I've been writing stories for decades.
"Wait a minute," some of
you must be thinking. "Tom, aren't you 24-years-old?"
As a matter of fact, yes. Yes I am.
"So you've been writing since
you were, like, four?"
Hey, it's not like I've been writing
good stories for decades! Since my childhood, I've
made some minor improvements in my spelling, grammar,
and creativity. So I'm a little better than that
one Godzilla comic I made back in pre-school. Even
though I've gotten older, one thing remains the
same, and that's my undying love for kaiju eiga!
As fans, we love our monsters. We
especially love our giant monsters. And we especially
love it when our giant monsters fight it out inside
a miniaturized city. It's one of the biggest reasons
why we watch these movies. Oh sure, we're also fans
of the plot, the characters, the symbolism, and
all that other fancy stuff that makes us sound like
credible moviegoers. But let's not kid ourselves.
Monster action is what keeps us coming back for
But not even the films can captivate
us forever! We want more! We're tired of seeing
Godzilla defending Tokyo from King Ghidorah for
hundredth time. Y'know what we'd really like to
see? Godzilla versus Gamera! Rodan versus King Kong!
I'd pay to see those fights on the big screen. Odds
are we never will though. Bummer! Don't worry! We
have alternatives. You can always make a cool animated
short. You could always to write a screenplay, maybe
even pitch it to Toho if you have the right contacts.
Hey, why not ask some artist to whip up a drawing?
Matt Frank would be the right guy to ask. If you're
really desperate, why not start a discussion with
other fans, and argue over what would really happen
if these monsters fought each other to the death?
All great ideas. Really, they're all fun, innovative,
Oh, right! There is another alternative.
Many years ago I founded the M.W.F.
(Monster Wrestling Federation). It was a very popular
attraction to my now extinct website. But like all
great things, it had to end. But it's legacy lived
on when I started working for Toho Kingdom. I was
tasked with breathing new life into what was formerly
known as the T.M.W.F. (Toho Monster Wrestling Federation).
But when I officially joined up, it had a different
It's called the K.W.C. (Kaiju War
Chronicles). It's part of this really cool, popular
little website called Toho Kingdom. It's about monsters
expressing themselves in the best way they know
how: fighting. They do this in stories written by
the fans for the fans. We've been writing these
stories for several years now.
So imagine my surprise when Anthony
Romero, the owner and founder of Toho Kingdom himself,
offered me money for all of my hard work and dedication.
Wait, what? That's not what this is about? Then
why the hell am I writing this?! Oh. Oh… OH!
Oh come on! That's what this is about?!
Well, apparently I'm supposed to
provide some backstory behind Toho Kingdom's 2011
April Fools Event. Sorry about all that buildup.
I'm sure you were expecting something epic. Blame
the purple snake running this operation for ruining
the moment. Anyway, I better get back to doing my
job, the one I don't get paid for…
Every year we do something different
for April Fools. There's always a different theme.
This year Anthony asked if I'd be interested in
doing a KWC inspired prank. Now I've been toying
with the idea of writing a parody story for years.
But I lacked the motivation and inspiration to pull
it off. Until now -- err, more like two weeks before
April Fools. That's around the time Anthony asked
if I'd be interested in doing this.
That's when it all fell into place.
After exchanging ideas, I went to
work. I had only a few rules to follow.
Rule #1: Do NOT stop writing until
the story is complete.
Rule #2: Do NOT stop to fix spelling
or grammar errors.
Rule #3: Do NOT plan much. This must
be as spontaneous as humanly possible.
Rule #4: Bend SOME of these rules.
I had a blast writing this. I really
really did. My friends would tell you I'm a jokester
at heart. I love making people laugh. One of my
favorite ways to make people laugh is by poking
fun at myself. Because I can totally take it. So
I wanted to parody the very things I love most about
I love talking about kaiju. They're
fantastic characters. They are to humans what humans
are to everything else. Tragic, terrifying, powerful,
and larger than life. Yes, they usually star in
campy films, and look fake as hell (there are a
few exceptions). Whatever. I love these characters.
Whether I'm discussing who'd win between Destoroyah
and SpaceGodzilla or brainstorming why Godzilla
is one of my favorite characters, I'm passionate
through and through!
Some would call my passion an obsession.
They're probably right. So instead of having a nervous
breakdown while watching every Godzilla movie ever
made -- did I mention I'd be in my custom-made Jet
Jaguar costume during this time? -- and hack into
Toho Kingdom out of grief, I poke fun at myself
(and a great deal of others) to relax.
Before writing for the K.W.C., I
asked Anthony if I could use non-Toho beasties.
He broke my heart by saying no. Oh well. Not a big
deal! All was not lost! I'll just include some cool
cartoon kaiju… Oh, right. They weren't allowed
either. So I had to rely on sneaking them into our
stories in the most subtlest ways. (Quickly, go
read past matches in the vain hope of finding these
fake easter eggs! I'll wait.) So that's one reason
behind the inclusions of Evangelion, Cthulhu, Big
O, and the Cloverfield Monster (just to name a few)
in this year's April Fools event. I also wanted
to use 'em because I'm a fan of all those characters
and thought they'd be perfect for the crazy storyline.
I also wanted to shine the spotlight more on the
'underdogs' of the kaiju world: Gabara, Zilla, and
Jet Jaguar. That didn't happen quite the way I wanted.
But it was fun making them super-powerful, regardless.
I cannot forget another K.W.C. tradition.
It's one we've all become accustomed to. Need a
hint? It's the banners! My longtime friend and collaborator,
Christian Salabert, started making the K.W.C. banners
years ago. Since then we've recruited other photoshop
artists: Goji girl and Varan58. They've proven how
irreplaceable they are to the site time and time
again. One in particular helped me make the April
Fools banner (it IS tradition). While Goji girl
will help shed more light on her involvement, I
will say this: I asked her to make a really bad
banner. Instead we got a hilariously awesome banner.
That's just a testament of her incredible skills.
Before letting you go (because you
can't leave without me giving you permission), I'll
clue you in on the interesting format and writing
style I implemented in the April Fools Match. Anyone
familiar with screenwriting would recognize it.
I'm a screenwriter myself. Several years ago, I
wrote a very short Godzilla screenplay. It was so
bad, it was really bad. By really bad, I mean worse
than the K.W.C. matches Anthony wrote. So ever since
then I've been very wary of doing a screenplay on
kaiju. Because the failures of my past continue
to haunt me even to this present day (I'm totally
using this in a future story since it sounded gothic,
ominous, and tragic). Almost every Godzilla fan
has at one moment in time thought about writing
and/or directing a feature length Godzilla film.
We all secretly want to become Ascended Fanboys.
So why not write like one? That's really the gist
of the plot: a Godzilla fan is writing a parody
screenplay about a Godzilla fan writing a screenplay
with him as the main character in the hopes of becoming
Thanks for reading and enjoy the
show! It's so totally becoming a film someday.
On the Toho Kingdom forums, you've
might've noticed how the KW.C. has its own subforum.
It allows its readers to give us feedback, ideas,
and fights they'd like to see (avoid telling us
who should win though). We've had many memorable
discussions. So you're welcome to join us there.
Maybe you'd be interested in writing for the KW.C.
yourself? If so, go there now, and find out more
Goji Girl's editorial commentary:
"When I got the request to do
this banner, I had to pick up my hanging jaw up
off the keyboard. Who knew these guys could come
up with something so preposterous, so silly, so
unfathomable... I just HAD to take this up. This
isn't a request you get everyday. It also hit me,
I could do whatever the hell I wanted. So I did:
I started off with getting a work-of-art of a background
(A blocky city - drawn by a child, no less). Then
came the images, and they had to be state of the
art! So I got all that together (If you look at
it, you'll notice that their all mostly crummy toys,
incomplete images, and video game models. Hell,
there's one that I didn't even bother clearing the
background to), and I slapped 'em on in the most
bizarre and random of positions my feeble little
mind could muster. Then came the title, something
I didn't necessarily come up with it, but I got
to pick that cheesy "Oreos" font (Betcha
didn't realize that!). And, huzzah! Twas done, and
I sat in awe at the comical thing. It made no sense
in the least - and I loved every second of it."