Ultraman Misaki Disscusion board

[Biogoji]

Hi all a couple of days ago I came up with a idea for a Ultraman series called Ultraman Misaki however I was nervous about writing it due to not being the best when it comes to writing but thanks to advice from GodzillavsJason I have decided to write this series.

So here's how it's going to work each a week a episode of Ultraman Misaki will be made each episode will be from three to four chapters long each one having one thousand words and it will use monsters from the Ultra universe the Godzilla universe as well as the Gamera universe.

I am currently working on episode one's first chapter and it will take elements from the episode eight and the first episode that had Gomora in it, I don't know what episode number it was off the top of my head and spoilers alert it will feature Red King as the enemy kaiju.

Also I am open to all criticisms you have as along as it's not flaming.

[Kubo]

I'll give you some feedback on this. Good luck!

Also, hats off to GvJ for being supportive.

[Biogoji]

Thank you kind sir.

[GodzillavsJason]

Excellent and hey if you need any more help/advice then we're here for you man.

[GodzillaFreak99]

This sounds interesting.

[Biogoji]

Guys I just want to say thank you all for the support so far I just hope the finished work doesn't disappoint you guys.

[Biogoji]

Alright episode one is up I hope you guys aren't disappointed by it.

[GodzillavsJason]

Not half a bad but I did notice some spelling and grammar errors. You should probably work on both of those things along with wording some words correctly. A little more detail could be nice but like I said the story so far is decent. Keep it up and I will await for the next chapter.

[Biogoji]

Thank you for your constructive criticism.

[Biogoji]

Chapter two is up if you wondering why I write and posted it so quickly it's a simple answer... I was bored.

Anyway before I warp this up I just want to say three things one a episode's three to four chapters will be made over a week and every week secondly there will be a second season if I like writing this, if my grammar and spelling is fine if it gets good reception and if enough people like it and finally but not least if you guess who the character Sho is a reference to you get a internet cookie.

[Kubo]

The bat pecked at the quadruped’s eyes and the quadruped tried to stab the bat with its horn both creatures dodged the other’s attacks, the quadruped bit at the bat but it flew up into the air and kicked the quadruped.

Quadruped...quadruped, quadruped QUADRUPED, QUADRUPED, QUAAAADRUPPED!!!

...I'm better now.

So let me point out a few flaws in what you have so far:
• Run-on sentences. Just because you can throw a conjunction in a sentence doesn't mean you should. Sometimes, short sentences can be used for dramatic purposes.
• Dialogue. Besides the lack of "quotation marks", it felt really choppy and awkward in its phrasing.
• No synonyms. Tell me there's another word for quadruped that could define that one monster. Consider using more descriptive words to define him, and eveuthing in general.
• Don't describe every person in the story by the clothes they wear. Unless there is some significance in what they wear, go for their features or personality.

I think that's everything. Hope to see more.

[GodzillaFreak99]

Rooster pit lol! I really enjoyed that, and yeah, work on it a bit. also, if you don't mind I have a character that I would like to submit to you (if that's okay) looking forward to next chatper.

[Biogoji]

The bat pecked at the quadruped’s eyes and the quadruped tried to stab the bat with its horn both creatures dodged the other’s attacks, the quadruped bit at the bat but it flew up into the air and kicked the quadruped.

Quadruped...quadruped, quadruped QUADRUPED, QUADRUPED, QUAAAADRUPPED!!!

My work here is done I made KC go crazy.

...I'm better now.

Oh man. Nah just joking

So let me point out a few flaws in what you have so far:
• Run-on sentences. Just because you can throw a conjunction in a sentence doesn't mean you should. Sometimes, short sentences can be used for dramatic purposes.
• Dialogue. Besides the lack of "quotation marks", it felt really choppy and awkward in its phrasing.
• No synonyms. Tell me there's another word for quadruped that could define that one monster. Consider using more descriptive words to define him, and eveuthing in general.
• Don't describe every person in the story by the clothes they wear. Unless there is some significance in what they wear, go for their features or personality.

I think that's everything. Hope to see more.

Thank you for that I shall edit that into chapter three and then it shall be posted.

Rooster pit lol! I really enjoyed that, and yeah, work on it a bit. also, if you don't mind I have a character that I would like to submit to you (if that's okay) looking forward to next chatper.

Sure just hit me up with a PM.

Also two things one this story is cannon with the events of the Showa Godzilla series and not with the Gamera series or Ultra series.

Finally with chapter three nearly here I would like to stay thanks for all the advice you have given me and that if you guess who Ultraman is fighting next week you get a cookie and because I'm nice I will give you one clue, it is a monster that Godzilla fought in the Showa Series.

[GodzillaFreak99]

SWEET! Thanks! Gigan?

[Biogoji]

SWEET! Thanks! Gigan?

Not just yet.

[Biogoji]

Chapter three is up which means Episode one is done.

[Kubo]

As the crowd ran through a street Misaki managed to slip into an ally way and to the other side he looked around to make sure no one was there and when he was sure the grabbed the blue orb on a necklace that was under his shirt and pulled it out and put it over his chest pressed it and then put his arms in a cross formation and a flash of blue, red and sliver surrounded and when it was gone he had become Ultraman Misaki before taking off.

This is a really bad run-on with lost potential for tension. Try to work on it.

Also, when you use dialogue, it should be something like this:

"That tree! Look!" Cesar cried.

"My God! It's on fire," Hayes remarked nonchalantly.

Use --> "_" , not '_'. The latter is used for quotes inside quotes. Don't concern yourself too much with that though. It's a lesson for a different time.

Other than that, it was good.

[Biogoji]

As the crowd ran through a street Misaki managed to slip into an ally way and to the other side he looked around to make sure no one was there and when he was sure the grabbed the blue orb on a necklace that was under his shirt and pulled it out and put it over his chest pressed it and then put his arms in a cross formation and a flash of blue, red and sliver surrounded and when it was gone he had become Ultraman Misaki before taking off.

This is a really bad run-on with lost potential for tension. Try to work on it.

Also, when you use dialogue, it should be something like this:

"That tree! Look!" Cesar cried.

"My God! It's on fire," Hayes remarked nonchalantly.

Use --> "_" , not '_'. The latter is used for quotes inside quotes. Don't concern yourself too much with that though. It's a lesson for a different time.

Other than that, it was good.

Well once again thanks for the advice and that apart from the mistakes you thought it was good. So do you have any guess for what Showa Godzilla enemy Misaki will be fighting in Episode 2.

[Kubo]

I don't think any hints were given in the story, so it could be any monster.

Maybe Gabara? That'd be cool.

[GodzillavsJason]

I don't think any hints were given in the story, so it could be any monster.

Maybe Gabara? That'd be cool.

But of course I know who will be in the next episode .