I’m a Toho and I’m a Daiei.
We open on a white background, with Godzilla and Gamera standing there.
They stand in silence for a bit, before Gamera clears his throat and says: ugh…I’m a Daiei?
Close up on Godzilla as he takes a cigar out of his mouth, puffing out a cloud of smoke before muttering: And I’m from Toho.
Gamera; Well, it’s about freakin’ time! You sent all your little goons to bother me, while you sat in some kind of high tower, afraid to face me yourself!
Godzilla: Yeah I sent ‘em…and they kicked your ass, didn’t they?
Godzilla: Ugh-hun. That’s what I thought. Tell me something Gamera: What’s it like having no friends?
Gamera: What? I have plenty of friends…
Godzilla: Who? I’ve never seen you have an ally in a movie, the only people who even stand up for you are the government…whom you should be stomping on anyway. So what gives man?
Gamera: Well, what about all the kids?
Godzilla: Oh yeah, a grown turtle hanging out with a bunch of little kids, that’s completely normal.
Gamera: You hang out with kids too. What about that pilsbury doughboy you keep around? Minya, or Minilla, or whatever stupid name he’s got…
Godzilla: That’s my son.
Gamera: How could you even have a son? I’ve never exactly met Lady-zilla. Have met Lady Kong though…she’s a…handful.
Godzilla: Lady Kong’s a whore. And both Minya and Jr. are from an old girlfriend of mine…went the way of the do-do bird…
Gamera: Whoa, that sounds dark, edgy, and relatable. Too bad Minya once hung out with…you guessed it, a kid! A little kid too…like you were trying to steal my audience and—
Godzilla: Your audience isn’t the only thing I stole.
Gamera: What? Oh maaaaan, you wanna go there? At least I can keep in continuity.
Godzilla: At least I had five more films released back then.
Gamera: Yeah, but your fans hated them. I get respect, wherever I go.
Godzilla: I get money for nothing, and chicks for free.
Godzilla: How many photos of you are circling around the internet, cavorting with young women? None? I thought as much. You’re very thought-inspiring.
Gamera: Well, I never had a big budget remake in AMERICA that totally bombed and is considered to be one of the worst movies ever made.
Godzilla: I never had Siskel and Ebert say they preferred one of your movies to one of mine.
Gamera: Yeah, but Ebert said your original movie was garbage.
They stand in silence for a moment, before Godzilla says: Excuse me?
Gamera: Yeah, he said Gojira was dated and not really worth anybody’s time. He said the effects were garbage compared to what they have today.
They stand in silence for a bit more, while Gamera waves his arms and says: Hey, Goji? Man? Are you okay? Say something buddy!
Godzilla pulls out a cell-phone, holding it up to his ear and saying: Hey Jennie? Get me a plane ticket to New York, stat.
Godzilla makes a move to exit, before he does so saying: Hey, Gamera, I gotta go, but before I do, let me give you some career advice, one professional to another. Y’know, just the big guy trying to help the little guy along in life.
Godzilla: Hang yourself. Soon.
Godzilla walks away, leaving Gamera to stare after him for a beat, before fading to black, where we hear him say: I might do that you know!
Okay, That's what I wanted to do. I got a couple more ideas, if you want to read them...If anybody wants to, you have my permission to write your own.
I had a fun time writing them, and I hope you enjoyed them.
Before it can be filmed, drawn, acted or programed, it must be written.