Rules
1. All entries have to be at least 1,000 words per round and the maximum can be 3,000. Exceptions can be made but it is up to the judges.
2. This competition is not only here to judge your storytelling, but both your grammar and spelling as well. If you even have one spelling error, that can bring you down, so you want to be careful.
3. Which brings up the next rule. No you cannot have anyone proofread it before you submit.
4. Judges cannot participate in this challenge.
5. There will be a total of three judges therefore they will tally up their scores on each person’s piece of works and rank them. Whoever gets the bottom ranking of each challenge is out. Last person standing at the last round wins the competition.
6. Each judge will have to give out at least a paragraph on their thoughts on people’s work whether it’s praise or criticism.
7. Each competitor will have a week to complete his or her short story or poem for each round.
8. Once you submit your story to any judge, there are no do overs, as you cannot resubmit.
9. You also have to submit to all three judges.
10. If you want to be a judge make sure you can commit to it like you are there for a lot of the time. Don’t say “Yeah I’ll be a judge.” Then just drop out of it.
11. Do not pick favorites with your friends. Example, Me automatically picking pta because he is my friend. No judges, choose due to their writing, story telling, etc.
12. Anyone can join but be serious with your joining. No trolling or spamming!
13. Judges is first come first serve so make you choose wisely. Though of course you can drop out before the competition begins.
14. Even though I said, writers have a week to finish each story round, they can submit early.
15. The Contest will begin on the 24th of this month.
16. It is up to the judges to decide what each week’s theme is. It can be anything like totally original content with no Fan Fiction what so ever. It can be comedy, horror, Godzilla, etc. It can even be free choice but we’ll just see.
17. Your stories will not be shown unless you want to post them but our criticisms or praise will be shown on the discussion board or wherever.
18. This is not only just a competition but it is to test your strengths and weaknesses. It will also do so in hopefully improving your writing skills.
19. Have fun.
Judges
GodzillavsJason
King Caesar
Giral2010
Writers
Flygon King
HayesaJones
Corzak The Mighty
20th Century Boy (Eliminated on September 5th)
Spanishbulldog63
Russell
First Round Results
Spanish Bulldog's Entry:
GVJ’s Score: 59/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 9
Plot: 10
Enthused: 10
Characters: 10
Wow! Oh my god! This was amazing! I loved everything about this story. The characters, the plot, and just how you made it the perfect length for a story. The characters were fun and relatable. I wanted to see what would happen next with them and it was like I exactly knew whom these characters well. Because that was some perfect writing you did right there.
Now the plot. Again like the characters, it was perfect. I loved the story it was so original but yet had that awesome tribute to all the other horror movies that had curfews like this such as Silver Bullet or The Town that Dreaded Sundown. I’m not sure if that was your intention or not but it was damn perfect. I actually had quite a bit of fear developed of this story because I pictured everything so well.
From the very beginning I was enthused reading this story and I can say that I was very satisfied with this story. Your story length, grammar, and spelling were perfect.
Now Bdog. Do us a favor and pitch this to a movie company because I would love to these be adapted into a movie. You defiantly out did yourself today and I would like to see you advance into the next round of the competition.
KC’s Score (Out of 10 Points): 6 [Good]
Other than some mediocre narration and inconsistent pacing, Spanish Bulldog manages to spook.
What I liked: The concept. Similar to Corzak's entry, I like how this one chose to go down the avenue of horror. Spanish Bulldog did a good job of conveying the horrors brought on by the evil. I also found some of the horror tropes were effectively used, including the "fake scares" and double takes the characters and reader do.
What I didn't like: Everything was crammed. This story rushes to get to each different event, but never really settles down long enough for the scares to carry beyond the paragraph they're in. The grandpa character is one who knows of the monster (another horror cliche), yet does nothing. I would think after the death of David's father, he might bother to come around again, maybe. The narration also bothered me a lot. It went from dark description to casual cussing about a competing cross country runner. SB might want to consider creating a little more consistency in the narration next time.
Giral’s Score: 99/100
Length: 10
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 10
Plot: 10
Enthused: 10
Characters: 9
Holy cow i loved this. It was perfect. The plot, story... Everything. My interest in cryptid's combined with an amazing plot gave this story an instant first place. I didn't feel like I was forced to read it, but had the privilege of enjoying it. I could relate to the main character, feel his pain, everything. I felt sad at tragic moments, angry at the unfair ones. You did Amazing.
I hope to see more cryptic adventures from you, friend.
Russell’s Entry:
GVJ’s Score: 36/60
Length: 9
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 7
Plot: 3
Enthused: 4
Characters: 4
Where do I begin with this? Well I’ll just say that this story wasn’t that good. Sure it had it’s small highlights but it was just so random at times. With Coyote Tango coming out of no where and then getting killed by Godzilla who comes out of no where as well. You would also think the King of the Monsters himself would put up a huge fight but nope just shot. Also there was something’s you left out such as Leatherback and Otachi being forgotten about in the story right away. There was basically no point in having them in the story if they weren’t going to provide anything.
Your grammar and spelling were good but that’s all you really had going on for you. I understand you were rushing to get this story done but next time do better all right!
KC’s Score (Out of 10 Points): 5 [Average]
Pacific Rim appeal is there, but what about depth?
What I liked: For a standard Fan-Fiction Forum match, it is good. His entry does decent in presenting the chaotic fight. At times, I felt a bit lost, but overall, Russell did good with making the sure that no Kaiju or Jaeger is left out.
What I didn’t like: One of my favorite aspects of Pacific Rim was the human factor in the Jaegers. This entry only scrapes the surface of any dramatic human tension that the match could have. Instead, the Jaegers are next to soulless and not a single effort to communicate is made. The inclusion of Godzilla was unnecessary. I understand the word count is limited, but when the King of Monsters is given minimal dramatic credits, I would rather he stay out of the project entirely. While it is a minor nitpick, I also find this one line to bug me:
“As the 6,000 ton kaiju moved farther into the mainland, the city knew it was doomed. With no Jaegers to help fight the kaiju, they were as good as dead….Four Jaegers were hanging in the air, suspended by helicopters.”
The contradiction is only a minor flaw, but it hurt my initial impression of Russell’s entry.
Giral’s Score: 17/100
Length: 6
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 6
Plot: 2
Enthused: 2
Characters: 7
This... No. Nope nope nope. It was a big kaiju battle royale, which most of us would die for, but really? it was short, characters died left and right just to make way for new ones, and the only survivors were exactly who you expected. Not to mention Godzilla's bullshit 1KO death. And how the crap did coyote tango and trespasser revive again?
Corzak The Mighty’s Entry:
GVJ’s Score: 59/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 10
Plot: 10
Enthused: 9
Characters: 10
Wow! This story was simply amazing! I loved every word of it and I loved the haunting atmosphere. The Wolf was set perfectly. We knew about it but yet it was still mysterious. I also wanted to state that I absolutely noticed neither grammar nor spelling errors. The length was perfect. It didn’t drag on nor leave out any detail. I also like that it’s a bit like Little Red Riding Hood with its own alternate take like her going a different path or something like that. Truly you have out done yourself Corzak. I hope the other judges agree because I would love to see you advance into the next round of this competition.
KC’s Score (Out of 10 Points): 8 [Strong]
Why had she gone out into the woods at night? Boy, ain’t that the million dollar question?
What I liked: The atmosphere. Corzak effectively put the reader into those woods at night. He appealed to the senses with the crunching of leaves and the chattering of animals. Plenty of figurative language as well. One of the things I noticed while reading was his use of a variety of verbs, such as “danced” “slithered”. He does an excellent job of making us afraid with the protagonist. The pond scene is memorable, and probably the highlight of the story.
What I didn’t like: As I just mentioned, the pond scene stood out the most. Why? Well, to be honest, a lot of it felt like variations of itself. I get that the setting limits the possibilities, but more expansion upon the events leading up to this nightmarish chase would’ve been nice. Cut down on the “run, cry, run” spiel seen here.
Not deductible, but: I was hoping there would be a twist ending, but it was just wishful thinking as I pictured the girl at the end of the story, staring into the face of the Wolf.
Giral’s Score: 55/100
Length: 8
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 9
Plot: 5
Enthused: 5
Characters: 3
This story was good and left me enthused, But it was very... Cliche. "I need something to chase her through a forest? How about a wolf!". It's just been done a lot. I liked it pretty well though.
HayesAJones’ Entry:
GVJ’s Score: 55/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 9
Plot: 9
Enthused: 8
Character: 9
That was quite an interesting story to read with a lot of back-story provided to our main character, Clarke. I also liked that there was certain journey vibe to this character and we actually want to see this man complete his quest. I pictured a lot of it clearly and I was defiantly happy with what I read. That is except for the ending. For some reason the very last part with the crocodile just bugged me quite a bit. Why? Well because the ending minus that part was perfect. You should have stopped it to the point where we know that he’s going to kill the Tiger and that was satisfying enough. But with the crocodile, it was your downfall. I would have given you a 10 on your plot but the whole crocodile thing just did that. Never the less it was defiantly a great read.
KC’s Score (Out of 10 Points): 10 [Outstanding]
A twist ending that would have M. Night Shyamalan going crazy is only the icing on a very sweet cake of a short story.
What I liked: This entry is a prime example of character development. Through Clarke’s actions and motives, readers can understand the main character. Clarke is not a cardboard cutout character with description that is skin deep; he’s as fleshed out as character can be within a single period of time and words. As I said in the opening comment, the ending is a brilliant, if not slightly expected, twist. It’s a fantastic payoff after a mountain of building tension. Hayes used nearly every element at a writer’s disposal to propel this story forward, and none of it felt too overused.
What I didn’t like: I was expecting a killer parakeet to dispose of Clarke. Thoroughly disappointed by the lack thereof.
Giral’s Score: 72/100
Length: 8
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 9
Plot: 8
Enthused: 6
Characters: 7
Well... It was interesting. I liked the commentary an the detail, but the actual story was no more than six minutes. Most of it was backstory. And why hadn't that croc got him earlier? He was there for six hours.
20th Century Boy’s Entry:
GVJ’s Score: 54.5/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 9
Plot: 9.5
Enthused: 9
Characters: 8
Century here has easily made a fascinating short story filled with suspense, great story telling and interesting characters. I was intrigued to know what would happen next and this story was a bit dark, which I like. This the type of story I like where I can picture everything and it felt like a privilege to read this. Also despite Century saying he didn’t like his own ending, I loved it because it just felt like there was no hope for the remaining crew. That was awesome! My only criticism is I would have liked to see more of the Reptoids. Still a great story and a shame that you want to drop out of the competition.
KC’s Score (Out of 10 Points): 5 [Average]
Without much character development or exceptional moments of human triumph, there is not too much to praise.
What I liked: The setting, which felt similar to something one would see in Star Trek. The ship, the aliens…the space opera is all set up and ready for liftoff. I also liked that the captain knew that there was no hope, however, the way the story ends leaves this potential plot point on earth. Also, the writing is strong, without any real grammar or spelling mistakes.
What I didn’t like: The execution of the ending. 20th Century Boy’s entry needed to really pull it together in the end, but it left off with a space fight scene that fails to give any payoff for the reader. Knowing the word count limit, I would have seen this as an opportunity to show the captain’s personal strength by exhibiting courage as he tried to fight off the invaders while people escaped. Alas, it did not work this way. The other thing is that the captain is the only character to have any major role. An introspective look at his character would have done the entry well. Instead, readers see a person in the face of a disaster that they hardly can care for.
Giral’s Score: 88/100
Length: 8
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 10
Plot: 9
Enthused: 8
Characters: 7
I was very enthused from the very start of this story. It began with a sort of unexpected action point, very intense. The enemies sounded fierce and frightening, a great combo. it is a shame you are leaving the competition.
Flygon King's Entry:
GVJ’s Score: 45.5/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 9/10
Grammar: 9.5
Plot: 7
Enthused: 6
Characters: 4
Your story length was perfect. It was between a 1,000 and 3,000 so you did a great job on that part. Your spelling was good for the most part but I noticed a few spelling errors and your grammar was very good. Now for the actual story itself. It was okay for the most part; I didn't really understand the characters and the plot all to well. That could just because I don't know much about your interests but it just doesn't do it for me. I mean I can tell you really try and that you have some great ideas at times. But sometimes it just doesn't do it for me but that's just my opinion. It also feels like I hardly know about those characters at times it just seems a bit random for me. Try and improve on making these characters better and not just walking people that say only one thing. But your story is passable.
KC’s Score (Out of 10 Points): 7 [Very Good]
Flygon once again immerses readers in the demon realms, creating a foreboding atmosphere that works well.
What I liked: The characters. It may be some of the better work done by Flygon in developing the main characters, Shinki and Sariel. Their chemistry is understandable, and yet they contrast incredibly too. I also liked the atmosphere. The whole thing makes me feel jittery like Shinki. Descriptions are nearly devoid of any figurative language, yet manage to effectively paint a picture in my mind.
What I didn't like: The story ends with the reveal of Lord Akuro, a character who, from what I pulled together from the context, is trying to overthrow the archangels. There's a dark realm of sorts, and Fiore's there, but it's just...I don't follow most of this stuff, so naturally I feel a little alienated by the story. If I were more of a fan, sure I could get more out of Flygon's story, but I can't get into the other characters who only have name tags and a few lines from the script. I want to make it clear that I don't consider this a bad story in the slightest, but I hope that Flygon chooses a more earthbound setting and cast of characters for the next round.
Giral’s Score: 39/100
Length: 5
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 9
Plot: 4
Enthused: 3
Characters: 6
Flygon is an amazing writer and i love his works, but... This was rushed. It wasn't interesting. Just a conversation between 2 archangels. It left a lot of things up to cliffhangers and wondering what they were talking about, then having them explain. You could instantly tell that the man/woman in black was going to be an antagonist.
Results
1st: Bdog (167 Points)
2nd: Century (147.5 Points)
3rd: Hayes (137 Points)
4th: Corzak (122 Points)
5th: Flygon King (91.5 Points)
6th: Russell (58 Points)
Now before we claim anything. Century despite getting in Second place for the consensus rating said he would leave after the first round. So I will give him one last choice to either stay or leave. If he stays then Russell is kicked out but if he leaves then only Century gets kicked out.
Week 2 Results!
Corzak The Mighty
GodzillavsJason’s Score: 49/60
Length: 8
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 9
Plot: 8
Enthused: 7
Characters: 7
A funny story we got here with monsters who can’t do jack shit. I completely understood how Rosie felt how nothing goes right because sometimes that happens to me with other people. Completely frustrating. Then of course that one person/monster always makes you break. That’s the worst of it, all which made me laugh. The plot was quite nice but could have been trimmed at quite a few parts and some grammar mistakes. Some of the characters I didn’t really understand but unlike Flygon King’s I understood them a bit better. All in all no where as near as good as your first round’s story but still an entertaining read.
King Caesar’s Score: 7 [Very Good]
If loud and physical humor is your thing, there is certainly enough here for seconds.
What I liked: Fortunately, Corzak follows the trend among the writers in the contest by picking a surefire success of a story. A weightlifting club with members as idiotic as they are powerful. The comedy one could derive from that is almost too much to handle. As such, there is jokes abound, and once things start going wrong for Rosie, they never get better. It's fun to watch his character eek ever-so-slowly towards his breaking point, and is certainly enough to make even the sternest reader crack a smile, if just one.
What I didn't like: Rosie's response a lot of the time was "Alright then". It can be funny on occasion, but I feel that sort of response was used way more than it should have been in the first act of this story, which leads to a forgettable build-up to the Olympics of comedy that would follow. I caught a few typos in the Corzak's entry, so I have to dock at least a half-point for that. Shame on you, Corzak!
Giral2010’s Score: 41/100
Length: 6
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 9
Plot: 8
Enthused: 2
Characters: 5
Humor: 3
Well, this is another one of those stories that doesn't actually feel comedic. The dry humor was... Too dry. The atmosphere was too serious. I just didn't feel the humor.
Flygon King
GodzillavsJason’s Score: 52/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 9
Plot: 9
Enthused: 8
Characters: 6
A funny game show spoof off of well we all know what it is. But my point is that it was funny, original, and just a good read. I also liked how I was the main subject in the story that gives you browny points. I liked how it was extremely one sided that made me laugh and it really made me nostalgic of you referencing my stories. Excellent job on that good sir and now my own criticism is again I really don’t know who these characters are. I feels as there is hardly any background information on them. Though despite those faults, you succeeded at making a funny story so good job.
King Caesar’s Score: 9 [Brilliant]
A laugh a second. Too bad there isn't a dimension where every answer is a variant of my name...
What I liked: The game show concept is ripe for a good comedy sketch. And, unlike FK's previous entry, the cast and characters are easier to follow, and, despite it existing in the Netherworld, all have specific characteristics to distinguish them. The humor, like a couple other entries, mixes with TohoKingdom (coincidence, probably). Like,
Spoiler:
What I didn't like: Maybe a wee bit too much mind-melding with Tenshi in third person, which is more of a stylistic choice, but it gets in the way of description that could've been more figurative and vibrant. Oh well.
Giral2010’s Score: 39/100
Length: 5
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 8
Plot: 4
Enthused: 2
Characters: 3
Humor: 2
This is one of those stories I feel is trying too hard. The comedy felt rigged, and it did not flow well. It might be funny in an animation, but not in a story. Especially the "Flailing legs, buried torso" cliche.
Russell
GodzillavsJason’s Score: 46/60
Length: 8
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 7
Plot: 7
Enthused: 10
Characters: 5
Wow! That was something original and interesting and a bit weird. Let’s see I loved the concept of the noobs and trolls being like zombies in an apocalypse. I was very enthused without the whole story and wanted to see what happened next. It also brought me some laughs when you brought in other users. Now onto the negatives. I feels as there wasn’t that much like there was hardly any meat on the plate and that’s what I want, more meat on my dish. You made this story really interesting but it only wanted us to want more. There was some minor spelling errors and some grammar mistakes but wasn’t too bad but make sure you review you work before you send it in for future reference. All in all a fun read but just needed more on the dish.
King Caesar’s Score: 5 [Average]
I admire the concept, but the execution isn't the best and it's a little on the short side.
What I liked: The concept. Russell chose a problem plaguing TK and amplified it by a few million times. And it works for me. I actually laughed a few times during this story, mostly by the overwhelming ridiculousness of the whole thing.
What I didn't like: Russell's entry didn't really give me any satisfaction in any other department than outlandish laughter. I wanted to really get into this, but none of the characters stood out, save for Russell. There's so much happening and too little description to really capture the moment. It's a little disappointing. The ghost thing seemed unnecessary too, considering the semi-gratifying ending where I and the other judges slaughter all the noobs.
Not applicable to score, but: Godzilla1995 doesn't cuss. Get your facts right, man! And secondly, I won't be awarding any points for making me and the other judges the heroes in this story. Nice try though
Giral2010’s Score: 26/100
Length: 6
Spelling: 8
Grammar: 7
Plot: 7
Enthused: 2
Characters: 1
Humor: 1
Wow... This was terrible. The story was interesting, but it relied on teasing and cyberbullying for humor(Which wasn't funny.). Jokes were few, and no humor was there. He was too lazy to make up his own characters and an original story.
HayesaJones
GodzillavsJason’s Score: 47/60
Length: 8/10
Spelling: 9/10
Grammar: 8/10
Plot: 8
Enthused: 7
Characters: 7
Quite an interesting read there with a mako shark in a flood house, quite humorous. Especially with a moron and a friend who constantly wants to strangle him. I enjoyed the characters and a few of the jokes made me chuckle, not laugh but chuckle. It encouraged me to read on and to see what happened but at the same time felt a bit of a chore. It also could have been shorten as I felt that some of it was filler. But over all it was humorous and had some good characters. Not as good as your first submission but an alright with out a doubt.
King Caesar’s Score: 8 [Strong]
I'm drowning in the humor, but I think I wore a life jacket.
What I liked: The main characters (not including Gerald). Jason is your down-to-earth character who made the awful mistake of living with Rey. This situation they're in really puts their relationship in deep water, and it's probably the most interesting aspect of the story. I also had myself more chuckles than Chuckles the Clown. It's a very well-written comedy, and that's about all that can be said about a story about a chainsaw juggling shark.
What I didn't like: I think the only major flaw with this story is the underwhelming ending. Sure, we get a resolution to the shark's original residence, but it just felt...meh. The Gerald character is brushed over, though his role is only to open the floodgates. Maybe I'm over-critiquing a point that shouldn't be viewed in a critiquing manner.
Not applicable to score, but: I liked that the character names all resembled that of the judges. It was a nice touch.
Giral2010’s Score: 96/100
Length: 10
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 9
Plot: 10
Enthused: 10
Characters: 9
Humor: 9
Holy cow I loved this! The combination of awesome setting and quick humor made this a great read for me. The jokes were quick and interesting, so kudos to Hayes.
SpanishBulldog63
GodzillavsJason’s Score: 59/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 9
Plot: 10
Enthused: 10
Characters: 10
Wow! Just wow! You sir have done it again! You have completely blown me away with another fantastic story and this time this made me laugh. I loved the characters. I loved the originality of monsters playing poker and all the tributes you paid to various commercials, monsters, etc. I was very pleased with the result of this story and even though I wish there was more to read, I was satisfied with the story length. Some minor grammar issues though but that didn’t stop me from enjoying it. Like I said with your last story please make more of this story, turn this into a series because I will defiantly read this. You certainly have outdone yourself yet again my friend and you’re becoming one of my favorite writers on here now.
King Caesar’s Score: 8 [Strong]
It's like I'm relieving the foulest moments of TKFA in a poker game with cryptids. Me gusta...
What I liked: Sometimes, I feel like a comedy can choose a setting where it might be hit or miss. This was one of those situations, but it worked very well in Bulldog's favor. There's a variety of gross and sly humor to please all walks of life. Each monster is identifiable, even with the minimal descriptions given. I liked that Bulldog also brought back the Jersey Devil, who is just as evil as before, but in a slightly different way. And was that Hayes who was mauled? Make that four out of five stories to make references to this forum (not sure on Corzak's...I probably missed something). Way to go, writers.
What I didn't like: Not much description. No tension, really, which was something I also felt lacking in his previous entry, though it was present at times in that story. A lot of characters are brought in, but only a few are memorable and important to the situation.
Giral2010’s Score: 66/100
Length: 5
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 9
Plot: 8
Enthused: 5
Characters: 5
Humor:
This was enjoyable. The thought of cryptids playing poker is interesting. The only problem I have is the names. Big Foo? 13? OGO? Just... Yeah. It was still fun though, and i liked Kam's "royal flush".
Results
1. Hayes: 151
2. Bdog: 133
3. Flygon: 100
4. Corzak: 97
5. Russell: 77
I'm so sorry Russell but you have fallen. You've done a great job at this competition and I see great things from you in the future. Keep writing and make us proud. Now Russell a quick question. Who do you think is going to win this competition?
Week 3
SpanishBulldog63
GodzillavsJason’s Review: 58/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 9
Story: 9
Enthused: 10
Characters: 10
Wow! You’ve outdone yourself yet again and this time with a story of mine! I really enjoyed it and I enjoyed on how well you made both Alex and Cesar have their respective personalities. Also the humor was very well done and both FK and FM getting pissed off. Funny moments that I’ll look back. Like I said I very much enjoyed this Fan Fic of my series. Now onto the negatives, well first off I noticed a few grammar mistakes but nothing that would bring the story down. Second I was both confused and didn’t like the idea how well I assume this is a prequel to the series because none of the gang has met each other yet. That Alex and Cesar first met than just wanting to hang out together for the night that contradicts about them first meeting each other in the second episode. But after all I did say this was non-cannon but I liked it so much that I will consider it cannon provided we make a deal. Anyway great job on this man, you’ve done good and hopefully see you next round of the TLWS.
KC’s Review: 47 [Very Good]
Score Breakdown:
• Proper Use of Selected Character(s): 27/30
• Quality of Story: 12/20
• Grammar / Spelling / Length: 8/10
Please have me, please have...yes...I'm in this thing. But wait...
So TK CityVille...I want to know where this place is. And did you Fairy Mothra give you permission to use her? Because I can deduct points if you fail to answer either of those questions! All joking aside, I thought the use of characters was brilliant. Flygon felt a little overlooked, but the reason may be this story's pacing. It reminds me of LiTKC in its jumping from place to place. This could work, but the length doesn't allow for it. Maybe focusing on one or two events instead would have been better. I believe Bulldog could have worked around this issue and still displayed the characters better. Instead, we have awkward moments like the end when Flygon and his shop are next to totally dismissed at the ending. Little resolution to an event that could've been at least a little tension-filled.
Two off in GSL for grammar errors and length. It felt really short...
Giral2010’s Review: 44/60
An interesting storyline that actually includes the forums as a major point. Not bad. However, I just did not get into it. SB did not make outside of the forums feel realistic enough, in my honest opinion.
Flygon King
GodzillavsJason’s Review: 57/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 9
Plot: 10
Enthused: 9
Characters: 9
Quite a funny entry into KC’s TFKA universe and very satisfying. I was really enthused to see a story about Waturu, I mean come on anything about our residential fatty is got to be quite the story. And it was. Very funny stuff that Watsy would do plus lot of good characters in there. The ending was unexpected and you’ve done well today my friend.
King Caesar’s Review: 48 [Very Good]
Score Breakdown:
• Proper Use of Selected Character: 22/30
• Quality of Story: 17/20
• Grammar/Spelling/Length: 9/10
The old pirate sails again, but something feels slightly amiss...Yabaru, maybe?
From the start, I knew that choosing Wataru's salty pirate character couldn't go wrong. And sure enough, Flygon King brought out his most notable hobby, pirating DVD's, as the main plot point. Does Watsy live up to his TKFA reputation? Yes, and no. He certainly has his bombastic attitude, but the dainty S.S. Guppy and goofy humor normally associated with the curmudgeon aren't really emphasized. There are a few gags here or there, but none of them come from Wataru. And that may be my biggest gripe with the story. He's a bloody good pirate, but does he have the charisma to control a giant army? Eh...did you see the swashbucklers of the first TKFA? Dragoon and Yabaru, and that's freakin' it. So, I'm not going to tear up Flygon's entry for missing that point, but it did certainly leave me a little disappointed.
Giral2010’s Review: 42/60
Mildly humorous and with an interesting setting. Having dragged his body down to hell was an interesting idea, along with stealing DVD's instead of gold or diamonds. However, it felt like a chore to read. I mean, this is the third time Flygon have used hell as a setting. It's getting slightly old.
HayesAJones
GodzillavsJason’s Review: 48/60
Length: 8
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 10
Plot: 7
Enthused: 7
Characters: 7
An all right story we have here but not as good as your first two. I’m going to be honest and say I didn’t relate to any of the characters as much as the other characters from the universe but that could just be me. I thought that some of the story could be trimmed down because some parts did drag on. Though I will say it did have a nice dark atmosphere inside the ship and there was some parts that I chuckled at. Not bad nor amazing like your last two but a decent solid entry.
King Caesar’s Review: 58 [Brilliant]
Score Breakdown:
• Proper Use of Selected Character: 30/30
• Quality of Story: 19/20
• Grammar / Spelling / Length: 9/10
Oiled Hocks Part II. Let idiocy prevail, scum of the earth!
Pestilence's offering of food is that little tick of the clock in your head that tells you that this guy has you where he wants you, and he feels more than comfortable in your presence. Hayes maintained the evil persona of Pestilence and expanded upon it with his newfound obsession with trophies, which was expressed with magnificent detail. We, as the audience, know the fate of the thieves as soon as they set foot in the barge the deformed man has nestled into. It's only a matter of time before they get offed.
Points off in the GSL department for the rushed mistakes. They were sparse, but still apparent. Another point off for the slightly cliche cut-out goon/gang leader characters. It's not a huge issue, but it would be fun to see someone with the intellect to challenge Pestilence at his own game.
Perhaps in the future...
Giral2010’s Review: 51/60
With a creepy vibe and enthusing story, Hayes has really caught my fancy with this one. Pestilence really lives up to his name here, disgusting me with every move he makes. He seems wise, yet he is insane. There's no one to view your trophies because you ate everyone who could!
Corzak The Almighty
GodzillavsJason’s Review: 58/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 9
Grammar: 10
Plot: 10
Enthused: 9
Characters: 10
In the words of Warpath (Transformers G1), KABLAM that was awesome dude! I loved the atmosphere of this story, really gave me an Alien vibe. Plus the action and the dialogue…. GENIUS! The characters were developed really well and the ending is what I expect which was amazing. Plus it’s ending you don’t see much often so amazing job with this Corzak. Hope to see you in the next round of TLWS.
King Caesar’s Review: 49 [Very Good]
Score Breakdown:
• Proper Use of Selected Character(s): 25?/30
• Quality of Story: 14/20
• Grammar / Spelling / Length: 10/10
I think my unfamiliarity with Saraquel alienates me from the story, but otherwise, it ain't half bad.
I feel it, firstly, wrong to take too many points off for not knowing who Saraquel is. I took off five points in the category, mostly because I didn't learn much about the character and couldn't sympathize much with her situation. On that note, I really didn't feel like this story was...necessary. It's like an excerpt from a bigger story; not a short story in itself. We're thrown into it as the readers and expected to swim at Saraquel's pace. Again, here I am at the fault of not knowing any background on the character or universe. It's rather unfair, so, as such, I will be open to adding a couple points if Corzak is willing to provide information to me on this story. The highest he can obtain from me is a 51 though, because the story still had plenty of problems.
On the bright side, what there was, went over very well. I enjoyed it. This entry was not a chore to go through, and the big shootout was entertaining. Plus, Corzak had impeccable grammar. I hope to see Corzak redeem himself next round, if he makes it.
Giral2010’s Review: 38/60
Although it was neat, the characters felt misused. I mean, the apes immediately knew what the humans were? They should be just as confused as we are, should they not? The cliche of aliens being all-knowing beings that have studied us made this a bit of a drag.
1st: Hayes: 157
2nd: Bdog: 149
3rd: Flygon: 147
4th: Corzak: 145
Wow! I was quite surprised that Corzak would get out but it was inevitable that all but one of you had to go. I mean Corzak you’re an amazing writer and it’s a shame to see eliminated from this competition. Keep writing because you are defiantly great at that and I want to see more from you, we all want you to keep writing so make us proud. One last thing, Corzak, who do you think is going to win this competition?
Week 4 Results
Spanishbulldog63
GodzillavsJason’s Review, Score: 56/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 9
Grammar:9
Story: 8
Characters: 10
Enthused: 10
SPOILERS!: Oh my god! That was….. just….. brutal, bro. Damn.. I just wow. Who seriously could have the balls to kill off all the kaiju we know and love with just a fatal. Damn. On to the review, as soon as I saw the title, I knew I was in for a ride with this story. It was an excellent what if, if King Ghidorah won at the end of DAM. An amazing plot with all the monsters falling one by victim to King Ghidorah like in a slasher flick. Though one problem with the story, I noticed Mothra’s disappearance right away and I could be wrong if I am I willing to bring the grade up two points. Which is a bit disturbing due to Mothra being one of Ghidorah’s main enemies but non the less was still enjoyable. Also loved the Oppenheimer speech at the end, amazing. Also my reaction for what you did to Angurius. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wRnSnfiUI54
Giral2010’s Review, Score 43/60
Length: 7
The story seemed to drag on and on, making it feel too long.
Spelling: 9
I noticed almost no spelling errors.
Grammar: 9
I noticed almost no grammar errors.
Story: 6
There wasn't much of an original story here, just a different outcome from an already used situation.
Characters: 5
You used the exact same characters from the situation as the original.
Enthused: 3
Story was un-enthusing.
King Caesar’s Review: 52/60
Score Breakdown:
• Alternate Reality Usage: 19/20
• Familiarity: 5/5
• Quality of Story: 20/25
• Grammar / Spelling / Length: 8/10
You’ve never seen the King of Monsters quite…like…this…
Choosing to go off of a universe that everyone here is familiar with, SpanishBulldog took advantage of one of the more underwhelming moments of Destroy All Monsters and turn it on its head. I did find this change to be beneficial. He modified the all-out battle to include every one of the combatants (it’s about time!). However, King Ghidorah took some steroids before going into this battle, and easily gave all of Monsterland’s inhabitants a pounding. A couple points were deducted for grammar mistakes sprinkled throughout. None were severe, but it’s something to watch out for next time around.
I also wasn’t sure if the mood felt right. What I mean is that sometimes it felt rather comedic (Anguiras serving as Godzilla’s mace), but it flips and goes super dark (Minya being crushed under King Ghidorah). I get the idea, but it’s not something that worked for me personally.
Other than that, let the new King of Monsters reign on!
Flygon King
GodzillavsJason’s Review, Score 42/60
Length: 7
Spelling: 10
Grammar: 8
Plot: 6
Characters: 6
Enthused: 5
Okay this was just okay but it has its problems such as being way too short. Though it barely went above it’s thousand-word minimum I just felt like it didn’t really feeling much of a good story. The whole AU story of it felt very anti-climatic as all the heroes had to do to win is have Bowser do something stupid. It just wasn’t that fulfilling to see the Mario brothers win because they didn’t have to do anything. I just didn’t enjoy the outcome of it and it had potential from what I saw really happen but it just wasn’t as good as I anticipated. There was also quite a bit of grammar mistakes but all in all just a bit disappointing but for what it was worth it wasn’t exactly bad.
Giral2010’s Review, Score: 38/60
Length: 6
Barely went over the minimum.
Spelling: 9
I noticed almost no spelling errors.
Grammar: 9
I noticed almost no grammar errors.
Story: 5
No action, just a dull situation in which a castle falls.
Characters: 5
Characters had minimal interesting back story or depth.
Enthused: 2
It felt like a chore rather than a privilege to read.
The story had no interesting depth or anything to enthuse us. Rather than bowser being defeated, he just did something dumb and lost.
King Caesar’s Review: 51/60
Score Breakdown:
• Alternate Reality Usage: 20/20
• Familiarity: 5/5
• Quality of Story: 19/25
• Grammar / Spelling / Length: 7/10
Shorter than Super Mario Bros. 3 with the magic flute, but with some high points.
I was surprised by by the brevity of this story. It does what it needs to, but it's over as soon as I'm fully engaged in the plot. That's not to say the ending's bad. It's quite good, actually. Flygon hasn't made a story I've disliked yet, and this ain't an exception. Something feels amiss though. There's essentially no character construction (all relying on backstory), other than Bowser and Dreambert (sorta). And, again, this is due to the shortness. I won't slam the story too much for that issue.
On the bright side, what there is is very entertaining, and it ranks up there with Flygon's game show entry a few weeks back in that respect. I hope that Flygon's writing here translates into his next entry, or, should he be eliminated, into his big stories.
HayesaJones
GodzillavsJason’s Review, Score: 55/60
Length: 10
Spelling: 8
Grammar: 7
Plot: 9
Characters: 10
Enthused: 9
Well done! You’ve outdone yourself yet again and I have to say for a series I never even really heard about, I really understood all the characters in the AU. This Goth bat sounds like an amazing villain and it was really easy to understand his motives for revenge. Plus the good characters were awesome too. I really liked the atmosphere plus Goth’s whole character and back-story were really amazing. Though a lot of spelling errors I noticed were mainly without spacing the words but nothing to bad. I have to say again really nice job and you’ve outdone yourself yet again.
Giral2010’s Review, Score: 58/60
Length: 10
Stories length did not drag, but rather had interesting story to fill the majority.
Spelling: 9
I noticed almost no spelling errors.
Grammar:9
I noticed almost no grammar errors.
Story: 8
A new situation in which goth hunts down his foe, rather than a situation with a different outcome.
Characters: 10
Characters were interesting, had depth, and were new to the situation.
Enthused: 10
A fun and absorbing story, i was quite sad when it ended though.
The story introduce a new situation and fun action with characters full of depth. You could really relate and feel the characters in this one.
King Ceasar’s Review: 56/60
• Alternate Reality Usage: 20/20
• Familiarity: 5/5
• Quality of Story: 22/25
• Grammar / Spelling / Length: 9/10
I’ve never been so intrigue by bats before…
It sorta reminds me Guardians of Ga’Hoole (or whatever that series was called with the owls). Hayes introduced readers to the universe and showed the what-if scenario with excellent storytelling technique. I think maybe it spent a little bit too much time building up to the intrusion, but it does not seriously bloat the story. Overall, not bad. I want to read more of this stuff…Hayes, hook me up, okay?
1st: HayesaJones: 169
2nd: Spanishbulldog63: 151
3rd: Flygon King: 131
What a shame to see another writer fall in this competition. It's a shame to see you go buddy, the man with a thousand ideas. I'm glad you were able to stay in this competition for so long and I'm sure you had a great time. I know in the future you'll make many more great stories so keep on writing. Now Flygon. Who do you think is going to win this competiton? Hayes? Or Spanishbulldog?
Seriously I don't know and I'm exhausted from school. So what do you expect me to do juggle chainsaws on a unicycle? 
