All right, I'll bite. Why do reviews like these and Ebert's get me in such a tizzy?
1) They mislead the readers. Imagine that you were someone wanting to get into the franchise. You wonder where to start, and not knowing of TK, you look up some reviews. Unfortunately some of the reviews you stumble upon are by this joker, and now your interest in the franchise has been lowered. You still have some interest so you decide to look up the first film of the franchise which fans praise, but you stumble upon a review by a highly respected film critic (guess who) and after reading you end up deciding that the franchise isn't worth your time.
2) They're skreeonk half-assed to high heaven and hell. When I was in high school, I had to do film reviews for some of my english courses. If I handed in anything similar to these, I would have skreeonk failed the assignment because they'd be riddled with so many errors my teachers would question whether or not I was skreeonk paying any attention at all. These clowns are getting paid for their work, so I skreeonk expect they put in a tad bit more effort in doing their skreeonk job.
Today, at the edge of our hope...
At the end of our time, we have chosen to believe in each other.
Today we face the monsters that are at our door.
TODAY WE ARE CANCELLING THE APOCALYPSE!