The Immortal Fight Discussion

[pta917]

So this is where you wil give your opinion to my fanfiction The Immortal Fight (http://www.tohokingdom.com/forum/viewto ... 18&t=14629)

[GodzillavsJason]

Hmm there was quite a lot of spelling errors and grammar errors in your first chapter. When you have lot of stuff like that it distracts the reader from reading the actual story and trying to figure out what the word actually means. Though that's not my only criticism as for the plot so far. How does Krugan to get to Omega since Mass Effect and Highlander are two different universes. Did he go through a wormhole? Did he chop someone's head off that caused a rip in time and space? Did he eat a baloney sandwich to get to Omega? How do we know he got here? Though I could be wrong but an explanation would be nice like an author's note or some background description. Though I'm not saying I hated it but I didn't think it was all that great. I thought it was just okay but I'll tell you what, I'll defiantly read the future chapters of this story.

[pta917]

So how is the Kurgan there??? This is Higlander in the Mass Effect usiverse so some of the original characters are going to be there and he got to Omega by a spaceship that is in the begining

[pta917]

New chapter. Mostly was written by me but it also was edited by GodzillavsJason.

[GodzillavsJason]

The chapter was good for the most part just needed me to edit it and yeah make sure you guys read his stories because they do have potential.

[pta917]

The chapter was good for the most part just needed me to edit it and yeah make sure you guys read his stories because they do have potential.

Thanks for the opinion and again thanks for the help

[pta917]

New chapter. Like the last one it was edited by GodzillavsJason

[GodzillavsJason]

Good chapter with some dialogue between Aria and the Krugan. Hopefully we'll see what happens next.

[Gojira21]

Hmmm... Not a bad story, it has my interest piqued because I'm a fan of Highlander. I'm not too sure these two universes fit well with each other but ill have wait to see more lol I know GvJ has been helping but there are still some minor grammar and spelling issues but experience will help correct that.

Still, good job. Look forward to seeing where this goes!

[pta917]

Hmmm... Not a bad story, it has my interest piqued because I'm a fan of Highlander. I'm not too sure these two universes fit well with each other but ill have wait to see more lol I know GvJ has been helping but there are still some minor grammar and spelling issues but experience will help correct that.

Still, good job. Look forward to seeing where this goes!

What can I say? Thanks for the opinion

[Gojira21]

Your welcome, only thing id advise is either use a few more comas when approiate or make runons into seperate sentences.

But dont worry, you will get better. I was ghe same way when i started writting

[pta917]

New chapter and like always it was edited by GodzillavsJason

[GodzillavsJason]

Yes things are really starting to get interesting and I would like how Kane killed the Batarain. Good stuff man.

[Gojira21]

Nice new chapter! Lot better this time on description and lot less spelling mistakes. Keep it up:)

[pta917]

Thanks. And you said you where a fan of Highlander so being one what do you think of how the Kurgan is in my story do you think it's like the original Kurgan???

[Gojira21]

Well ill admit its been a very long time since seen Highlander and the original Kurgan....but I do like the more aggressive side that you brought back

[pta917]

Well ill admit its been a very long time since seen Highlander and the original Kurgan....but I do like the more aggressive side that you brought back

First you should re-watch the movie and if a fan likes how I make the Kurgan I'm happy

[Gojira21]

Indeed I will lol and it's there rumors going around about a remake?

[pta917]

Indeed I will lol and it's there rumors going around about a remake?

I know about the rumor and it scary if they do what they did to alot of movie remakes

[Gojira21]

True lol but not all remakes have been bad