Ernest's One Shots(Do Not Post Here)

[ernesth100]

Before You Read: This story is basically an over exaggerated anti-smoking campaign. Based on an over exaggerated anti-smoking advertisement. But there is no doubt in my mind it is the coolest one you will ever read. You should watch the commerical before you read. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QzBm7R0lm9k

Chemicals: A Smokers Apocolypse

In the summer of 2014 an event happened. There was a boy named Timmy, who was 17. Timmy lived in a small town in Oklahoma known as Fogsville. Timmy's parents where addicted to smoking. As were his two closest friends. Pretty much his entire town was hooked on smoking because of the Cigarette company that set up factory in the small town Timmy lived in. The chemicals from everyone smoking and the factory had polluted the air making it foggy and greyish. Timmy himself wore a gas mask everyday. When Timmy went over to his friend Dante's house to play video games with him and his other friends Jenny. Unfortunately for Timmy, they were smoking there two.

"One day those things are gonna kill you guys." Timmy said.

"Well, at least we'll die happy." Dante said as he blew smoke into Timmy's face.

Timmy left the house and went home after that watching some cartoons he fell asleep late. He was awoken early the next morning when he heard a scream. Not just any scream, his mothers voice. And a gunshot. Timmy ran down stairs to see his mother in the kitchen bleeding out from a huge gash on her back. On the floor was a short brown humanoid creature with skin that looked like oiled brown tree bark. It had no eye's and a mouth full of jagged teeth. As well as fingers and feet with sharp claws and nails.

"My god, what happened!" Timmy said as he kneeled by his bleeding mother.

"It came through the window and it just, she screamed and I came down here. I grabbed the gun and shot it and I..." before Timmy's father could finish the creature began desolving into smoke and into the air.

Timmy heard several voices screaming and opened the door to see several of the creatures all different sizes some 7 feet tall others 3 feet tall. Some on all fours, some bipedal and some even had extra limbs. But they were all attacking people running around and jumping on everyone ripping throats open and some apparently had toxic breath and were suffocating others. Timmy looked back to his dad whom was already on the phone.

"Get mom, out of this town. Get her out of this city!" Timmy stated as he closed the door.

The police came out all fighting with their guns while it proved eaier on the smaller creatures. The sheer number of the monsters overpowered the forces. He ran acroos the steet pass several monster who tried to kill him and jumped over on of the fences. He saw Jenny one the ground with a shovel in her hand as one of the creatures bit down on the handle claming at her. Timmy came over with a rake and smaked the creature off Jenny thn beat it relentlessly until it stopped moving and eventually began dissolving.

"I told you smoking would kill you. Or at least it tried." Timmy said.

"Now is not the time for the lecture Timmy." Jenny replied.

"I'm serious, I crossed the street and noticed the majority of these things look like they're coming from the factory." Timmy said.

"So? Now what do we do?" Jenny asked as a large 3 armed monster bursted through the fence.

"First, we survive." Timmy said as broke the rake over his leg make it a sharp stick.

He and Jenny ran the opposite direction afterwards through Jenny's house. On the other side they reached the sidewalk and looked around. Jenny heard the monster roaring and saw it coming through the house for them through the broken down doorway.

"Uh, what are you waiting for that thing is chasing us!" Jenny said.

"Dante. There." Timmy said as he noticed Dante atop a van with a gun shooting the creatures.

One of the multiple armed creatures limbing up the side of the and grabbed him with the third arm pulling him down. They all began releasing toxic fumes fom their mouths slowly killing Dante. But then Timmy came and stabbed the creature that grabbed him in the back and kicked it aside. Him and Jenny beat the creatures with their weapons and then Timmy took off his mask and handed it to Dante. Dante immediately put the mask on and began breathing regularly.

"Goddamnit I can taste the nicotine in the air." Timmy said as he stood aside.

Jenny helped Dante up and gave him the gun he dropped.

"What's happening!" Dante exclaimed as he regained his breath.

"Smoking caught up with us, now if we don't stop it. It'll catch up with the world." Timmy jumped as he heard an explosion.

In the distance a bomb of sorts had went off. Tanks came in to quarentine the town. Several soldier faught with the numerous and now seemingly endless number of monsters.

"We have to stop it before they destroy the town." Timmy swid as his eyes widened.

"What?" Jenny asked confused.

"I've seen enough movies, when there's something big enough attacking and even the army is having difficulty they send in nukes and destroy cities. We have to stop it before it comes to that." Timmy said running off.

"Where are you going?!" Dante asked confused and annoyed by the sudden events.

"To cut it off at the source!" Timmy said, allowing Dante and Jenny to realize he meant the factory.

"Timmy wait!" Dante said.

Timmy stopped.

"We can take the Van, I was going to drive it outta here. We'll never make it on foot anyways." Dante went to the door and got the keys out the car.

Timmy and Jenny looked at Dante then each other and Timmy shrugged with smile. Soon the were driving to the factory. Pat the waring monsters and soldiers. And even around a tank, the narrowly missed a shell that had landed a few feet from the van and then drove on to the factory. But saw something strange and terrifying as they got closer. All the smoke was accumulating into a massive beast. But only the head, torso and a single arm had formed.

"Oh shit!" Dante yelled as he tried to hit the breaks. But the massive creatures arm reached out and grabbed the van.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Dante exclaimed as they were lifted off the ground.

The car came crashing back down as the monster slammed it on the pavement. Then it rose again this time towards the monster massive tooth filled mouth.

"No! Shit! No! Dammit! No! Fuck! No, this is not how I die! I am not going to be the filling of a car sandwhich!" Dante yelled panicking as he opened the window and shot at the monster to little avail than to make it roar and shake the car and slam it on the ground again.

"Jump you dumbass!" Jenny said as she opened the door and jumped out of the car. As did Timmy. Dante lastly as the car began to rise in the monster grip jumped and rolled on the the ground.

The monster threw the car aside it's other hand now fully formed and more of it's body. The monstr began reaching twoards them but a missile hit it, then another and another. However it just kept regenerating quickly do to the immense amount of pollution in the area and even faster.

"Kid's we need you to move out of the area!" a soldier said coming up behind them.

On the soldiers radio transceiver. There was a voice.

"General says we're gonna clean have to CleanSlate the place, these things are leaking out. Our men can't hold them back much longer." the man on the other end of the radio said.

The soldier looked at Timmy and his friends and the monster behind them being shot at by jets and helicopters. Which now had a single leg and two arms with several sharp appendages stcikng out of it's back and chest. It's face had no eye's. It's breath only futhered the toxicity

"Affirmative, evacuating all remaining citizens ASAP." the soldier said.

Timmy's eye's widened.

"No! Don't do it!" He said running up to the soldier.

"We have to kid. I'm sorry." the soldier replied

"You can stop it without that, just aim at the building. When they don't have a source of chemicals. They die." Timmy said.

The soldier looked at the kid for a moment then went to his transceiver.

"I request a hold on the strike, I repeat, immediate hold on the strike. HAve all forces directed towards the Big Target and the building. I repeat, destroy the building." the soldier said.

Suddenly several jets flew over shooting missiles at the massive beast which was now fully formed standing over twenty feet tall. It easily kicked over a tank shooting at it and as a whole was blown in its chest it healed just as quickly. But then, the missiles dropped on the building, leveling it, shutting down the factory in the process. The chemicals were no longer going into the air. With that the kids were gotten out of the area immediately and the armed forces completely demolished the monster, without the constant smoke generated from the factory, it could not regenerate and was easily defeated.

It was finally over, any other creatures around were immediately and rather easily disposed of by the armed forces. The town had been saved but not without hundreds of casualties and dozens of deaths to many. Timmy was a hero for convincing the soldiers not to simply level the entire town. The story of this event would go around the town for many years and actually despite what you think, it became even more famous of a town instead of being abandoned as well as a major tourist spot.

It even inspired several people to quit smoking around the globe. Thus ends the story of a smokers apocolypse.

[ernesth100]

The Screen



It was the year 2015. Dante was 18 and was now coping with having to quit smoking after the events in his town. He had taken up several hobbies. Sword fighting, Soccer, and in his spare time reading. He'd also been looking for colleges to apply to. He'd even started reading a couple of online stories. One day he tried to read a story on his laptop called "The Screen" but it woudn't load. But Dante persistently keeps refreshing the link. His computer had been acting up ever since he found out about the story from a friend. It froze at least three times when he turned it on, the keyboard glitched and all the buttons typed the wrong letters when he was searching for it. Now, he couldn't even load the got damn page. He was just fustrated at the point and kept clicking refresh until his entire computer screen turned white. He threw his wireless mouse at the wall in a rage.

When he looked up there was something on the screen, an outline of a human head flickering on and off of his screen. Dante shook his head and tried to shut down his computer hodling the power button, that didn't work so he closed it and took out the battery. Strange enough he could still see the light shining from the screen and knew for whatever weird reason it wasn't off. He simply sat it down. He would have the issue checked out tomorrow. and saw the figure more detailed features on his face. A nose, eye holes a mouth. but his eyes were simply static as was the screen behind him. Dante simply grabbed the remote and tried to turn of the TV but it wouldn't work. He doesn't even bother trying to unplug it and stand up and runs to the bathrrom dumping water on his face.

"You're loosing it Dan. Guess it's just a part of you giving up smoking. Didn't think it would be that easy." Dante looks up into thwe mirror and see's the face of the man and jumps back throwing the blow dryer next to him at the mirror shattering it.

Panting hard Dante takes his phone out of his pocket and calls his mom who is out but she doesn't answer. He tries his Dad, Mom, Jenny and even Timmy before giving up. Suddenly he hears somethig bump. He goes into the hallway looking around carefully. Dante quickly walks down the hallway and into his room. He grabs his sword off the wall he keeps it on and turns around to see the man standing right in front of him. Panicking he stabs the man in the stomach.

However there was no blood, no reaction, nothing from the man. He simply kept walking as the sword went further and further through his body. Dante pulled up his sword up but the man healed and kept walking towards him and reached out. Dante couldn't move. This thing wasn't human, it wasn't a man and it wasn't stoppable. As it reached into his body Dante's eyes became static. Suddenly he woke up in bed.

"What? It was dream. Oh thank god." Dantes eyes widened as he looked into his hands and saw his word. The same sword he stabbed that thing with.

Was it really a dream?

[ernesth100]

Future-Damien vs Kevin: The Fight To End It All.

Damien and Kevin were once best friends. They went to see a movie with their friend Edwin. Both took karate lessons and there friend Edwin would not stop joking about who would win in a fight.

"I mean when you think about it i'd be pretty cool." Edwin said.

"No, you don't want us to fight Edwin. Trust me." Damien said as he and his friends walked out of the movies.

"Yeah, I'd kill him." Kevin said.

"You're real funny you know that?" Damien replied.

"Seriously? Nothing, you're not even gonna push him?"

"Stop being an instigator Edwin." Damien said.

"What he said, you have no idea what I'm capable of." Kevin replied.

"Can't be anything I haven't scene before." Damien replied.

Both of them stared at each other then smiled.

"Maybe, a friendly sparring match wouldn't hurt." Kevin said.

"You sure, when I was taking lessons I got kicked off the team for being to brutal." Damien said.

"I still teach it." Kevin replied.

"I can't tell, you look so puny." Damien smiled.

"Watch your mouth lil guy." Kevins smile grew smaller.

"Hey, why don't we wait until we're outside the crowded theater to do this-" Edwin was cut off.

"I may be little but I bet I can knock you down beanstalk." Damien replied.

"Try me." Kevin said his smile was now completely gone.

Both took fighting stances.

"Oh no what have I done." Edwin said to himself.

"Listen, come on guys you don't want the security coming up in here and-AGH!" Damien pushed Edwin aside.

"I'll beat them, just like I'm about to beat this scrawny mother-" Damien was suddenly kicked into a movie poster, he fell down and the movie post fell over his head.

Damien ripped it in half and tossed it aside satnding up at Kevin whom had his back turned walking away.

"Don't turn your back to me bitch!" Damien said.

"I shouldn't have hit you." Kevin said.

"You caught me off gaurd. I'd like to see you do it again." Damien said.

"No, not to a friend. You're not worth it." Kevin replied.

"NOT WORTH IT?!" Damien's eyes widened with rage.

"You two, lesve the theater or we will call the cops" one of the gaurds said.

Damien ran at the gaurds and pinned on against the wall. One came behind him and triend to hit him with a baton but Damien kicked the gaurd into the popcorn holder.

"You stay out of this!" Damien exclaimed as he threw the gaurd aside.

"Damien, this is why I didn't want to fight you. You always let your anger take over!" Kevin said.

"You started this! Let's finish it." Damien said.

"If I have to knock you out to make you stop I wi-" Kevins eyes widened as Damien kicked him through a wall into a near by movie playing.

Kevin stood up from the rubble and then took his stance again looking at Damien. Meanwhile Ernest stood there as people ran around him wondering what he's done. The police arrived soon, Kevin and Damien came flying out the window pucnhing each other as they fell, Kevin grabbed Damien and slammed him on a police car when the landed. Kevin back flipped off Damien and landed.

"Enough Damien. You we're gonna hurt people."

"No, I'm just gonna hurt you." Damien flipped off the car and punched it at Kevin whom proceed to front flip over the car and attempt to kick Damien.

However Damien caught Kevins foot, and flung him into a bustop.

"Give up yet?" Damien said.

Kevin stood up wiping blood from his lip.

"I was giving you a chance to walk away before. But now, I'm gonna make you beg for mercy." Damien said.

Damien and Kevin ran at each other trading blows. The police and by standers terrified to do anything after seeing them display their power and durability. Meanwhile Edwin heard the screams of the citizens running away from the battle and he had enough. He began to run out of the theater planning to end it all himself.

Damien tried to punch Kevin, but Kevin caught his fist and twisted his arm. Damien then did a side flip and backflip over Kevin twisting his arm behind his back. Kevin rocked his head back hitting Damiena and forcing him to let go. Then turned around and through Damien into a tire hydrant which went off sending Damien flying. This enraged Damien, he was planning on getting serious.

"I guess there's only one way this can end. One of us has to go." Damien said as he pulled a sword out of nowhere.

"My relatives in Japan crafted this for me. And now is the time to use it." Damien said taking a stance.

Kevin simply picked up a sharp peice of metal from the broken bustop a while back.

"I'm sorry Damien." the two ran at each other and engaged in sword combat.

Damien sweep kicked Kevin causing him to land on his back. Damien tried to impale him but Kevin flipped out the way and tried to cut Damiens legs. Damien jumped over Kevins swipe and kicked him in the face. Kevin rolled back dogding several swipes by Damien before rolling forward and uppercut kicking Damien in the chin. Damien backflipped and landed on his feet. Helicopters surrounded the area live feed all over the news of the battle. It had to end, innocent lives where at stake.

Once again the two warriors struck battle stances and ran at each other but then. Edwin landed between the two. He swiftly removed the sword from Damiens hand and flung it into a wall. Then punched Kevin in the stomach forcing him to drop the sharp peice of metal.

"Enough. You two are out of control. Look at the cars and property you've destroyed. I don't even know what they taught you when you two learned karate. But I'm here to teach you how it really is." Edwin said.

"Edwin, please we don't wanna hurt you stay out of this." Damien said.

"Try me." Edwin inquired.

Damien shook his head and tried to kick Edwin but Edwin leaned back weaving the kick and grabbed Damien by the leg hitting it on the knee, the back of the knee and a specific point on the left side of the thigh of his leg. It was disabled and Damien was unable to walk.

"FUTURE stands for more than this, you're shaming our company. Shaming your heritage. Shaming me." Edwin said.

Kevin tried to uppercut Edwin but he grabbed Edwins fist and broke it.

"I'll pay for the hospital bill. I never told you guys, but ever since I was little. I've been taking secret lessons. From who you may ask? Well, no better teacher than myself. I've been teaching myself the art of hand to hand combat since I was 3. And I've mastered far beyond what you to examples of arrogance could ever hope to achieve. So please, let's end this." Edwin stated.

Both Damien and Kevin hung there heads embarrassed by what they've done. Edwin stood there and sat down with them simply taking a moment of peice.