Trolling Godzilla Fans

For discussions covering more than one Toho film or show that span across more than one “era.”
User avatar
Jomei
G-Force Lieutenant
Posts: 2530
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:44 pm

Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby Jomei » Thu Mar 12, 2015 12:40 pm

If you've ever read an Encyclopedia Dramatica article, you'll know many of them feature sections with how-to guides on trolling individuals or groups. Given how many shit-through-a-goose-storms happen here at TK and throughout the Godzilla web fandom, I thought it might be fun to discuss what you find to be the most probable topics/statements/phrases to start trouble. I'm detailing a few, but please list more.

This is for entertainment purposes only. It is just for a chuckle, a humorous commentary on our community, and no actual offense is intended. We are not responsible for the soreness of your butt.


The 1998 Film and GINO: "Why all the hate?"
Mere mention of the 1998 Godzilla film is enough to spark mindless shit-flinging among garden variety Godzilla fans. Taking a rabid pro-1998 stance is even more likely to attract flames and, eventually, white knights who will step up for the right to love that piece of poop film. Godzilla fans will never forgive or forget, and those who want to will only get angrier and angrier if you won't let them.

Tips
+ Quibble over what the creature's name is. Be 100% confident (cite Wikizilla no matter what you're saying) that its OFFICIAL name is Zilla, GINO, Ziller, Gigantis, or whatever you want. Be sure to mention that Toho officially changed the copyright.
+ Compare it favorably to the 2014 film or say they are basically the same.
+ Make disparaging remarks about the "slow" or "unrealistic" Toho Godzillas of the past.

The 2014 Film: Gareth the Master Ruseman
While many fans loved, liked, or at least accepted this incarnation of the King of the Monsters*, it is, like every single other thing in the Godzilla universe, the source of endless rage and angst. You should declare it either the best or the worst Godzilla film ever made, pointing to either the great success or total failure at the box office (kek) as evidence for your Objective (Critical!) Opinion. Keep in mind, Gareth Edwards is Not a True Fan, and he made the film just to hurt the Americans he hates by teasing them with Godzilla as a guest star in his own film.

Tips.
+ Hey, how about those feet?
+ Godzilla is fat. Sasuga Americans.
+ Muh nuclear origin
+ Isn't this whole film just a total whitewash of Hiroshima/Japanese people/GINO/Obamacare?
+ "Post-humanism"
+ CGI vs Suitmation
+ Musuko wa doko da!?


*No longer King of the Monsters. Slattern is reigning King per official Guillermo del Toho statements.

Bagan
A fat BOLKY, over-designed, super-bloated Heisei '90s aesthetic monstrosity from the worst video game in history. An unstoppable force of EPIC proportions, the wet dream of Fantasy Match neckbeards. His SH MonsterArts release is imminent.

Tips
+ Ask Tamashii Nations when the SHMA will be out.
+ Insist that his power level makes him ideal for every movie/comic/video game/figure line
+ Start petitions. These are guaranteed to have results and prove THE HATERS wrong
+ Bagan belongs in every conversation. His power level is so high that it penetrates even topics unrelated to Godzilla

Marmit vinyl figures (SOFUBI)
These McDonald's Happy Meal toys are collected by rich weeaboo manchildren without the sophistication to appreciate hundreds of points of articulation. They're great in the bathtub or sandbox, and your dog will love chewing on them.

Tips
+ Bandai USA figures are just as good if not better and can be bought at your local Kmart, just like everything good in life.
+ Marmits can be won as carnival prizes at Hentai (Tea Ceremony) conventions in Japan
+ They can't even do the splits.

User avatar
UltramanGoji
Seatopian Daikaiju
Posts: 14163
Joined: Fri Dec 31, 2010 11:40 am
Location: Western New York
Contact:

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby UltramanGoji » Thu Mar 12, 2015 1:02 pm

Tamashii Nations and the Glorious [sic] S.H. MonsterArts Line
The ultimate Godzilla collectible. Obviously superior in every single way to those clunky and droll vinyl figures and those statueshit X-PLUS things. Those who can't afford this are simply poor Irishmen who would rather dabble in such lesser forms of collecting as the *gag* NECA figures.

Tips:
+ Tamashii Nations is only in it for the Heisei money and will milk that cow until it's bones are dry.
+ Showa will never happen. Ever.
+ The Godzilla 2014 figure isn't inaccurate, it's how Japan thinks Godzilla should look like.
+ Always state the status of your MA orders. Be as off-topic as possible.
+ Complain endlessly about the dry spells between figures.
Image

User avatar
Jomei
G-Force Lieutenant
Posts: 2530
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:44 pm

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby Jomei » Thu Mar 12, 2015 1:17 pm

King of the Monsters No More
Though it's a completely baseless marketing tool concocted by Hollywood's Secret Patriarchy, True Fans are adamant that Godzilla is the one true King of the Monsters and that this title is pregnant (like GINO) with meaning. Like brainwashed drones, True Fans will chant nonsense such as, "The King returns to the throne!" and "Bow down to the KING!" The King status is also highly relevant to any fantasy match, as if Godzilla were to ever lose, he would be no True King. Fans are completely reasonable in defending this point.

Tips
+ Point out that Godzilla is no longer King of the Monsters.
+ A list of things that have defeated Godzilla, rendering him No Longer King:
1. Dr. Serizawa's patented bubblebath
2. a drunken grape ape
3. two worms and some little girls
4. heartburn
5. missiles
6. poor box office returns
7. Bagan, probably.

#SlatternKing
Guillermo del Toho wrote:"I wanted him to come out of the depths of the ocean, and his head to not be horns but to evoke that, it has a real mean intelligence. He is the only Kaiju whose head looks like a real crown. I wanted very much to have him be clearly the king of the Kaiju." p.148 (Man, Machines & Monsters)

Image
Slattern is actually official King of the Monsters. This is canon and cannot be questioned. Godzilla fans welcomed Pacific Rim with open arms and were not the least bit threatened by a new kaiju franchise, so they'll be receptive to opinions about why all the Pacific Rim kaiju are better and stronger than the Former King.


NECA toys: National Ethnic Cleansing Aryan toys
These "figures" are literal dogshit slapped together by monkeys somewhere in east Asia and sold to impoverished American neckbeards who don't know how much better Japan's toys are. Not only are their materials inferior, their paints sloppier, and their articulation cruder, but these piles of garbage will self-destruct on your shelf (no, really). NECA'd again!

It is well-known that Randy, the grand wizard of NECA, hates the Japanese and is using his Godzilla line to drag The King's name through the dirt of China. You can show him what a mature, True Fan you are by voicing your complaints repeatedly on twitter, where he will be more than happy to ignore you and reblog rare photos of unbroken NECA toys.

Tips
+ NECA vs SHMA - these conversations always go well, and the comparisons between these SUPER SIMILAR lines are extremely relevant.
+ Whenever something is revealed, exaggerate its flaws to the point at which sculpting errors are equal to crimes against humanity. If you don't like something, it is objectively poop and an insult to The FANS
+ Type PASS to register that you will not buy the product. Post this on every page so everyone knows you're not buying it.
+ Any actual broken toys are caused by flabby American hamhands, so be sure to blame the owner of the toy.
+ They're very open to producing a Godzilla 1998 figure, so hit Randy up @NECA_toys on twitter. Just keep asking--he likes to play hard to get.

User avatar
LSD Jellyfish
Kwaidan
Posts: 6552
Joined: Fri Jan 23, 2015 11:57 pm
Location: 富士山

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby LSD Jellyfish » Thu Mar 12, 2015 3:37 pm

Jomei I love you <3

King Ghidorah Fans:
WHOA DUDE, KING GHIDORAH IS SO COOL! HE'S SO BADASS. HE GOES AROUND DESTROYING poop AND PLANETS.

You've seen these KG fanboys. Despite not being as unique as Gigan, having the raw Firepower of Mechagodzilla, the intimidation of Destroyah or the grossness of Hedorah somehow King Ghidorah has become a fan favorite. He appears time and time again as a cliche go to guy when TOHO can't think of a new monster or a new intimidating villain.

Tips:
-Point out King Ghidorah has never won a fight. Yep.
-Point out he's always someone's skreeonk and under mind control with the exception of his original film.
-Point out that his beams do dick to Godzilla or most other monsters he fights.
-Point out in the Heisei timeline he originated from three furbys.
-Point out he has zero characterization or personality.
-Point out Minya's atomic smoke knocked out his head in DAM.
-Point out he has an ugly beard.
-Point out he has no arms and other than stomping poop into the ground or using his heads to constrict goes (which always ends in one head getting blown off) he sucks at Melee.
-Point out a lot of his footage of him destroying cities doesn't actually show him destroying it and as a result is used for stock footage for Megalon.
-Point out Mougera+Dogora predates him as the first space monster.
-Point out that Godzilla and Rodan have way more screentime in comparison and the human assassination plot gets more focus in his own debut film.

Bonus points for:
-Calling him Gheedrah, Ghidrah.
Last edited by LSD Jellyfish on Thu Mar 12, 2015 3:51 pm, edited 3 times in total.
_JNavs_ wrote:The MV is like cheap imitation crabmeat, it tastes good, but it isn't real, while Shin is kino peak Japanese performance.

Rodan95 wrote:The Shobijin are sat on by a fatass explorer and killed. Mothra is pissed and destroys Japan.

User avatar
1tisoygoji
Futurian
Posts: 1504
Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2014 7:34 pm
Location: Big Kahuna Burger

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby 1tisoygoji » Thu Mar 12, 2015 3:38 pm

I love this thread
TK's Jazz Enthusiast and Alcoholic

User avatar
Gerdzerl
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 3427
Joined: Sun Jan 12, 2014 4:16 pm
Location: Inside an 80's neon space station in high orbit
Contact:

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby Gerdzerl » Thu Mar 12, 2015 3:45 pm

yes this is amazing

moar pls

User avatar
M.U.T.O.
EDF Soldier
Posts: 3570
Joined: Mon Jun 30, 2014 4:13 pm
Location: Fighting Godzilla in the GeoFront
Contact:

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby M.U.T.O. » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:15 pm

I love this.
Artist. Writer. Creator.

KaijuX wrote:Bagan is infused with Bagan and Ghidorah Cells

Derzerb wrote:
M.U.T.O. wrote:At this point, I have to ask. Have we devolved into absolute unbridled psychological diarrhea?

I blame Shinji Ikari for this.

Tokumei wrote:never forget tadpole :godzilla:

User avatar
MDK
Terminated
Terminated
Posts: 1484
Joined: Wed Jan 09, 2013 6:17 am
Location: ZILLA HATERS HQ

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby MDK » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:19 pm

Heisei Fans
Underage children who just got a TK account will claim that this is the best series, despite the effects being outdated by '90's terms, the obese aesthetic every monster has, and the awful writing that needs a Sci-Fi Japan article to be defended. You'll be called an old Showa Fanboy who thinks Showa is perfect if you dare criticize it.
Tips
+Claim that Heisei fans are very young
+Call yourself an old Showa Fanboy who "shoves eras down people's throats"
+Mention how the monsters are all fat as hell
+Talk about the plastic look some monsters like Battra have
+Say Minya is better than Godzilla Junior
+Mention how the continuity is hot garbage
+Point out how much missed potential is in the concepts
+Akira Ifukube's scores are amazing, yet rehashed as all hell
+Say the fights are boring as hell since all the monsters do is bump into each other and praise Showa fights
+Bagan will never get a movie
+Godzilla Junior will never come out in a movie again
TK's resident O L D S H O W A F A N B O Y who is a salty heisei and sticklegs zilla H A T E R and GINO fan S T E R E O T Y P E R and member who threw a T E M P E R T A N T R U M over Vega
Legion1979 wrote:The Godzilla fandom tends to attract three types of people; ignorant kids, social deviants and drunks in their late '20s and older. Lol

SaltPersonified wrote:Says the one who threw a temper tantrum over Vega

If you're forced ignored with me and you see this because you logged out to read my posts you need a life lol

User avatar
2004Zilla
E.S.P.Spy
Posts: 4959
Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 4:38 pm
Location: Val Verde
Contact:

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby 2004Zilla » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:33 pm

Fantasy Matches
No larger amount of testosterone and adrenalin has ever been recorded than in the Fantasy Matches section. There you'll find diehard "fans" screaming at each other, making comments questioning the intelligence of a user and insults about each others mothers. I love it when users make threats to one another! Oh, and sometimes there's little discussions about who would win in a fight between two monsters.


Tips:
+ Don't put links to the combatants powers when making a match
+ Overrate the poop out of your favorite kaiju. No damn way he's going to lose in this match!
+ SpaceGodzilla vs Destoroyah sparks a lot of interesting "discussions"
+ Hell, put SpaceGodzilla in any match and you'll get replies
+ Have Burning Godzilla, SpaceGodzilla, Destoroyah, Legion, and Super MechaGodzilla all on the same team. Go on, I dare ya.
+ When a user disagrees with you, make a long-ass post with a lot of numbers and statistics to prove you're super smart
+ If they still disagree with you, resort to name-calling
+ Gwangi, Gwangi, we got Gwangi here!
+ Make "Pacific Rim monsters r toilet papre!" comment
+ Legendary Godzilla beats all. No exceptions.
+ It's a user group now. But skreeonk you, we ain't telling you how to get in!
Last edited by 2004Zilla on Thu Mar 12, 2015 9:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.
SuperPawnageGigan wrote:What has this thread become.

Image

User avatar
Jomei
G-Force Lieutenant
Posts: 2530
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:44 pm

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby Jomei » Thu Mar 12, 2015 4:45 pm

Guide to the Eras

Showa Series (AKA Worst Series): Cardboard Boxes and Toy Cars
The only people who really enjoy these movies are middle aged manchildren and hipsters. There is no continuity, the "special effects" are so bad that any Westerner will laugh or puke. In fact, the cities in the films are created from literal cardboard boxes and Matchbox cars imported from the Greatest Country on Earth. You can see the wires in every shot, which was evidently good enough for the brainless children they were made for. Created by A.G. Subursaiyan, Inoshiro "Little" Honda, and Sompote Sands, the Showa series is full of boring characters, nonsensical plots, and lackluster battle scenes that offer little of interest for Fantasy Matches, which are the center of the fandom. Half of the monsters don't even have heat rays, and, rather than the brooding, regenerating, invincible mountain of BOLK that the true artists introduced in the Heisei series, the Showa Godzilla is a flabby, bumbling doofus (just like his fans) who can't even beat an alcoholic gorilla in a sumo wrestling match.

Showa fanboys actually believe these are the best movies ever made and refuse to acknowledge the fact that the Heisei films have continuity, which makes them objectively better.

Tips
+ Point out that Roger Ebert, the creator of film, thinks "Gojeera" is a steaming pile of poop.
+ Talk about the use of stock footage, which makes up the BOLK of the Showa series
+ Remind Showa fans that SHMA makes mostly Heisei figures because they are the best versions of the characters
+ Showa films are immature garbage, unlike Heisei films, which are true art for deep, misunderstood souls.
+ King Kong vs Godzilla and Mothra vs Godzilla are the worst films in the franchise because Godzilla loses. Start petitions to force Toho to change these films.
+ In the Japanese version of King Kong vs Godzilla, Godzilla wins.
+ Any film with Minya is bad because Minya is an ugly asshole
+ Final Wars is a tribute to the Showa series, and it feels exactly like one of those films but much more exciting.

User avatar
2004Zilla
E.S.P.Spy
Posts: 4959
Joined: Fri Apr 18, 2014 4:38 pm
Location: Val Verde
Contact:

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby 2004Zilla » Thu Mar 12, 2015 5:02 pm

Bump for Jomei

There's no fate but what we make! - The 2016 Godzilla film
Although practically nothing has been revealed about the new film Toho has planned, speculation has gone through the roofs. Among this speculation you'll find ideas that are great, and ideas that are not so great. While it's commonly said that every opinion should be respected, after all, they're opinions, posting stuff such as the below will get you some... not very respectful opinions, to say the least.

Tips:
+ This new movie should totally be a continuation of the Heisei series!
+ I think the M.U.T.O.'s should return to fight Godzilla!
+ Godzilla should be made as realistic as possible, like having a theropod stance!
+ Sounds great, but it seems like an obvious cash-grab off the 2014 film
+ I want suits!
+ I want CGI!
+ Why not both?
+ I think Godzilla should look like [Deviant Art Image] or maybe [Modern T. rex Image]
SuperPawnageGigan wrote:What has this thread become.

Image

User avatar
JAGzilla
Kwaidan
Posts: 6902
Joined: Mon Apr 18, 2011 6:45 pm
Location: Georgia

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby JAGzilla » Thu Mar 12, 2015 5:17 pm

Thank you, Jomei. I needed to be reminded why I love this forum so much. :lol:

User avatar
Jomei
G-Force Lieutenant
Posts: 2530
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:44 pm

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby Jomei » Thu Mar 12, 2015 5:41 pm

Ultraman - All that's left when you realize Godzilla is terrible
Ultraman is a low-budget parody of the Godzilla series owned and created by Sompote Sands after the smashing success of Godzilla vs Megalon. Ultraman is based on Jet Jaguar but without any of the Jack Nicholson charm. To save what little budget he had, Sompote created Ultraman with a three minute time limit for battle, meaning that, just like with any Godzilla movie, you can just fast-forward to the end, because everything else is trash.

Guide to the monsters
Gomora - Based on Gamera, the flying turtle, this kaiju is boring and has no beams. However, his HEISEI series incarnation features a OHKO move that's perfect for fantasy matches, so you should always pick him as your starter Pokemon.
Redkong - To get around copyright issues, Sompote created his own corn-based version of King Kong. Garth Edmunds based his design for Godzilla 2012 on this monster.
Kamen Rider - Ultraman's nemesis, this bicycle-riding Social Justice Warrior is based on the popular American series Power Rangers.
JirASS - Godzilla with foreskin. Times were tough in Japan.

Tips
+ Nobody cares about Ultraman. Just plug in a good ol' Heisei Godziller and zoom to the fight!


Gamera
Originally conceived as a competitor for Godzilla, Gamera was eventually co-opted by a secret Japanese Science Project to warp the psyches of young children while exposing them to a variety of mind-altering drugs. This is reflected in films that can best be described as some really skreeonked up DXM trips that might give you a weird boner. Mmm, brain-eating alien babes. Feed me the doughnuts. :dizzy:

After all of the children of the '70s committed seppuku, the Heisei Gamera series was launched. Despite costing less and being Objectively Better than every Godzilla movie ever, no one has actually seen any of the films because Everything Godzilla is Good, and anything that's not Godzilla is not worth your time. Gamera the Brave was a boring film for pussy little children, so it flopped. Try injecting some Heisei badassery next time, losers.

Tips
+ 2015 is Gamera's anniversary, but Prime Minister of Japan Emperor Hirohito has banned celebration, so the film is canceled forever.
+ SHMA actually put out a Heisei Gamera figure, as they would rather dip into second-rate characters than go anywhere near the toxic Showa series.
+ Showa Gamera > Showa Godzilla because no Minya
+ Remember, Godzilla is the King of the Monsters, so don't even bother with the turtle
+ A Godzilla vs Gamera film is bound to happen. Petition, anyone?

User avatar
Living Corpse
Seatopian Daikaiju
Posts: 10272
Joined: Sat Dec 27, 2014 10:49 pm

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby Living Corpse » Thu Mar 12, 2015 8:07 pm

Toy topics.

/thread
Image

edgaguirus
Kwaidan
Posts: 5517
Joined: Wed Jul 28, 2010 1:25 pm

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby edgaguirus » Thu Mar 12, 2015 8:31 pm

Bring up the unmade films. Watch them wax endlessly about what the movies might have been like.
Kaiju are just like people- giant, radioactive people.

Megalon went into a bar and saw Gigan. Megalon said, " Again? I thought you gave this up."
" What can I say," Gigan asked. " I'm hooked."

User avatar
Gojira tai Mosura
G-Grasper
Posts: 1327
Joined: Fri Sep 05, 2014 8:36 am
Location: Right next to Mothra
Contact:

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby Gojira tai Mosura » Fri Mar 13, 2015 6:28 am

2004Zilla wrote:Tips:
+ Don't put links to the combatants powers when making a match
+ Overrate the poop out of your favorite kaiju. No damn way he's going to lose in this match!
+ SpaceGodzilla vs Destoroyah sparks a lot of interesting "discussions"
+ Hell, put SpaceGodzilla in any match and you'll get replies
+ Have Burning Godzilla, SpaceGodzilla, Destoroyah, Legion, and Super MechaGodzilla all on the same team. Go on, I dare ya.
+ When a user disagrees with you, make a long-ass post with a lot of numbers and statistics to prove you're super smart
+ If they still disagree with you, resort to name-calling
+ Gwangi, Gwangi, we got Gwangi here!
+ Make "Pacific Rim monsters r toilet papre!" comment
+ Legendary Godzilla beats all. No exceptions.
+ It's a user group now. But skreeonk you, we ain't telling you how to get in!

Yes! I love you! Even though I love Fantasy Matches, all of this is hilariously true.
Wasn't I the one who said "put SpaceGodzilla in a match and instantly fanboys who overrate him to high heaven" show up? I'm pretty sure I was, given when I had that huge rant about SpaceGodzilla "being banned from Fantasy Matches" (yeah because that would totally happen) because he was incredibly overrated.
Gojira Tai Mosura: Clumsiest Toho Kingdom Member Ever.
I disappear for fifteen thousand minutes, come back for two seconds.

User avatar
DinoMaster
JXSDF Technician
Posts: 773
Joined: Thu Aug 28, 2014 7:40 am
Location: Somewhere deep within the Twilight Zone

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby DinoMaster » Fri Mar 13, 2015 7:14 am

All of this is golden. It's made my day.

User avatar
g2vd
Kwaidan
Posts: 6917
Joined: Mon Sep 15, 2014 9:36 am

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby g2vd » Fri Mar 13, 2015 8:37 am

Quick someone PM this thread to MM.
Godzilla

User avatar
Creature22
G-Grasper
Posts: 1403
Joined: Mon Aug 29, 2011 9:06 am

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby Creature22 » Fri Mar 13, 2015 1:09 pm

This thread is great.

The Fanboys
It's easy to tell a fanboy. Here are some of the many traits:
-They usually start in Middle School or younger, and balance a love between Godzilla and "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic."
-They claim that they are all Godzilla's "number one fan." The fanboys claim to know all there is to know despite the fact that they do not branch out beyond anything that Godzilla does not appear in.
-Godzilla 1998 is sacrilegious in their belief. You can't call him GINO. You can't call him Zilla. You're not allowed to mention him. You are allowed to call him "that awful mess up that isn't Toho that Sony and Tristar released and it makes me so mad and I wasn't even born when it came out and aurhesaogha3829!!!" Japanese Godzilla always beats Tristar Godzilla*.

*Except for the animated version. For some reason unanswered, he is excused always. Also Zilla action figures, which every fanboy wants.

-Bandai wins! The fanboys live off of mass produced vinyl figures for children. They ask their parents for money so that they can buy expensive toys and make choppy stop motion animations with them. They plague the "Bandai Creation and NECA Feedback" thread, constantly asking for Bagan, Zilla* and Female MUTO, or just dishing it out on NECA for not being Bandai. The more detail, the better. If there isn't detail or articulation on a figure, you're an idiot.
-They've seen every Godzilla movie to date. They're list of "favorite movies" will feature 85% Godzilla, 10% animated films, and 5% actual movies.
-Tell them "Godzilla is just a big dumb dinosaur" for your free lecture about the horrors of nuclear testing.
-They have a Gomora fetish (see Ultraman)
-Gamera can't win. He can't.
-They have a Bagan fetish
-They secretly love Zilla 1998*
-To get them fired up, tell them they are hiding the fact that they secretly love Zilla 1998
-They morph into fanmen, a term yet to be officially coined due to the fact that fanboys aren't fully grown. Neckbeard is inevitable. So are relationships.
-They have a Red King fetish (see Gomora)
-Emo is the honorary haircut of the fanboy.

User avatar
Jomei
G-Force Lieutenant
Posts: 2530
Joined: Sun Nov 23, 2014 2:44 pm

Re: Trolling Godzilla Fans

Postby Jomei » Fri Mar 13, 2015 1:19 pm

X-Plus Fresh Vinyl
BOXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX DAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! X-Plus vinyl statues are the only TOYS worth your money, and if you can't afford to collect them all, you are a half-assed fan. While the sculpts of these works of 100% flawless suit-reproduction are sometimes not as accurate as $15 toys sculpted by Bandai a decade ago, they are still better because they cost more and come in two sizes, so you have to buy them twice.

True collectors know that collecting doesn't mean picking up current products accessible to your Half-Assed Fan or seeking out items of historical, artistic, or collectible value. Being a collector means paying top dollar TODAY for items that are ALREADY RARE AND VALUABLE because they were manufactured to be that way. It doesn't matter if another company puts out an item in a lower price point because X-Plus is the best by virtue of its prices. Otherwise, we'd be real suckers for paying such prices, right? Hurry, this thing is going to be $1000 at G-Fest!

Tips
+ Scream box day and post pictures of the cardboard box containing your toy.*
+ X-Plus is a high-quality company, and that's why they charge high prices. There are no problems with any of their products.
+ If it's not X-Plus, it's poop.
+ YA GET WHAT YA PAY FOR
+ Diamond is reissuing everything at lower prices, so be sure to remind X-Plus diehards how much money they pissed away on muh imported Ric Boy exclusives.

*Box Day is a copyrighted catchphrase of Rich Eso. Use of the phrase entails paying royalties to the Fresh Vinyl Corporation, a subsidiary of X-Plus.


S.H. MonsterArts: The End-All Be-All
Image
Once, there was nothing but unarticulated excrement in the world of Godzilla collectibles. Then, there was MonsterArts. Neckbearded manchildren had been left with nothing to do with their hands but to furiously masturbate to Fantasy Matches until the Glorious Gods at Tamashii Nations bestowed upon them the stop-motion animation fodder they had only dreamed of. With pretty gud sculpts by the likes of Huey Sakai and Shinichi Wakasa, the SHMA line added hundreds of points of articulation to bloated Heisei designs that literally could not scratch their own asses, giving them the totally necessary range of motion to do the Iron Man pose. Off to the YouTubes!!!

While some have stupidly criticized the compromises made to sculpts, True Fans know that doing the splits is the only real test of a toy. Furthermore, these toys come with an abundance of accessories to make their high price points worth it ACCESSORIES CANCELED HAHAH SHOW ME THE MONEY - Tamashit Nations

Tips
+ Trigger words: sandbox, bathtub, "they fall apart out of the box", accessories, price point, NECA
+ Most of the people in the SHMA thread are paid Tamashii shills and/or scalpers.
+ Every monster will get made. It's just a matter of time. - Straight from the horse's mouth
+ Showa monsters are slightly smaller because "relative scale."
+ Bandai has gone on record that the SHMA is here to replace the shitty vinyl figures of the past.
+ The Godzilla 2014 figure is the official Worst Figure of 2014, as voted by the entirety of the Godzilla fandom.
+ The 2014 figure's inaccuracies are actually corrections to the American design. Did we mention it can do the splits?
+ If any other company releases a figure, loudly proclaim, "Meh! I'll just wait for the MonsterArts!"

RED ALERT!!!!!!
Every figure in the line is about to sell out! The prices will skyrocket beyond your wildest imagination, so you have to buy them NOW. Contact me, your local "dealer," at [REDACTED] for reasonably priced Out of Production Monsters!
Last edited by Jomei on Fri Mar 13, 2015 5:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.


Return to “General Toho Films”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest