted their faces at mine?"

I think for a beginner your work is competent and has the potential for ripe originality. Depending on how your life turns out you could even publish some entertaining books. But I see some of the weaknesses that are common in beginning authors these days, weaknesses which propagate when more and more writers are too influenced by a narrow range of non-literary media (like blockbusters, popular anime, or video games), or when writers are too influenced by a small unexpansive group (like most fanfic sites, small role-playing groups, or niche forums like this one).

[Godzilla165]

Well, that was fun, I'm excited to see just how this pans out, Gira. You know, once you're reawakened from your decade long slumber again .